Have You Tried To Contact JWs?

by RAYZORBLADE 7 Replies latest jw experiences


    I'm sure some of you on this forum have either attempted or perhaps succeeded in contacting other JWs or XJWs. Personally, I tried it 3X (times). My first attempt was back in 1993.

    I used to, many years ago, talk to this one single-Mom sister. She was great! I really got along with her, and she was so supportive and always lent a listening ear. But, on a whim and being brave, I thought I would go through the phone book to see if I could locate her.

    I was nervous as hell. I dialed the number, and within a couple of rings, she answered. But I was not sure if it was her. As soon as I asked for 'her', she confirmed, and I identified myself. SHE WAS FLABBERGHASTED! She was happy too, but she immediately asked me if I was 'DF/DA'd' which I told her: 'I don't know'. She asked me if I was lying, and I explained the situation. She was OK, but she wanted me to return to meetings and 'Jehovah this - Jehovah that'. It was weird. What I thought I would get or I thought I needed, did not transpire. It was kind of sad. I didn't talk long with her, and she basically ended with encouraging me to return to the meetings.

    That same year, I tried another one. This time, outside of the Toronto area. I did one of those, dial...hang-up...dial again...hang-up..then try again, get the answering service...hang-up...try again, left a msg., and identified myself etc., but you know.....I do not even know if that was them. I left a number, who I was, 'my situation is the same'. Never heard from them. But like I said, could have been a wrong number by then. Afterall, it had been 10 years.

    The last attempt, was with a brother I knew back in Atlantic Canada. I didn't know where he was, but I did an extensive 411. I was getting a bit bold I think. His family name was unusual enough that only 3 listings could be found, period. So I call one number, and presto! I get someone, but I ask for the person, but he is not in. But I vaguely recognize the voice, it's his wife (I forgot all about her). When I identified myself, she was very quiet and very uneasy. They were both active Jehovah's Witnesses. She asked me if I was disfellowshipped/disassociated, and I told her: "I don't know" - again, explaining the situation. All she could say was: 'I can talk a little, but not long'. I could tell she was very uneasy and not comfortable. I asked her about her brother, whom I found out was disfellowshipped. I asked her how she felt about it. She said 'he knew better and that that's the way it is'. Did she speak with him as a disfellowshipped family member? NO - not at all. I feel sorry for her brother. It was apparent that the conversation and some of my questions and comments had her anxiety level at an all time high. Time to end it. I told her it was probably best she not mention we had 'our conversation'. It was weird.

    Since then, other than posting here and there (less intrusive and embarrassing), I have not called anyone. That's now, 10 years later. The rejection is what I hated and feared the most, although I could handle it better than let's say: 20 years ago, and even 10 years ago.

    Good news though, on Tishi's old board, in the 'finding other XJWs', I located a good buddy from 22 years ago. That was amazing! I couldn't believe it. We still talk to this day and won't let anything EVER come between us ever again.

    Anyone have any similar experiences? Any positive outcomes? I know this is a toughy for some, considering many have family that are active J-dubs, therefor the shunning is extremely painful.

    Just curious, but I do hope some of you whom are comfortable enough, will share. I do find some solace and comfort in the stories of others. Thanks everyone.



    I suppose because you don't come with a [label] it is okay to associate with you.

    I come with a [DISFELLOWSHIPPED] label . . . as good as dead . . . shunned.

    I got feedback from my daughter last week, "Please don't attempt to contact me again."

    My son ignores me totally, and has even moved to a new city. I guess I'm a dead demonized MONSTER.

    I have an uncle who lives in Brampton, who calls once in a long while. Always manages to preach at me . . . and counts time doing it.

    Oh well . . . they sure got their issues to work out. . . Life goes on . . . and for the better at my end.


  • calamityjane

    Hey Blade. How are you.

    I've never tried to contact ones myself as I know I'll get brushed off by them. But just yesterday I was grocery shopping and happed to walk by an old friend who is still in the org. She actually stopped to talk to me, I couldn't believe it. When we left the org. her husband was an elder, I still believe he is she was going through a rough time. 8 years ago she was walking at night down a country road with her sister and her sister was hit by a snowmobiler. She died that evening. The force of the hit from the snowmachine blew her right out of her boots. Her boots stayed but she went flying. It was awful. So my old friend was in and out of the hospital with deep depression. Of course being in the borg, didn't help her. I remember my parents talking behind her back saying that she should basically get a grip, start going to meetings and service, but instead she isolated herself and of course that's whay she had problems.

    Geez, they think that everything is going to be fixed by attending meetings and going door to door. She was never allowed to grieve like normal people. Jw's are so cold hearted.

    Enough venting, It was nice to see her again. But she said she is still suffering. I just wanted to hug her. Maybe next time I see.

