Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate

by goingthruthemotions 103 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Island Man

  You know, in the old days an invading force would get a battened down fortified city to surrender by starving the inhabitants into surrendering. They would surround the city to ensure that no outside food can enter. Things get so desperate that eventually the inhabitants start eating each other and the soldiers get too weak to fight. Then they surrender or the invading force thinks they're weak enough to launch a successful attack with little or no resistance.

  Now if your wife is starving you sexually, maybe it's a similar tactic. Maybe she's hopeful that by starving you it will cause you to find some "food" elsewhere and when you do so, BAM! "I want a divorce!". She has gotten herself scripturally out of a marriage with an apostate and is free to marry an upstanding elder or ministerial servant.
• 

  Island Man

  Of course, it is also possible that she can't help it. She may have an involuntary aversion to being intimate with you due to Watchtower programming about apostates being "satan's helpers". Watchtower programming may have destroyed her attraction to you, as such attraction may have been significantly rooted in your status as a spiritual man. What woman wants to have sex with a demon?
• 

  Billyblobber

  Throw the sexist, "render to a husband your due" scripture in her face. JW women are OBLIGATED to have sex with their husbands. Even her elders will tell her to do that, if they go by the JW interpretation instead of their own.

  You can also threaten divorce, reminding her that she can't get remarried unless you cheated on her because it's not a "real" divorce, and also reminding her that old JW women don't get married, or if they do, it's to the worst people ever.
• 

  sporece

  Have been there and ended in divorce after 26 years of marriage.Don't have the answer for your situation but keep on showing her that you are a very happy individual without the FU&^*&^ cult.

  Just be kind and loving to her and that's all you can do. Brainwashing sucks.
  
• 

  stan livedeath

  What woman wants to have sex with a demon?

  err--quite a lot actually.
• 

  Witness 007

  Your at the angry stage it lasts a good while, remember when u loved her? Buy some flowers and nice dinner and remind her. Dont hammer the doctrine stuff....me and my wife are still together it is a miricle thru tact and patience.
• 

  brandnew

  Kinda like kate wild said......wine....and dine.....can i put more emphasis on WINE ☺ take two of these 🍻 , and call me in the morning. Thank you very much.....i'll be here all week 😂
• 

  TheListener

  I don't know what the right thing for you to do is but you should try to imagine what your life could be like if you were able to somehow reconcile with her and really have a genuine marital relationship as well as imagining what it may be like if you divorced.

  Remember, the "truth" comes first, always. She knows you will never live through Armageddon so I believe she is limiting her exposure to pain and hurt by pulling away from your relationship. The witholding of sex is a way for her to make you see sense (her version) and return to J; it's the next thing in the arsenal since she realistically can't shun you as she would someone else.

  My marriage has ups and downs, right now it's down. So my advice may be a reflection of my mood.
• 

  _Morpheus

  What djs said. X2. No amount of asskissing, chore doing begging or pleading will ever convince her have sex. That is nonsense and crap of the highest order. Im not suggesting that making legitimate efforts to be a good husbamd are unessary but they for sure positively never are foreplay.
• 

  LisaRose

  The blame shifting, excuse making, rationalizing and justifying some of you are providing as legitimate reasons for women to withhold sex is not part of the reason it is a problem. It's the reason.

  For the record, I feel that withholding sex deliberately because you are mad, or to get something you want is just plain wrong, and is a really good way to kill a marriage. It's just that it's hard to know if that is what she is doing, since I don't know her. I am inclined to think that she is deliberately withholding sex, since she wouldn't answer him as to why, telling him to go see a therapist sounds kind of cold. This is not how two mature adults handle things. It did occur to me that she has already checked out mentally and is doing this to force him to leave.

  But that is something he needs to figure out. If he loves this woman and wants to save the marriage, then there are things to try. Possibly he can get her to see that what she is doing is wrong. I think it's worth a try before he gives up and gets a divorce. If she refuses to try to fix things, then that is good to know, he can then make a decision based on that. Whatever happens it needs to get resolved.