by SYN 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • SYN

    "They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
    "Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

    "I thought you just told me they used radio."

    "They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

    "Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

    "Officially or unofficially?"


    "Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

    "I was hoping you would say that."

    "It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

    "I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

    "Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

    "So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

    "That's it."

    "Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

    "They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

    "A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

    "And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

    "Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed."

    [SYN], LMAO Class.

  • Vivamus


    Viv, Puzzled and considering turning vegetarian

  • JamesThomas

    Would this then be blowing bubbles out ones rump-roast?

  • MrMoe

    this is the wierdest thread ever in the history of JWD

  • xjw_b12

    SYN OMG.

    I'm very concerned about you. Are you OK ? " width=21>

  • D8TA

    * whispers *


  • Gamaliel

    Sorry, but I thought it was great. lol.


  • Vivamus

    I figured it out. SYN is not human at all, his post in fact was not meant for us. He must have tried sending it to robotic headquarters, but something must have gone awry with the transmission, and therefor it accidently ended up here on

    BTW: Singing meat? OMG, thats so hilarious and disturbing.

  • Introspection

    That was a great story, here is a post with the full text:

  • SYN

    Don't worry guys & gals, this is just a funny little story I found while trawling through Metafilter yesterday...the only reason I posted it here was to show that sometimes it pays to look at things from a slightly different perspective. Plus, it was funny as hell!

    [SYN], Not-Quite-In-The-Padded-Room-Yet Class.

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