Crisis With Singles and Single Parents Looming?

by Pathofthorns 4 Replies latest jw friends

  • Pathofthorns

    Likely we've all noticed that on the two major JW discussion forums the most active forums are the "Singles or Dating" forums.

    It would appear that there is an increasingly large number of single parents appearing in the congregations these days for whatever reason.

    I admire these ones for the effort they put forth to bring their children up taking on the role of both parents.

    From many of their comments in the "singles " forums, it appears many find being a single parent an extreme liability in "the truth" as far as finding a mate goes. I wonder if JW culture has something to do with how these ones are viewed as prospective marriage mates vs. the mentality in the "world".

    As far the single people go, there appears to be almost a certain desperation to get married, further scaring off potential mates.

    The Society's advice for pioneers to marry pioneers, or for sisters to look for brothers with "titles" appears to throw more snags into the equation.

    Anyone else have any thoughts on this? It seems people are either desperate to get married, or desperate to get out of their marriage. I'm not saying there are not happily married couples, just that the large number of younger people will likely make this a more prominent issue in the future if it isn't already one.


  • Simon

    I think the number of 'happy couples' and the success of marriage in the truth is exagerated. I saw somewhere that the society has as high a divorce rate as the rest of the world.
    Considering the pressure *not* to separate by the society then there are probably many more who live on in failed marriages just to keep up appearances.
    The bottom line is that marriages in the truth fail more than those in the world

  • Seven

    path, Being a part of the JW singles, dating and courtship scene is like being a walk-on in a David
    Lynch film. It's about as surreal as it gets. In my honest opinion I see very little difference in the number of the desparate to marry and desparate to divorce people in the world vs
    those in the truth. We just play by a different set of rules-or should I say morals. I think many couples that have taken their relationship a little too far physically end up getting married
    out of guilt or just for the sex-both wrong reasons. I am simply flat out turned-off by the whole situation.

    happy to be single,

  • SolidSender

    Or 7 how about similar to a leading role in an Arthur Miller play ie. The Crucible? The disrespect for individual privacy in the lie ( I henceforth refuse to apologetically refer to it as the truth ) is in my opinion appalling and inexcusable. I don't know why anyone would put themselves through it. Your relationship suddely becomes everyones relationship like it's public property.
    Pathofthorns - I think the "snag in this equation" - titles ( lets face it - rank ) is symptomatic of the entire sterile, fleshly, sinister mindset that pollutes the entire "brotherhood" ( read 4th Reich ). -SolidSender

  • Roamingfeline

    What a good meaty subject to sink ones teeth into! I was at first, a married parent in the truth, but married to an unbeliever. That was pretty rough, as he was an abusive alcoholic. And you know the rule, "If they don't beat you half to death, you have to stay." Well, my ex was MENTALLY abusive. And sometimes that can be far worse. When the pain became too great, I left despite being told I had to stay, and thus became spiritually "marked".

    What was even worse, my ex and I were separated for four years before divorcing, and he knew I could not be "free" until he committed adultery, hence, being emotionally abusive, he wasn't about to do it! So there I was, struggling to support three children on a less than high school education (at that time) with very little help, my mother was dying of cancer, and the friends were telling me I was "bad" for leaving my abusive mate. I wasn't good enough, no matter WHICH way I chose to turn.

    Single parents in the "Truth" are made to be very lonely, as they are never invited to the couples' homes since they don't fit in, and they are not allowed to be with "worldly" friends without being shunned. So it is an extremely lonely position to be in. A huge struggle and you never fit into any niche.

    Finally, I'd had enough. I took things into my own hands, because OBVIOUSLY, Jehovah certainly wasn't going to help. I told my ex that I would give him just 30 days to make up his mind, or I would move back home. I got divorce papers in a week. Then after the divorce, when I had a settlement and enough money to buy a home, I did so and started building up my own life!

    I was sooooo lonely though, and knew I'd never be good enough for a brother, (not that there were any to be had!) because I was a single mom with three kids and divorced. At 33, I wasn't willing to spend the rest of my life that way. Finally, after 6 years of loneliness, I decided to date a "worldly" man. I was disfellowshipped for uncleanness, just because I was DATING this guy and couldn't prove that we hadn't had sex. We hadn't, but that was beside the point. I couldn't PROVE it.

    It was a vicious cycle of emotional abuse. To this day I don't think I've recovered, and I honestly don't think I ever will. I did get reinstated, but by that time I was starting to put two and two together, and realized that not only was the Truth not the truth, but that it was emotionally damaging as well. That's when I left. And I won't go back. Ever.

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