Saved by Grace after 30 Years of Service
by Brian Cole
from http://www.exjws.net/pioneers/briancole.htm
I was a Jehovahs Witness for 30 years from ages 16 to 46.
My mother became a member before I was born. I cant remember a time when we didnt attend meetings at the Kingdom Hall.
Growing up in north Portland, my Aunt Gertie Tolles (now Mixer) and my cousins, Pammy Hearn, Patti Wong, Janice Calhoun and Charlene Cook lived nearby in St. Johns. We grew up together, but when I finished grade school in 1968, we (mom, my older brother Jeff and I) moved from Portland.
From then until last year, my contacts with my aunt and cousins were sporadic. However, I never forgot the powerful faith of my aunt. I didnt know much, or understand, her faith at that time.
But Ive always had great respect for my aunt and cousins. I never saw a hint of hypocrisy in any of them. This memory would turn out to be crucial years later, when I would seek out my aunt for spiritual advice.
Not long after graduating from high school, I was invited to serve at the Watchtower headquarters in Brooklyn, NY. I lived and worked there from 1974 to 1979.
Thereafter, I moved to Klamath Falls and began work as a field minister eventually becoming a pioneer, that is, spending about 20 hours a week in a public outreach work: mostly house-to-house canvassing and conducting Bible classes.
For more than 20 years, I also served as an elder, a minister which involved public teaching, congregation oversight, and confidential consultations with those facing problems in their lives.
And, from 1987 to 1989, I was a circuit overseer, a full-time traveling representative of the Governing Body of Jehovahs Witnesses. During that time, I supervised 21 congregations in Northern Minnesota.
However, I had to come back to Oregon because of a severe health problem. I finally started to get better in March 1990, and was able to resume my work as a minister in the local community.
Because of all the help, training and mentorship I received over the years I gave talks at our large summer conventions from 1984 to 2001 (except in 1990, when I was ill).
I started working as a writer in 1990, which eventually became the primary income source for my wife and me. (Lynn and I were married on April 11, 1992.) Ive worked as a newspaper reporter for about the last five years.
However, I was offered a higher-paying job as a technical writer for a software start-up company which has a technical center here in Klamath Falls. After working there for 14 months, I was laid off in March of this year. I went back to working at the daily newspaper.
But while I was a technical writer, I was on the Internet all day. Frequently, I would scan media and other Web sites including freeminds.org for a few minutes at a time, and would then get back to my work.
One day in the fall of 2001, I decided to see if my aunts church had a Web site. I entered Apostolic Faith and Portland into the Google Web directory. I came upon the Apostolic Faith Churchs Web site and began to look it over.
At about the same time, I was reading material on Web sites that were critical of Jehovahs Witnesses. Ive never been favorably impressed with Web sites sponsored by hysterical, even paranoid, ex-Jehovahs Witnesses.
But I did have questions, and doubts, about some of the things I had believed and taught for so many years. Now, I wanted to put them to the test: Is what I have believed all these years really the truth? The only truth?
I had to know.
Meanwhile, something far more important was stirring inside me. I read, and re-read about Salvation, Sanctification and the Baptism of the Holy Ghost on the Apostolic Faith Church Web site. I was attracted to these basic Bible teachings experiences I had never had, nor what I ever thought I could experience.
I wrote a letter to my aunt, asking her to tell me about salvation and Jesus Christ. My somewhat hesitant questions to her were my first step toward the Lord.
Later, during my period of correspondence with headquarters staff member Sam Ajayi, he wrote me that he was certain the Lord was drawing me. Very definitely, he wrote.
He was right.
I also made inquiries of other Christian research Web sites. To me, some of them came off as condescending. But Sam never did. His humble and clear answers to my Bible questions were appealing. We became friends and eventually, brothers over the early months of 2002.
But even though I was beginning to see cracks in the belief system I had espoused for three decades, I was struggling against the plain, simple truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
If I was to adopt a different faith after all these years, it would greatly affect me, but of greater concern to me, many others especially my wife. I would have to break away from the legalistic structure I had lived with, and advocated my entire adult life.
