Your Thoughts Needed

by RandomTask 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • RandomTask

    This is a complicated situation, so I hope I can explain it well.

    My wife and I were raised witnesses. We got out about a year after we got married and haven't been back since. Although we arent disfellowshipped or disassociated, my wife's family has over the past few years limited the association that her sister, who is 15, can have with my wife. We aren't "partiers" or live what they would think is an "immoral" lifestyle, we have just decided to stop going to meetings. Although we have many beliefs about the organization being evil and deceptive, we have always kept these to ourselves, knowing that it would alienate my wife's family even further from us and further keep her sister away.

    Recently, her sister has been expressing doubts, saying that she doesn't want to consider baptism until she is 18 and at that time she wants to do research on the witnesses before she makes up her mind. She has also expressed a desire to go to college when she is 18 and move away from home. Her mother has been getting more strict on her this past year, being irrational and this has further pushed my wife's sister into wanting to not be a witness and leave the house when she is 18. Still, we keep a low profile about what we believe.

    Just the other day, the sister's friend who is about the same age and who's mother was disfellowshipped but just recently started going to meetings expressed to us that she tells her mom that she doesn't want to go to meetings, we simply agreed that she should make up her own mind about what she wants to do. Well it seems that this friend of my wifes sister got in an argument with her mom about not going to meetings and used us as an example of people who don't go. Her mom being newly re-instated is quite "overzealous" at this time" Well her mom didn't like this and called my wife's mom and told her that we are a bad influence on her daughter. Needless to say that all hell broke loose, much arguing went on between My wife's mom and her sister and she even involved the rest of the family.

    We have been in hot water before with her family before, but we usually ride out the storm. The problem is that my wife really treasures her relationship with her sister and our association with her has been severely limited with her, especially over the last few months. We fear that this may actually have her mom "cut us off" so to speak. This has caused my wife to even have thoughts of going back to meetings just so she could still associate with her sister, but we decided that it would be counter-productive if we did so. These are a crucial couple of years with her sister until she is 18 and free to live her own life and we feel we have been providing an example for her as she is making good progress in leaving the witness mindset. We were just wondering what any of your thoughts were regarding what we are doing, how you have done similarly and if you had any advice.

    Thanks for taking the time to listen.

  • pettygrudger

    RT - sounds like you and your wife have met your crossroads as far as a decision - and I know this can't be an easy one. From everything I've seen since coming on these forums, everyone faces this eventually, so my hats off too you.

    If you decide to stand by your principles of not attending, etc., at least the younger sister is 15, so college & leaving the house isn't too far off in the future. Plus, even if you are "cut off" from the family, this does not prevent YOU from contacting them via mail etc.

    Wish I knew the right answer here, but I think only you & Mrs. RT have of luck to you!

  • Francois

    Your MIL is creating the very thing she fears.

    Your wife will do well, IMO, to do everything necessary to maintain some kind of communication with her sister. Your wife may very well save her sister's life: literally and figuratively.

    I sounds to me like your wife's sister has already done her research and is just biding her time. Smart girl. Until she reaches majority, there's nothing she can do about it absent running away from home. Don't recommand that, and obviously she can't stay with you. Then her mother could file a suit for interference with custody. You don't want to be on the business end of that one.

    Remember: frequently the most effective form of action is no action.


  • outoftheorg

    It seems to me that the course you have followed so far is doing very well. I would continue in the same way. It may be this flurry of anger on your wifes mothers part and the other girls mother will die down if given a little time. I would recomend that you wait this out and see if things die down.

    Your actions and lifestyle and success speak much louder than words to your wifes sister and others. So your positive influence on the wifes sister will still be there.

    To confront anyone at this time will only bring out a barrage of irrational emotional anger from the girls mother and others. As others have stated, it seems that the 15 yr old has already made some decisions. Stepping in the line of fire now would in my opinion, cause a lot of pressure directed to this girl and disrupt her life. It is hard to predict what the outcome may be.


  • ugg

    more family being ripped apart by this religion....

  • talley

    RT, hope this in not too off-topic, but when possible, might have you wife point out to her sister the grand example of baptism that Jesus left for us; the fact that He himself was not baptized until fully mature, spiritually and physically. Give the little sis some amunition in case mom trys browbeating her into being baptized.

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