Having One Of Those "Pondering Disassociation" Days :(
- Right on Dub well done !
I should probably add that we too had DA and non-DA days. It is a tough decision to make and one that I don't think most people can ever be truly at absolute peace with because ultimately the choices aren't good. The win-win is what most people want, to be able to freely choose for themselves which direction they want to go and to have the support of their loved ones. They don't allow for that option and therefore losses will occur. If we stayed in and kept playing the fading game we would lose respect for ourselves because of giving in to someone else's wishes for us and we'd be fake like them. If we left, at least we walked away with something.
It sounds like you, FMF, have friends at least. If they can be your friends while you fade, maybe DAing isn't worth it. Unfortunately, from reading countless experiences, it seems that most find the loss of those people inevitable. We knew that in our case we really had none left anyway. DAing was still tough because it is a permanent bell that can't be unrung. However, DA'ing was being true to ourselves, even if the choice isn't one we wanted to have to make. We hold our heads high now instead of hiding who we were. One of my favorite quotes is:
"Is the life you're living worth the price you're paying?"
For us, the answer was no, and necessitated a change. I really feel for everyone on here in this predicament.
The win-win is what most people want, to be able to freely choose for themselves which direction they want to go and to have the support of their loved ones. They don't allow for that option and therefore losses will occur. If we stayed in and kept playing the fading game we would lose respect for ourselves because of giving in to someone else's wishes for us and we'd be fake like them. If we left, at least we walked away with something.
this is a great explanation of it.
Also the quote
"Is the life you're living worth the price you're paying?"
I think for a while it was that way I was in a good fading point, but the blow out with the family and the gradual decent has made this less clear, and I need to take that to heart because it makes sense. Its starting to become a deficit, I'm beginning to pay too much, especially mentally and emotionally .
As soon as I can, I will just fade away quietly, probably move away or something. Just stop giving it so much thought.
It seems that more people are beginning to get past the whole mantra of "don't play their game" and deciding or pondering the idea of writing a letter and cutting off all ties. Truthfully fading becomes a chore for some of the people that I know who are faders.
They spend enormous amounts of time hiding or actually deciding to try to sell their home or move. I understand some people have no choice but to try to fade but who wants to spend 2,5,10years or the rest of their life being who they are not just to please others or have contact with people who are doing exactly what they want to do
You're a good guy and you certainly don't deserve being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I hope things don't stay this way for you much longer.
What SecretSlaveClass said...
Freemindfade, you seem to me by all your posts that you are good and very thoughtful person. I empathize and my heart goes out to people like you and others. Only you know what is best for you.
On a side note, every time that I see a new scandal or crazy idea from the Organization, I think to myself, "...this is it...surely this will be the one thing that will give those standing on the ledge the excuse to jump...surely there will be a mass exodus..." And, it does not happen. I think some people are waiting for perfect circumstances. There really are none. Or they may be waiting for others to jump first...
I have this horrible thought that one day, a few years from now, a large number of JWs are going to wake up and recognize they only stayed because the people they loved seemed to want to stay. But those people stayed only because they thought you wanted to stay. If it wasn't so tragic it would be comedic.
Everyone who comes to realize TTATT has one thing on their side that JWs believe they themselves don't have: Time. Just as it may have taken us some time to realize TTATT, so too our loved ones may just need time.
Given the world is not ending, it becomes harder and harder for the JW organization to maintain "zeal".
The fact that a Witness can go to Pioneer School - or a Regional Convention - and come back all fired up, shows how superficial their spirituality is. For if it can be pumped up so quickly, it can also be deflated with the passing of time.
There is no urgency, no emergency. Wait. Be patient, gentle and decent. Let time work its effects.
you guys are too nice
I think more and more people are not taking it serious. I can feel it, and some (like my super zealous family) they were like their own congregation. To them JW=family and family=JW. They will stick to the bitter end.
A lot of others I really believe are uncomfortable, not even by the scandal, but just the radical identity change of the org. This may get them browsing, and learn about the scandal. However in a totalitarian "thing" like this, everyone is scared to death to speak honestly and uncensored, so its impossible to know how many are starting to wake up. But I believe its gonna start picking up. Its just such a slow careful process for most.
Haha Haiku that a good observation !
I think Jackson's recent appearance on the RC ( the would be presumptuous of us line ) + the KH money grab including the selling off of some facilities in Europe fiasco ( Spain bethel comes to mind ) , the March 15 WT on the GB's aggressive self serving stance and the May broadcast has sent me over the edge. That and the Roman Catholic structure defense in a Cali court on the third party hall renovation savings account there. This all came together just when I was getting interested again. I went to the assembly this summer, promptly had a panic attack during the Sunday WT and felt ill the rest of the week. There is just no use continuing after having read COC, ISOCF, COaC and all the very entertaining Bethelite stories. That and the four kings : R, R, K and Crazy Freddie