You Too, Can Succeed As An Elder!

by metatron 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • metatron

    Over the years I've observed elders I've worked with and noticed
    various "unwritten" rules that make their positions secure and
    successful. This, of course, has nothing to do being a "loving
    shepherd" or "protector of the flock" - the sad creatures who
    seek those goals obviously aren't going to last!

    Since I resigned and they continue in power, I must acknowledge
    my failure - and their corresponding superior wisdom.
    So here's some observations on their success:

    1) Remember that a body of elders is , most often, a "good old
    boys" network (residents of Louisiana will understand). When
    considering a new appointment to the body, the C.O. will often
    ask if the brother "can work with the body". Neither he nor you
    want some kind of idiot whistleblower on the body. The last thing
    you need is some hyperzealous type the congregation will identify
    as "young blood" (in contrast with old you-know-whats like you).

    2) If there is a troublesome elder in your midst, don't worry
    it's easy to deal with! GIVE him all the responsibility he
    zealously craves! LET HIM be School Servant, Field Overseer,
    give talks away every week. LOAD HIM UP! If he asks for help,
    offer excuses until he learns his lesson. If he's too smart
    for this approach, you might try encouraging the breakup of
    marriage. If done carefully, not even the C.O. will catch on
    (or secretly be glad he's gone).

    3) Most C.O.'s will not accept an outright bribe (outside of
    India or various 3rd world areas). Handing people cash is
    so vulgar -- how about a nice game of golf? Rounds of drinks
    at the pub? Expensive dinners at nice restaurants? Use your
    imagination here - works with other elders, too. One hand greases
    the other, you know.

    4) Remember that double standards exist for your benefit - but only
    if you properly maintain them. If you are "merciful" with a
    fellow elder's fornicating son, the favor may be returned.
    On the other hand, Sister Single or her miserable offspring
    can dealt with so as to "keep the congregation clean".

    5) Never forget that the REAL PURPOSE OF ELDER'S MEETINGS IS
    a just a formality to preserve a naive notion of collegiality
    amoung some brothers. You know differently - the real important
    stuff gets decided beforehand by the guys who are really in

    6) The Bible is a collection of proof texts to used for your
    convenience as a "springboard" to authorize whatever you
    deem necessary. Indeed, no Scripture shall ever be viewed
    as CONTRADICTING OR EVEN MODIFYING a clear dictate from
    the Society. Heck, don't even bother with scripture - quote
    whatever policy the Service Dept tells you and leave it at

    7) In regard to financial matters, there are so many ways to
    scam the congregation, you could write a book. If you get
    a huge contribution for building, put it in a special fund
    and "forget" it. Then in a year or so, tell the friends
    how poor the congregation is - use the accounts report
    in a heavy winter heating month. Also, if somebody underbids
    your choice on materials, accuse him of using poor quality
    stuff that won't last.

    8) As someone once said "there's lies, damned lies and statistics".
    How true! Suppose you have 100 publishers and an average meeting
    attendance of 90 - so, your attendance average is 90%. Then,
    50 publishers fall out of the truth but all the remaining
    publishers faithfully attend - you've just increased meeting
    attendance by 10%! Hooray!

    I could go on and on
    but some of you might want to add your own observations
    leading to greater success -- as an elder!


  • Tina

    Hi metatron
    Actually our CO always received 'envelopes'(cards w/cash) after his final talk.....they were handed to him discreetly while all were in a line to say goodbye and wish him well. I know this for a fact.I knew the sisters who collected for these,,,,enjoyed your post,regards,Tina

  • Frenchy

    Not all elders (c.o.’s included) are as you describe them.

    -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-

  • metatron

    Well now, I emphasize that these are rules for successful

    And.... I believe you have elsewhere ascribed the sad
    conduct of many to the "system" - which I think I've given
    a reasonable description of!


  • TheApostleAK

    The truth hurts.....and that hurt bigtime.

  • TMS

    Just a brief comment on point 5.

    One of my pet peeves was that a written agenda for all elder's meetings would be furnished several days before the event. Each elder could study the proposed topics, do research, pray, etc.

    Inevitably, in spite of my broken-record insistance on a pre-meeting agenda, the PO would say toward the close of a meeting: "Bro. So-and-So has something he would like to bring before the body." Then Bro. So-and-So would detail a well-orchestrated plan for something, usually the weightiest and most far-reaching topic of the entire meeting. His chronies would add their support and influence. All the t's were crossed and i's dotted for this proposal.

    My response would always be: "Well, its obvious some thought has been given to this, but the rest of us are caught a little flat-footed here. Perhaps, we could all give this prayerful consideration and consider it at the next meeting."

    If looks could kill, I would have been dead 1000 times.


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