I am fairly new to this board, but already familiar with many of your stories. It seems the list is endless for people touched by the JWs. My story starts at 16. My parents showed me amazing love, but I was a typical teenager. I had a close group of girlfriends who were more like family than friends. I met the girl who would become and remain my best friend to this day in my geometry class. I had moved from out of state, and knew no-one. Nobody had talked to me all day until she turned around in class and asked me my name. She didnt seem like the normal type of person I would hang around, but then no-one else was talking to me, so we struck up a conversation. As time went on we got to know each other better. We both were on the debate team as well. Often, I would invite her over to my house, or to go see a movie, but she never would, even though we seemed to be getting along fine at school. Then after about a year, she finally accepted an invitation of mine, and the rest as they say is history. We had hooked up with some other girls from school and formed a fast friendship. The closer we got, the more she would explain why she had been so distant at first. It was her religion, and Im sure you can guess what which religion it was. I didnt know anything about the JWs back then. From the things she told me, I just thought it all sounded very strange, but didnt think much about it. We celebrated her first birthday when she turned 16. By then she had basically decided the JWs were not her thing. She had never been baptized, so she basically just quit going. She came over to my house for the holidays, and I have to tell you, holidays had started to get real mundane until she came along. I mean I always enjoyed spending time with family, and you gotta love the food, and presents. But looking back I see how much I took for granted. I had never seen anybody so excited over every little thing, and at the same time, always sad, because of course her family would have no part in these celebrations. Watching her experience so much joy, I always wondered how anybody could believe it was a bad thing. Anyway so now Im going to skip forward a little and get to the part where I meet my first love. His friend was dating a friend of mine, and so I was introduced. I thought he was the most polite, handsome, dream I had ever met. And let me remind everyone that I was 16. He was not aware of my friends exjw status. They had apparently never met. One day we were all hanging out, and an issue got brought up about politics. Someone asked him if he considered himself a democrat or republican. He replied that he did not consider himself politically affiliated. This meant nothing to me, but my friend caught on to that. Later that night she pulled me aside, and told me that he was a witness. She also told me to run. Oh if only I had listened. But I didnt understand, I mean I knew people of different denominations that were together all the time. I had a lot to learn about the JWs. So almost two years went by and I began to get use to the idea that he would never introduce me to his parents, but I convinced myself that one day he would work up the courage. It even got so pathetic, that I really thought I was getting somewhere when he introduced me to his little brother. Oh the glimmer of hope. My friend kept trying to tell me about the org. and how they operated, but I kept holding on, believing that he truly loved me. Our relationship eventually became sexual, he took my virginity, and as time went on I found out I was not the only girl on his play list. We reconciled, because I was an idiot. Then some things happened which are a little to personal to get into, but lets just say my life was forever changed. After 2 years of holding on desperately to hope against hope, His best friend called me. We were talking for awhile and then he told me that my man had some good news to tell me. Oh, there are not words to express how elated I was. Was he finally going to tell his parents about me. I had offered to convert in the past, maybe he wanted me to, so we could be together. When I finally talked to him, I was so excited I could hardly stand it. He didnt even tell me in person. He called me to inform me that the good news was that he had been accepted to Bethel. These Jw terms were all foreign to me and I didnt understand what that meant. When I asked him to explain, he just told me in a matter of fact way that he was moving to N.Y. He told me that he would always love me, but that he had to go to Jehovahs work, and that maybe this is what he needed to get straightened out All my girlfriends were sitting around my basement with me while I talked with him on the phone that night. I guess I was numb at first, and so I didnt know what to say, so I hung up the phone. I couldnt even hardly talk at first, I still remember my throat being so tight as I tried to choke back the tears. I never cried, and my friends were used to seeing me strong. I was determined to keep up a strong front. I finally managed to get out what had happened, and My friend explained to me what Bethel was, and said she thought a lot of people go there to meet their mates. That was all I needed to hear. I collapsed on the floor in a crying fit that is to this day unrivaled. I had never been so heart sick, and felt so used and stupid in my whole life. Seeing me like that must have pushed my friends over the edge, because the next day I found out that my friend had a meeting with the elders at my soon to be exs cong. I begged her not to go because of course I was still in love with him, but she said that it wasnt right for him to have done the things he did, and come out smelling like a rose. So of course he was disfellowshiped, and the most pathetic part of the whole thing was I still loved him, and he would not talk to me out of anger because of what my friends had done. I didnt understand at the time what he sacrificed, and now I really dont blame him for being angry, but looking back I can also see that I really never meant that much to him to begin with. I was just a toy until his bethel papers came in. In the aftermath, he decided to join the marines, as his family would not speak to him anyway. Later his father was diagnosed with cancer, and he died still not speaking to his disfellowshiped son. As time has gone by my friend has told me more about the mental abuse she suffered at the hands of elders. When she was young her father was physically abusive towards her and her mother. The elders met with her to discuss her behavior, and one told her that if he had a child that acted the way she did, he would beat her too. She was encouraged on several occasions to drop out of school. The list goes on and on. Later my father would marry a JW. We have a pretty good relationship, but after everything Ive seen I cant hardly stand to know that shes a part of that org. Worse yet, they have a son together, and so I have a little brother. Knowing what I know about growing up in that religion, it breaks my heart to think about his future. My stepmother is familiar with the scandal that erupted with my ex, way back( yet another testament to the JW sewing circle). Though it still stings a little from time to time, I have made my peace with it. And I am able to look back and say, no matter what he did, he never deserved to lose the love of his family. Whenever it has been brought up, my step mom says that he deserved it because he was living a lie. I guess he was, but dont we all at that age. I cant imagine what I would have done if my family refused to speak to me every time I had made a mistake or disappointed them. She of course doesnt understand. So I call myself the incredible JW magnet. All I have ever seen evidence of is broken families, crushed spirits, and a wake of destruction left from their path. I think my step mom has plans of converting me, and shes crazy! Maybe if she had seen what I have before she made her conversion, shed be a Methodist right now. But I cant make her understand. That just doesnt seem to be the right testimony for a God of love and forgiveness. So thats my long sordid story. Sorry to bore, but it feels good to finally get it off my chest.
Edited by - meadow77 on 6 December 2002 10:4:27