Excuse me I am losing my mind.......

SheilaM

or at least I feel that way. My emotions are so close too the surface now, which is very disconcerting for me.

Most of you know my son Anthony is going in to the Military in June<Marines> but he is also graduating from High School <double whammy>. Yesterday we went to one of his last swim meets, I knew that they were going to reconginze the Senior boys and introduce the parents and Thunder Rider and I were there. The meet was going good and I was having a great time, then they called us to the end of the pool they called each boys name one by one then introduced the parents after that the coach read a small speech that each boy had written.

When it came to Anthony<the last wouldn't you know> he has been the team Captain this year, he hugged me presented me with carnations, then turned away. As they started to read what he said it hit me, I was there when he took his first swim. The first time he went off the board at the pool he was all of 15 months old and grinned all the time and I was the one that threw him in.Swimmin was OUR TIME , we spent every summer at the pool that was OUR time me, Melanie and Anthony. I was there his first summer swim meet when he was 7and his first High School swim meet and this is OUR last meet, the last time I get to cheer him on. It broke my heart, after the first tear it was all over for me I just bawled <and am bawling as I write this>

I just can't believe it, he was my Puddy Buddy. The one that always made me smile and laugh no matter how much I wanted to wring his scrawny neck. And now in less than five months he will be gone GONE. It just sucks. I know it could be worse, I know he is a great kid. But I also know that is heart is as crushed as mine, he couldn't even look at me during the ceremony...he stood staring at the water because I knew he would start crying too.

Everyone came to see him swim even the damn secretary of the HSchool everyone loves my boy for that I am thankful...I just wish I had some of the time back that I wasted worrying about a organization that SUCKS. I think of all the time, precious irreplaceable time that I gave an organization that didn't give a damn. I could have been spending it with my two kids and Thunder. Well, that is why I am losing my mind...does anyone blame me?

<of the bewildered class>

Edited by - SheilaM on 29 January 2003 11:16:28

Edited by - SheilaM on 29 January 2003 11:19:10

cruzanheart

I hear you, Sheila! My sweet boy is 6 years old, and my daughter is 9, and I am trying to savor every single minute with them that I can. Look, at the time you thought you were doing the right thing for them, and I know you taught them principles and values that will help them all through their lives. No matter what the organization did or made you do, your son knows you love him and did everything because of that. Now you are out of the organization for the same reasons. That's what matters. All life experiences count for something and make us what we are.

Lots of love, hugs and tissues,

Nina

Shakita

Shiela:

When we give birth to our babies, we know that one day we will have to let go. But, when that time comes, it is SO HARD! I know....I have two who have left the home in the past 5 years, and I still have more at home to raise. I also have wasted part of my life, and my children's lives to the org. But, that is in the past.

I guess there will come a time when we make peace with the past, and focus just on the future. I am still making peace, and it sounds like you are, too. That is ok. Your son sounds like a great kid, you couldn't have done that bad, huh? Congratulations on succeeding in the hardest job in the world, being a loving, caring, devoted parent. It doesn't come easy sometimes. Take care.

Mrs. Shakita

mouthy

Just thank God everyday-that you can correct the errors you made on your kids....( feeling sorry for myself again) cos you know -I cant.....I love to hear how your all free to love your kids & enjoy healthy sports etc: with them----- I told my kids "we dont join in the world"----- Hey I bet they prayed at times to "Stop the World & let me get Off" I know ,I know! I gotta get over it>>>> I am trying....So happy for you Sheila....(((hugs)))

Country Girl

Boy can I sympathize with this!

Sounds like you have done a wonderful job of being a parent, a Mother, and a friend and raised a great kid that is someone who will make you proud! Mine left home last year and I suffered maybe two months of just complete heartbreak! The "Empty Nester's Syndrome" is what it is called. There's lots of sites on the Internet that can help you deal with it. It hurts, but it does get better, hon! I moped around for two months and just cried and felt guilty, and felt glad, and all kinds of emotions. It's like a loss.. but then, it's a good loss, because all kids have to grow up and make their own way in the world. We just hope that we have given them all the armour to get along. It sure appears that you have! It's a very bittersweet time..

But remember, there's always the Grandbabies to spoil.. hehehh. And there will be more time for you and Thunder. Alot of times, romances re-blossom and get stronger ... and your life will become rich and bountiful again! Do you still have one at home to take care of yet?

CG

SheilaM

I am trying to savor every single minute with them that I can

Cruzanheart: Please do, I was never told how fast time flies. <I guess with my parents didn't feel that way> I never realized how time flies, I swear you turn you head for one second and they've grown up

Shakita said

I guess there will come a time when we make peace with the past, and focus just on the future.

I try so hard to do this and sometimes feel as if I have then out of the blue I am a few steps further back. But I guess that will stop in time.

Just thank God everyday-that you can correct the errors you made on your kids...

Mouthy: No you aren't feeling sorry for yourself hun, I was You are right I should realize that and am sorry that you can't hug your babies. I will try to think of those things in the future and also when I post in the future. I am sorry if I made you feel bad.

It's like a loss.. but then, it's a good loss, because all kids have to grow up and make their own way in the world

CG: Thank you for the tips on the internet and I am so glad I gave my kids wings instead of clipping them.

To you all you have made me feel so much better, I had to wear my glasses to school cause I was crying my contacts out. I had no one when I went through this with my daughter, I am so thankful that I have you all and that you care enough to post and remind me of the good in the bleakest of time.

Love you guys

SheilaM

kelpie

These comments will make sure I savour each and every moment I have with my children. Even tho they are my "step children" I love them like my own.

I will fight with everything I have to give them the best life ever.

I had tears reading your story..

love kelps

SheilaM

Thank you Kelpie I am so glad you understand

SheilaM

Here is my son as my lil swimmer he was around 2 here

Excuse me I am losing my mind.......

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