Any advice?

embalmed

Am new, but have monitored this site and read stuff on it for a long time. Have a dilemma.

History [skip this if you want]:

Before I was born, my grandmother always invited JWs in her house to converse with them. She never really considered being a JW, she just liked to talk to people a lot. She would take the magazines out of courtesy, but after they left, she would throw them away. But my mum read them. Even though she never talked with any of the JWs. So after my grandma died, when I was 3, my mum started studying with the JWs. When I was around 5 she started attending meetings. My last halloween was when I was 6 and my last Christmas was when I was 5. Funny thing is, I was at a Catholic school from K-2nd grades. But I was eventually placed in public schools and my last b-day was my 10th. I have had social anxiety problems and ADD, so attending meetings and going in the door-to-door ministry work was hell for me. I never got that presents-all-year-round thing, and I got mad at the kids in the watchtower who said they didn't feel deprived and all that crap. And technically, I'm not a legitimate child because I was conceived by artificial insemination, so it's very good my mum didn't find the "truth" before I was born.

The Problem:

My mum is still a JW and me being only 15, I have to go to all the meetings and listen to all the BS from the WTS. I've avoided going to meetings, service and conventions especially by de-setting my mum's alarm clock, acting sick, distracting her, everything I could think of. But it's frankly getting troublesome to do all that crap. I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas to get at least myself out of the congregation without having to wait another 3 years? Or would it be better just to put up with the 5+ hours of torment each week?

greven

Hard as it may seem, I think the best thing is to be honest with your mum. Simply tell her you really do not believe it anymore (if that is the case). this will most likely result in several elder talks trying to find the 'real problem' but if you stick to it I think you will be left alone after a few weeks. Your mum must realize that forcing you to go to meetings will not change the way you feel or think about this religion. But above all, remain calm, be kind to your mum, losing your religion is one thing but you should do everything you can to preserve the bond between you and your mum.

Maybe she doesn't understand and will force you. then you will have to simply bite through the sour apple. Simply do as less as you can then and see it trough.

Kind regards,

Greven.

Debz

Hiya Embalmed and welcome....

Well sounds like you`ve had a tough old time with all this at your age.....my only advise would be to tell your mum you are not interested in attending any of the meetings..at 15 you can make those decsions for yourself - as even in a court of law your opinions would count if it was to do with custody issues. If this does`nt work or you feel you can`t do this you can contact Social Services, social worker or a youth worker - who would listen to you and ensure that you are not forced to attend...no-one can force you too attend meetings if you don`t want to...I realise this may make things hard for your relationship with your Mum but she will have to deal with it as you really need to be treated as a young adult that can make up your own mind about what you want to do...she will get over it....have you got any other non witnesses you can live with? ..I wish that I had done that instead of going through the motions until finally running away from it all at 22 with two young kids...and trying to resocialise alone......its not the way to go believe me, and I think you need to have this time of your youth doing `normal` youthy things...Good luck..Love Debz

david_10

Hello and welcome. You sound exactly like my nephew. He was always a very sharp and perceptive kid, he had the ADD thing and it caused him a fair amount of trouble throughout his childhood, and he was technically "not a legitimate child", in a way, since my brother and his wife adopted him at birth. And he knew early on that he did not want to be a witness. By the time he was 14 or 15, he was adamant about that and he made his views heard loud and clear. But it didn't do him much good, because my brother, an elder, drug him to the meetings and out in service anyway. After a while, Micah learned to suffer in silence and save a lot of trouble and just go with the flow, and I kind of think that that's probably what you ought to do. Just preserve the peace and get along.

Today, Micah is 19 and he's a pretty good kid. He's got a good job, he's a hard worker, he's socially well-adjusted, he's got a girl friend that he's engaged to and life is working out pretty good for him. Also, he does not go to meetings. Period. He was never baptized, there's no acrimony or bitterness, everyone gets along good and that's the end of story. So, if I were you, I would just put up with it for a couple of more years and then you could end it on a more pleasant note and maybe save a lot of trouble and strife. Just my opinion based on a pertinent observation. Hope it helps.

David

Edited by - david_10 on 15 January 2003 5:44:24

nicolaou

Give your Mum lots of reassurance. She's raising you the best way she can [she thinks] so make sure she understands that it isn't her you're rejecting, just the Watchtower. Make sure she knows how much you love her (yes you can actually say the words) but be firm about not attending the meetings.

If any elders come to 'encourage' you back, well you don't owe them anything. Use your own unique style and attitude to deal with them - as a 15 year old lad you shouldn't have any problems!!

Good luck, and let us all know how you get on!

Nic'

ugg

just hang tough....the wait,,,though it seems long,,,will in reality go quite quickly....bide your time....