First, I would be excommunicated, disfellowshipped, or would be considered one who disassociated himself from the congregation of Jehovahs Witnesses. I would lose virtually every friend, as I would be shunned by all Jehovahs Witnesses.
The apostolic injunctions: Dont invite him in your homes; not even eating with such a man; and never say a greeting to him are taken to an extreme degree by Jehovahs Witnesses.
Worst of all, this would deeply hurt my wife of 10 years, whom I love very much. Weve always had our faith in common, but that would change. This would be the hardest part of this whole scenario: breaking my wifes heart.
Since I have had some measure of prominence for some years, it would also affect thousands of Jehovahs Witnesses in Southern Oregon and many other places, including in Minnesota and Brooklyn.
But I now know that the Lord continued to lead me; he never let go of my hand. I could not escape the powerful testimony of the Scriptures. I could not shake off the simple beauty of the Gospel.
I finally made my pilgrimage to the Portland sanctuary in late May of this year. I stayed with my aunt and Dick at their Milwaukie home. I attended church services on the Friday evening of my visit.
After the service I came to the prayer altar, and spent about two hours pouring out my heart to God. I wanted Jesus to accept my repentance and by His grace, justify me so that I could be saved.
Sam, Aunt Gertie, and so many others I did not even know, were there, too. They were all fervently praying for me. When it got to be about 10:30 p.m. I was getting tired. Brother Dwight Baltzell suggested that I get some rest. Aunt Gertie said: If you get saved in the middle of the night, wake me up.
I returned to the altar after the Sunday morning service. I spent another hour on my knees, with all the others, and more now, praying with me. But I did not yet experience the New Birth I so much wanted.
I now feel that the Lord was teaching me how to pray. How to really pray! Never before had I prayed so much, so ardently. After lunch at my Janices house, I went back to Aunt Gerties and took a nap. When I got up, it was time to attend the evening service.
When I walked into the Sanctuary that night, I didnt feel well. But I enjoyed the music and singing. And was deeply affected by the testimonies I heard. First, Sister Sandy told the group that she had felt the Lord lead her to pray for this man the preceding Friday, someone she didnt even know. I knew she was talking about me.
Then, my 15-year-old niece, Melissa Hearn, related how the Lord had saved her the previous Friday night. (After she was saved that night, she came over to me, held my arm and repeatedly told me that I just needed to believe from the heart. Since then, Ive called her my Salvation Coach.)
Next, I was riveted by the message that was delivered. But when it came time to return to the altar, I hesitated. Frankly, I felt discouraged. I felt I had given my all, and didnt think another round of prayer would make a difference.
My aunt, however, moved toward the aisle and sort of motioned me to follow. I did. I once again got down on my knees, this time offer praise and thanks. Suddenly, I was overcome. I cried harder than any other time I can remember. Jesus had come into my heart.
Of course, Satan wanted me to think that it was a coincidence. But, I wasnt sad. I had no reason to cry. But I experienced an explosion of emotion. Someone later told me: God knows the language of tears.
Several of the saints around me at that time, seemed to all sigh in relief. They knew what I was feeling. Jesus had come into my heart.
No doubt about it, by the great mercy and grace of the Lord, I had been saved! Now, I am safe in the Lamb.
But as the Apostle Paul wrote at Romans 3:27-31, I had nothing to boast of. Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith. (vr. 27)
It was Jesus who made me righteous in the eyes of God. He did for me what I could never do for myself. Boasting was excluded. It was the Lord who did this, by His grace.
Since then, I have tried to thank all the saints I meet, because they all prayed for me. In both the Portland and Medford sanctuaries, I cant begin to know how many people told me: Oh, yes. Ive prayed for you.
By the grace of God, I have been able to give brief testimonials at the Portland Camp Meeting, and in my home church in Medford. I wanted to thank all of the dear brothers and sisters whose prayers had great power in my behalf.
The Lord has answered so many of my prayers, and given me so many provisions. He has made it possible for me to witness to others, and to travel from Klamath Falls to Medford on Sundays to attend the nearest church.
A year ago, I never could have imagined I would be where I am today! I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Rom. 7:25)