  • Eppie

    Hey all,

    Yeah, I tried it as well. Even though i'm not DFd people now that i never come anymore and ignore me. Even already when I still tried but didnt want to anymore. I remember a particular situation two years ago. I had moved about a year before that with my parents to another city, and left many JW friends behind, including my best friend, let's call her Claire. I however went to high school in '' the big city'' and started to drift from being a JW, and basically started to have fun and got a worldy boyfriend. Claire knew about this and tried to talk me into getting back. That year I decided to go to the yearly congregation as all my former JW friends were in the same district that year. As the congregation hall was near my house she would come and stay with me and my family. She however called my dad and my dad told me that she wasnt coming as she had to stay with her parents at her family. My dad protected me there, about a year later my sister told me that Claire had called as she did not wish to be in contact with such an evil person as me. That year I went to the congregation wearing regular jeans instead of a skirt (i particular do NOT agree with that issue). You would say that people would be happy to see that i was interested in going, but instead they all ignored me. Im happily faded right now and have never heard of her again. I only hear stories: she is a pioneer now and went to another country to help out there. All very noble (in a JW point of view) but i always wonder why it is so good to 'help' other people and spend so much time with them instead of with your own friends.

    I also tried to contact a JW couple. They were so to say my second set of parents when I was in trouble (worldy boyfriend and i was pregnant of him). I did not get Dfd (i never apologised or showed any sign or regret but my family is a very famous and important one in this country), but had problems with my parents and lived with this other couple. I still went to meetings and they indoctrinated me every single day with biblestudy etc. Besides this all I really thought they loved me as their child, and never expected them to ignore me. Everything started going well with my parents again (they are great!) and I moved to another city to go to college (my baby died after a few days). I decided then that I would never go to meetings anymore etc. I have never heard of them since. I do send postcards regularly (i travel a lot), but never hear anything. I do here stories as well, and he is still an elder and they are both still very active JWs. Its actually a bit mean of me: i already accepted not to have contact with them anymore but try to nag them with my postcards, i hope it will give them some kind of bad feeling that they let me down in this way. Although i of course doubt it.

    Anyway that was my story so far. I am however lucky to say that I still have contact with all my family, even with my grandfather and uncles that are all elders. Of course they try to lecture me all the time, but i accept that they have to and think that it will be the best for me. I love them with all my heart.



    Edited by - Eppie on 15 February 2003 14:41:47

  • Thechickennest

    Rayz: My wife and I faded out over the last 13 years or so and just recently made our fade from the borg official with resignation letters. We were very outgoing and active in the congregation. We all parted ways with the borg when we were blessed with a new and only child as it turns out. Our lovely daughter was a handful at the meetings.We deicided not to abuse our infant just because she was a lively kid at the hall. Upon the advice of a good Dr. we just quit going to the damn hall. All the JW's thought the kid needed was a good beating. Anyway, we left behind what we thought at the time were a lot of close friends. WRONG! Once we were out of sight, we never heard from most of them again. We made new friends that did not have so much advice to give and judging to do for us. Our good Dr. also ask us early on if we had any "normal friends"? It was a wake up call for us and hard at times but, it really was for the best to move on. A few years ago we did find a dear sister that we loved a lot. We were disappointed that she was trying to make a comeback after being disfellowshipped. She sounded so weird to us....but we were right there one time too. SCAREY!

    Thanks for your inquiry about looking up old friends. It really is interesting looking back at the odd, isolated way we used to live. JWism is a cult for sure.

    Duane Wing

  • Swan

    Yes, a few, but I won't go into detail because I promised confidentiality. What I have learned is that you should never judge the situation before hand. Some who may appear to be strong JWs are actually questioning and just playing the part. Some have become inactive for certain reasons, but don't want to rock the boat because of family ties. Some may have been disfellowshiped, but will not want to talk to you because they hope to be reinstated. When you contact them always assure them of confidentiality and then keep it. Do not do or say anything that could get back to their elders or the Society and cause trouble for them.

    So basically it boils down to not assuming anything and making contact discreetly, and then keeping quiet after the fact.

    I have had some good success following this policy.


  • Maverick

    Dear Blade: I wrote the Baptism Nullification letter posted by Blackguard in the friends forum. I sent this letter to every witness I knew that I could get addresses of. We are talking a lot of people in 25 years. I have also been in contact with a DF'd bro that I "studied" with years ago. He wants to leave them after he is reistated. He feels this will clear his name. I have a hard time following his logic but if that works for him great. I have sent letters to various ones I knew who have been gossiped about and one sister who was abandoned by the friends during her divorce. She was real upset with the Elders. I have a few witnesses that keep me informed as to what is going on in the local Halls. And my plan is to reach out to any that start to "see" what is going on. I don't know if I will do any good but I do care for these people and want to help free them from their imprisonment. As for my BN letter, 30 days and all is quiet. Maverick

  • mattnoel


    You sound so lovely, and I am so sorry that your kids ignore you like that. At the end of the day blood is thicker than water, it must be really painfull for you, but on the other hand, you seem a strong person.

    Well if you like you can have an adopted son over here in sunny England

    My stepfather and sister both ignore me, but then its not my loss, they are both selfish, twisted and nasty. He was a complete waste of space, who used to beat my mum and me and even hit my other sister (now left) in the mouth as she didnt want to go to the meeting, he then happily marched along to the meeting himself. He has done so much and now my mum is dead and gone he is happilly married and no doubt causing her misery....................and oh yeah, I intend to ruin him, just firguring out how, I am thinking of a nasty letter to the elders discussing his behaviour and the fact that he had an affair whilst married to my mum, but this coming from a diss'd person, will they believe me ?! I am yet to find out.

    Take care Hun,


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