...that left me feeling, well, wierd. It happened about 8:30 this morning, which is pretty early for me since I don't usually go to bed before 3-4am and never wake up before 11am. I was cruising along the only coastline in Florida that has bluffs, it's called "scenic highway" in Pensacola, Fl. (hwy 90) I've been doing some soul searching contemplation lately, a result of which is that I may be moving to Tampa Bay soon but that's beside the point. Once again I was contemplating and the strangeness began. After some time, I began to realize I was out driving my car but I was dreaming at the same time. You know, going through the motions that are familiar to a person who drives 800-1200 miles a week, driving becomes robotic, pre-programmed. That leaves you room for your mind to wander, and mine did. Then it fell asleep. I was fully aware and sensitive to the fact that I was both awake and asleep at the same time and that I was dreaming what my eyes were seeing. That was totally wierd. But the sky was blue for the first time in almost a week and the rain is gone but it is cold now, it was 35F last night and windy. So this morning was pretty good. I thought about how good it felt not to be out knocking on doors this cold, windy morning then I remembered all the times I did. We were not "fair weathered people" you know, we had to suffer to preach, just like we had to suffer in so many ways just to be part of the group and have all of the other "priveledges". I hated that word. I also hated the way they used the word "duty", degrading the word by their implications. I had a passing thought about what somebody told me about the group creed, that they had a christian theme to their music. I guess the thought was created by the song on the radio: take me higher by creed. As I listened, another strange feeling began to overtake me. I felt like I wanted to be a christian again, or for the first time, or second, or whatever. Then I forgot to pay attention to the words and the song was almost over, but the feeling lingered for a few more minutes then faded away. But, what stayed was the realization that I had just had my first religious thought in 12 years that was totally separate from the wts, it was my own thought. As I write this, I now realize that my mind has been completely separated from the control exercised over it by the wts and their teachings. I can see. I can explore as if seeing things for the first time and I am going to enjoy this feeling even if it only lasts as short as the weird experience in my car this morning. It would be better if I didn't have ADD and the curse of OCD, I could remember it better. I just wanted to share this, I thought it was cool, felt weird but still cool.
christopherceo