Kids! the things they come out with..!

by Sparks 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sparks
    Sparks

    After an elderly Elder gave a l o n g ass clenchingly boring public talk about the flood in Noah`s day,
    a little boy went up to him at the end of the meeting and asked "Uncle Ted, was you in the Ark?". The crusty old
    fart glared at the boy for a moment and said "NO I was NOT in the Ark !" Without hesitation the little boy said
    " why wasn`t you drown then!?!"

    Little four year old Lisa was very busy painting a picture in class, when her teacher asked what she was painting..
    " God " lisa said proudly. " But no one knows what God looks like Sweetheart" said her puzzled teacher....... " They WILL when I`M finnished".

    ( those two stories are second-hand, but this one is embarrassing...) When I was about nine, my teacher-Miss North
    was telling my class all about sea monsters,Sharks,Whales etc...Then went on to ask us which sea creature we thought
    was the most terrifying.I put up my hand and said " The Octopus Miss, because it squirts horrible ink at you, then raps
    it`s testicles around your body and squeezes you to death...."
    I only remember that because Miss North suddenly made a high-pitched squeal/laugh noise, covered her mouth and ran
    out the class....She returned five minutes later with black mascara running down her face, and sat down.Little Jenny in
    the front row said " you bin crying Miss?" Miss North took one look at me, and ran back out the room in hysterical-
    laughter.....again.
    Please let me know what you have heard a child say, or you said or did as a child thats either funny or embarrassing,
    Go on be a sport, I told you about me....( I`m still red faced !!!).

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    How about these:

    Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.

    Ginny

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    Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

    Joyce

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    Dear Mr. God, I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.

    Janet

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    Dear - God if we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton - because I hate her.

    Denise

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    Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway

    Your friend (I am not going to tell you who I am).

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    Dear God, I read the bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me.

    Love, Alison

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    Dear God, How did you know you were God?

    Charlene

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    Dear God, Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

    Anita

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    Dear God, I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.

    Nan

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    Dear God: Did you really mean Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You, because if you did then I'm going to fix my brother.

    Darla

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    Dear God, I like the story about Chanuka the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones.

    Glenn

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    Dear God, My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?

    Love, Dennis

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    Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries?

    Nan

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    Dear God, It's o.k. that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes?

    Arnold

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    Dear God, Did you mean for giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?

    Norma

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    Dear God, In bible times did they really talk that fancy?

    Jennifer

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    Dear God, What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything.

    Jane

  • greven
    greven
    Dear God, How did you know you were God?

    Now that's a good one!

    Great stuff!

    Greven

  • Abaddon
    Abaddon

    My younger daughter at seven; "I know why daddy doesn't believe any longer. He thinks it's silly".

  • wheelwithinwheel
    wheelwithinwheel

    Got this first hand from a horrified JW mom.

    This JW mother had her young daughter with her in a store's fitting room after service. The little girl asked very loudly, "Mom is that lady a JW." The mom quietly replied, "No dear" The little girl then added in a very loud voice, "Then she's gonna get destroyed at Armaggedon huh, mummy"

    Needless to say the mother didn't answer, but put her hand over her kid's mouth and stood quietly until the lady in the next stall left.

    Talk about 'training up a child.'

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    I took the kids to the KH a few months ago to hear grandpa give his first #4 talk since his disfellowhipping/reinstatement, and on the way Jackson (6 years old) said: "I miss going to the meetings." My heart stopped, and I gently asked why, and he said, "because I could always have a really good nap there."

    Oh, well, okay then!

    Nina

  • Bona Dea
    Bona Dea

    You know how people are constantly coming up and talking to your kids (especially when they are infant/toddler age) and going on about how cute they are, etc, etc....well one day when my son was about 2 or 3 we were in Walmart. And he was pitching a tee-total tantrum. -And I hate it when people do this, as if they can calm my child better than me, or they make the tired remark, "did your mama pinch you?"- Well, this little old lady approachs, talking about "what an ugly look to put on such a pretty face" (speaking of my son, of course). I watch my son as he is calming down and he keeps looking down at her feet. All of a sudden, he stops crying altogether and just points at her feet and says, "Your boots are ugly."

    Bet she'll think twice before wearing those hideous boots again!

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