So Are You As Good As It Pleases You To Be?

by Englishman 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • Englishman

    Lets assume that some time has now gone by since you made that final decision to stop associating with JW’s. You are now your own person, the worlds your oyster, let the good times roll!

    Still there seems to be a hole in your life, an emotional gap as it were, a feeling of loss that borders on depression.

    What’s happening, of course, is that despite your decision to bale out of WT ways, the old patterns of thinking are still hanging in there and influencing your life. In short, you may well find that you’ve lost your friends only to find that JW imprinting is making you think as if you were still a JW. Now you've got all the negs and the few pitiful positives have been let go. Not good!

    Maybe it’s good to see a very condensed version of what therapists and psychologists generally agree as being the three key aspects that profoundly influence our state of mind:

    1. The way we see ourselves.

    2. The way that we regard the world in which we live.

    3. The way that we see our future.

    How do we see ourselves? As someone only deserving of death, someone so wicked that the son of God was the only sacrifice that a vengeful and critical god would accept? Or do you see yourself as some one who has every right to be here, someone who is as good as it pleases them to be?

    What about the world in which we live? If you hate everything about it a la JW’s (this wicked old world, this evil system etc etc) then how will you ever be happy? Or do you think that most people are kind and helpful given the opportunity?

    Do you believe that the future is worthless unless you are assured that everything including our lives and loved ones will last forever? Or are you satisfied with getting the best from whatever cards life has dealt to you?

    There’s a lot more to leaving the JW’s than whether our friends and family will still want us or not, I suspect that many ex’s find that they have only just put one foot on the road to emotional maturity when they finally make that decision to leave.

    But isn’t it a great journey to be on! - See:


  • Kristen
    There’s a lot more to leaving the JW’s than whether our friends and family will still want us or not, I suspect that many ex’s find that they have only just put one foot on the road to emotional maturity when they finally make that decision to leave.

    But isn’t it a great journey to be on!

    Yes, and yes! Great post Englishman.


  • dark clouds
    dark clouds

    When I jumped ship, I did so knowing the ship I was on was going down at some point or another and I was not about to wait any longer, waste any of my time or precious life in the mean time.

    I knew something was missing but I was not sure exactly what it was, so I went on my venture and I'm glad I started it when I did, like I have said before, the only thing I would change is having the courage to have done it at a younger age, I bailed out physically at 23, mentally it started at about 17.

    1. I have a very healthy self-esteem considering all I've undergone, I feel I've handled it as well as I could for having spent my childhood and adolesence in such a controlling environment, I spent 8 years on my own, without any help or knowledge that there was a place to go to and vent. I've been posting here for a little over a month now.
    My courage has strengthened considerably prior to this board, I have learned to rely and trust myself more than I ever would have had I stayed in the borg. Now I'm thankful for a place as such to share my views and meet others that have had a similar life experience.

    2. The world we live in is a reflection of how we see the world.

    3. The future is in my hands, I am the captain of the ship now, and where I navigate is solely my decision, where I arrive will be determined by the actions that I take. I claim full responsability for my decisions.

    By the way I also see sin as a man made concept,
    ie. if you believe you are stupid you will be,
    and if you believe you are a sinner you will be,
    death is not the outcome of sin, death is as much a part of life as life itself and one could not be without the other, that is the nature of life. . .


  • Englishman

    Kristen and Dark Clouds,

    Thanks for responding, I know so may ex's that sre still acting as though they are JW's. They are still frightened of demons, afraid of even sending a greetings card in case they invoke the wrath of God.

    Maybe some millionaire ex-dub should start a foundation to fund a special de-programming residential course to help people recover their sense of self-worth.


  • dark clouds
    dark clouds

    A deprograming course would be excellent, but i feel many would fear they might be falling into another cult of sorts becoming dependant on the techniques to deprogram. . .

    It is a shame that such an organization is allowed to run ramped and damage so many lives. Especially when dealing with the young kids, that is where it hurts me personally. Watching them grow up as outcasts and losing those ever important years, where their self-esteem and self-worth is being developed, their spirit is crushed on the whim of a printing press whose only concern is to put out literature, not caring how it affects those who read it and whose lives they fuck up.

    The choice of what to believe is stolen from these young lives, and replaced by emotional and mental distress. They are not allowed to act on their impulses without feeling the guilt that backlashes when they decide it is time to break free. What is said to be a trained conscience is simply a manipulated state of mind. They are deprived of having the choice to choose their faith and their outlook on their future.

    By the time they are old enough to realize that their whole reality has been replaced by lies, they have wasted their youth. The sadder thing is that even when one is trying to make the break the fear that is instilled, still takes over, it takes time. It took me 2 solid years of deprogramming before i was able to wake up and not think about armageddon anymore.

    I guess this was my bargaining chip, when I got to that stage of my development. I pretty much told god that I did not need to have a paradise or to be saved from armageddon in order to keep believing in his (at the time) existence. I needed nothing in return other than the peace of mind to live my life to the fullest. My only concern was to not waste anymore of my life. . .

    I remeber asking him to strike me down and get it over with if I was not going to be allowed to have a choice in following my heart and dreams, for I saw no point to my existence if I was to continue living in such fear.

    I'm still here, so many years after the fact. . .


    Now it seems like the whole experience was another life, something like a bad dream that i awoke from.

  • Carmel


    Not being a recent escapee, your question really doesn't apply, however, if it is of any help to those that are either contemplating leaving the mothership or have recently, I can only attest that the feelings of fear, anxiety and sometimes forboding are natural and to be expected. Personally I found that I had to take immediate steps to counteract the feelings, and luckily within the space of a year or two I was full of certitude that a) the WBTS was full of it and b) there was a wonderful, exciting world out there to be discovered and I saw no constraints on discovering as much about it as I could.

    It gets better every day of you life and I expect to learn something new on my last day of conciousness.



  • Tina

    Hi Eman!!
    Like Carmel,I actively went about learning,re-learning, and challenging wts think. It takes work! I returned to school,and this educated and enlightened me on a global scale. (formal education is a great deprogrammer)
    It educated me and helped me re-structure how I thought about myself,the world around me and my future.
    I learned I was a good and whole person in my own right.
    That I could actively contribute to making the world better for myself and those around me.
    Accepting personal responsibility for myself and my future(rather than some shadowy punitive sky parent)
    I learned there are many caring people who truly live good lives, contribute much to humanity and don't need an old book of tribal mores and myth to give them permission to do so.
    I learned it was ok to have thoughts and feelings without the guilt and shame. I learned it was ok and my right to voice these. Even if they didn't agree with the status quo,or popular opinion.....I had the right to my own ideas.
    I learned I didn't need or have to have abusive controlling elements in my life,whether it be an org or specific people.
    In accepting myself wholely,and that the world isn't all evil,I found an inner peace...accepting what I can change and knowing what I can't.......the journey will never end,,,I hope to grow,change, and learn until my last day.......there are no limits to these...thanks for the great topic,hugs,Tina

  • Englishman


    "Sky Parent"!


  • nogs

    jee's what are you trying to sell us this time, englishman???

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