My Exit

by Big Jim 8 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Big Jim
    Big Jim

    My name is Jim,I have been in a slow but now I feel complete process of removing myself from the chains of mind control.
    Before I left I was a ministerial servant as well as a regular aux pioneer, I also had book study in my home along with Sat. morning field service. Unfournatley I was raised in the non-truth since I was 8 years old, I refused to get babtized as a youth because even then I felt like things were not like they really should be from a relegion that claims to have love among themselves as well as love for neighbor.
    At the age of 16 I started to rebell against the non-truth with the result being that I did not want to be a witness I could not live in my loving witness parent household. So I left, which at sixteen years of age with no other friends hardly but the false-wittnesses this was a move that put me on the streets. I lived on the streets as a homeless person for over four years, that probally sounds horrible to anyone reading this and I have to admit I had some very bad days,and some very long cold nights but I also had some good experiences.
    I jumped freight trains all over the country, drank thunderbird wine with hobo's and I learned a whole lot about people, I found out that there was a lot o good people out there and they weren't witnesses.(is that new light)
    Four years of street life was very hard on me, I devaloped a addiction to all sorts of things, sex,drugs,booze, and most of all freedom of thought,freedom of no relegion,freedom from guilt.

    Then I realized that If I was ever going to get my act together I would need help. Help that included legal,mental,financial. So you can guess that meant me going back home which I did, and of course that meant getting back in to the non-truth, which I did.

    I will never forget going back to my first meeting, the brothers pulled me back into the cold room and this is what they told me. They asked me what was I doing back? Who was I trying to fool by cutting my hair? They said you don't belong here and that I need to quit waisting there time and my parents money and get back to the streets where i belong. (So much for the prodigile son)

    To shorten this up, I came back in the truth, married the best looking pioneer sister in the hall, which upset many brothers. (thats another whole story) Was appointd as MS as well as regular pioneer.

    Then I did the unthinkable I went in to business with a wordly person. That was the start of the end, first I was counseled against it, then I was visited by the elders and was told that they felt I needed to be releived of some of my responsibility, of course they did not mention relieving me of the book study and field service in my home. So I gladly relieved my self of that burden.

    I took my family and my self on a vacation to the Smokey Mountains,
    when I got back I had a beard (well you know the rest of the story)

    For the first year I made probally a meeting a month plus the memorial.
    Then the second year I made a meeting every other month plus the memorial. Unlike the previous year I decided not to shave my beard any longer for any meeting and this was almost to much for my wife to
    deal with so I reduced myself to going only to the memorial and to special events, like if one of my kid's has a talk etc.

    This year however I did not even make the memorial (it actually felt good)
    My daughter is getting babtized in July at the District, she is so excited about it however I feel so sad inside for her, I will very soon sit down with my family and show them why I am no longer involved with there faith and let them decide for themselves.

    Thank's for taking the time to read my post and always remember this (YOU HAVE TO STAND FOR SOMETHING ARE YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING)


  • ShaunaC

    Hi Jim! Welcome!!!

    I was deeply moved by your story. You have experienced a lot in your life that many of us could not even imagine. My thoughts are with you as you prepare to come forward with your family. I suggest going to Under "True Stories" you will find an experience of an elder who helped his family reason and make their own decisions about the org. You will find it very beneficial as you prepare for your initial discussions.

    I'm glad you found the forum. I have not been on for a very long time myself, but can already say without a doubt that all of the wonderful people here have helped me so much in my recovery. There are many very knowledgable people here in a variety of subjects......whether it be pyscological, historial, scientific, religious. I am thoroughly enjoying much of the time just sitting back and taking in all of the wisdom of others. I'm sure you will benefit as well.

    So welcome, once again! I look forward to your posts and getting to know you!


  • knight

    i have read many of the posts some i have found amusing some sad and some very true i am still a jw and i must admit my activity has slowed down my wife also a lot of the posts here sound similiar: raised in the truth bapt at 10 left at 22 glad i did and such and i think what a lot of the people on here went through similiar situations like my wife she put elders in her old congr p.o's and c.o's on a pedestal and she was in awe of them that is until she became ill and no one came to see her this occured while we were dating and when i questioned her p.o he lied and said he did go see her but he didnt and i think thats the main problem instead of viewing these men as mere mortals we give them the status of god so of course you are setting yourself up for a fall rather put your faith in jehovah not a man of flesh and blood i think you will all be better to deal with life when that fact is recognized i know i am and there are a lot of things my wife and i have to work on but i would rather do this with jehovah in our life than without him i was m.s until my privledges were taken away 3 years ago but i am still active in the congregatin working in diff areas of responsibility what the future holds is between jehovaqh and myself never let a man/woman disrupt your relationship with jehovah

  • crossroads

    Big JIM,
    Thanks for your post. Whats does the old kingdom song say
    "bravely press on". Please follow ShaunaC advice and look
    up that site. I hope you the best with your daughter because
    truely she 'knows not what she is doing' my prayers will be
    with you. As for you lean on the LORD, he will not let you
    down. If you seek the truth the truth will set you free,
    OUR LORD and SAVIOR JESUS is the truth and HE is
    the one way the one truth. So press on my brother and
    know the LORD is with you.

  • waiting

    hey big jim & knight,

    Nice to have you here. Welcome. I'm an inactive 30 yr. jw, my husband inactive 50 yrs. We've both been inactive for 1.5 years - by choice. We've spent a good deal of our inactive time reading what other's say about the WTBTS. We've read for decades what they say about themselves - finally figured it was time to take our blinders off.

    Hope you spend your time reading, conversing on the web, and hopefully with others in the *real world* who have been in high-control groups.

    Whether a cult of not - most of us will agree that the WTBTS is high-control. Tried to have a short beard lately? etc., etc., etc., etc.

    Welcome - y'all just start in!


  • ZazuWitts

    Hello Big Jim and Knight

    Appreciated reading your experiences and thoughts. I've been 'out' a long time, but am continually saddened at how the WTBTS impacts people in such negative ways. Will look forward to future comments from the two of you.

    Welcome aboard (hehe, thought this was appropriate for you, in particular,
    Big Jim.)

  • outnfree

    Welcome, Big Jim.

    I, like Zazu and ShaunaC am also saddened by the grief that your association with the WTBTS has caused and is still causing you.
    The information Shauna recommended is VERY good. Use your position as head of the household (for now, anyway ) to get your wife and children thinking.

    I just disassociated myself last month and I'd have to say that it was a combination of cognitive dissonance AND people who truly love me asking me questions while offering me unconditional love. I'm sure your family has at least SOME issues with the Org. and you sound as though you have plenty of loving concern to offer.

    I wish you all the best, BigJim.


  • Angharad

    Hi Big Jim and Knight, Welcome to the board

    Jim, I hope it goes well with your family. Stay in touch, there a lot of people here that will be able to support you through this. There are alot of threads on the board about talking to still beliveing family members and a lot of good suggestions.

  • Carmel

    Hey Knight and Jim! Welcome! I too walked at an early age, 14.5! Although I disagreed with a lot of the WT bs, I was still one scared puppy. It took a while but the fear gradually melted away and life became "normal". Although I never tried riding the rails or doing the hobo thing, I dipped my wick in a few sewers to see what it was all about. Eventually we get upright and keep on truckin. Keep in touch and let us know how things progress. I sure hope you don't loose your wife and family over your honest differences.



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