How to say, "I'm sorry".

by DevilsAdvocate_DA 2 Replies latest jw friends

  • DevilsAdvocate_DA

    In view of the thoughts for a day or so I believe, not being judgmental, these thoughts may apply.

    For all of us:

    "Healing Touch"

    Apologizing is an esseniual skill that adults need to master by practicing over and over (so do Jehovah's Witnesses no matter what state in life he/she is to Jehovah and Jesus Christ). It is also important enough to teach children the whys and hows of saying "I'm sorry." Dr. John Taylor, a psychologist explains: "Nobody is perfect in relationships. Apologies add a level of sincerity that is unbeatable." But merely saying "I'm sorry" alone isn't enough. The erring person (all of us) also must make amends by fixing the problem he/she caused, or do the other person(s) a favor to demonstrate his/her desire to rebuild the relationship.

    In addition the person (you and I) also must change the behavior that caused the problem in the first place .i.e. a husband gets mad (angry, dogs get mad) at his wife and angrily throws his wife's favorite vase against the wall, spewing flowers (that he just gave her) and water all over the carpet(that he must clean-up).The husband first must admit that what he did was wrong and apologize for his actions. He also must buy another vase of equal or better value, plus flowers. Then he must tell her that he won't throw things when he's angry, and he must do his best to stick to this new behavior.

    However, each relationship (be whatever) has a limit to the number of apologies that it has to take. Taylor compares a relationshiop to a beautiful peice of wood; Every act that causes hurt in a relationship (be whatever) is represented by a nail pounded into the wood. An apology lifts the nail out, but it leaves a hole. Making amends fills the hole, but the mark is still there. If a person contunues to pound more nails into that piece of wood, even if the nails are pulled out the wood loses it strength and beauty (and we all see the holes and the one who put them there). Some people will apologize but don't want to listen to the other person talk about the hurt he/she caused, said Dr. R. Patterson, family therapist and author. Listening to another person talk about the hurt means we have to face our own guilt. We have to admit to ourselves that we are capable of hurting our spouse and children. In this case our fellow HUMANS in, or as some say, outside the organization. Parents (and fellow humans) need to apologize in front their children (fellow humans), even if it means practicing with another adult (in this case fellow JW Dissussion board). Children need to see that their parents can resolve problems that may have been created by anger, because then anger isn't so scary. Taylor suggests having children write down the steps of making an aplolgy, role play with a parent and refer to their notes if necessary.


    1. Admit the mistake.
    2.Account for the incident. Tell why you behaved that way.
    3.Acknowledge the pain you're caused.
    4. Apologize for hurting the other person.
    5. Ask for forgiveness. You don't have the right to demand forgiveness.
    6. Affirm the friendship or the relationship. (I want to continue to be your friend. it's important to me)
    7. Make amends. Fix the problem (replace the vase as may be the case) or do the other person a favor if you can't fix the problem.
    8. Adjust your behavior so the problem doesn't happen again.



    P.S. I have seen this put into practice here on this board and over on H20. I make me, and I believe it is the same with you all, when ones practice this benevolent manners. I just thought we needed a little brushing up.

    P.P.S. Friends don't you believe or feel that IF the WTBTS would put these items into partice, the holes would still be there, but wouldn't it change the hurts some have toward them?

  • battman

    It is often the "coverup" not the crime/mistake that hurts the most IMHO


  • DevilsAdvocate_DA


    I agree.


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