Help me Out Here

by vinman 23 Replies latest jw experiences

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  FayeDunaway

  Vinman some people on here left the JW's in the 60's and 70's! They don't seem to be constantly obsessed with this site, but they do pop in regularly. Maybe in the process for us, there is a transition from mostly needing support to mostly giving support, as our lives stabilize. We are here for eachother. This is all pretty new for you. You've been through a really huge trauma. Don't be hard on yourself. You are going through a midlife crisis right now, and that's ok. I understand you don't want to shock your wife. But you know what, GET that motorcycle. You don't have to buy the whole 'im so tough' motorcycle gear...but do get some protective clothing. Invite your wife along. Make sure you get one with a comfy back seat. And then take some awesome little road trips together. Be very cautious and safe of course, but it's time to do something you love.

  also, look into your community college, see if there's anything you want to learn about. Painting class, ceramics, photography, music, history. You've got your own time now. If you occupy yourself with hobbies, you will obsess less about your past and move on with your life. I like you here and hope you still visit often, but you need to balance this with your current life interests. I believe you still have to go to meetings so exploring other churches might not be an option for you now. I know you are still a believer like me, read C.S. Lewis. Actually the Narnia series was a part in me waking up. I read it to my children.

  Lol I love listless witness' comment about being a doorbell/doorpost/front garden connoisseur!!! Yep.
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  Pete Zahut

  When I was young I gave no thought to such things because the ministry was way to important. That cult messes up more than you think. But now I can only dream of that type of lifestyle. It just seems now that I have pent up desires but don't know what they are. I feel that I'm in a rut. I love my family. We do many things. But on a personal level, it seems I do more working and reading than anything. Am I crazy? Does anyone know what I'm trying to say?

  I know exactly what you mean and I have come to think of my situation as being a case of "Arrested Development" combined with "One dimensional thinking".

  Having grown up as a JW, I now realize that my development as an individual was stunted, as was my ability to think beyond what was set before me, by others. My development as an individual reached a certain plateau and was held there by a lack of outside influence and information, combined with a rigorous schedule filled with preprogrammed activities and information designed to alter ones thought processes.

  After a lifetime of this, I find it difficult to summon the energy needed to start from scratch and begin doing the things that one does when they are younger and have the time,energy and fresh outlook on life.

  Having said that, I find it interesting to see certain aspects of my personality that were always there,awakening and I see myself being drawn to interests I had a younger person but was told to put them off until the new system.
  
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  Ucantnome

  But after leaving the organization, did you want to experience new things with your time but didn't know exactly what? No
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  Tornintwo

  I am in the early days of waking up to ttatt, without reading here/JW facts regularly my indoctrinated mind drifts back to guilt and self doubt, so I feel we need it. I also think we're so used to having all the answers we want to resolve everything now! I am getting used to the idea that we don't have to know everything. A poster said on here "I'd rather have questions I can't answer than answers I can't question" - I love that phrase!

  I was in my teens when I got converted, gave up opportunities like a modeling contract, university place, now in my 40s it's not gonna happen, it's very frustrating. Also gave up true friends and hobbies.

  For now I enjoy little things, I love reading thrillers, but I used to restrict reading them so I would have time to read the magazines etc lol! Now I can dive in and it gives my brain a much needed rest from researching ttatt and all the psychological damage the Jws did to me and my kids. Also it feels great to go to the beach on a Sunday instead of a snooze fest/judge fest meeting, just look at the waves and play with my little one, with genuine appreciation for life and God instead of forced 'devotion' given to show off to other men. I've also reached out to school friends I'd left behind, it feels great to catch up and I apologized for walking away from them, I never replaced them in the org in 20 years, that says it all really doesn't it?

  long term goals include buying a house, studying at open uni, but baby steps are all I can manage right now.....enjoying the little freedoms and pleasures we denied ourselves for so long.