"Tis Ones' For Me"
Some might have heard some of these thoughts, enjoy again, other will learn to appreciate them.
"Great Truths About Growing Old"
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is opional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxaton.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
I'm getting old when I get the same sensation from a rocking chair, that I once got from a roller coaster.
One of life's mysteries is now a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till the thought goes away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Fight now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
It's frustration when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
I finally got my head together, and then my body fell apart.
There cannot be a crissis this week; my schedule is alread full.
Time may be a greata healer, but it is a lousy beautican.
The older I get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then my body and my fat are really good friends.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom; sometimes it come alone.
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain consciousness.
Amazing! I just hung something in my closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
It is bad to suppress laughter. It just goes back down and spreads to you hips.
Freedom of the press means no-iron chothes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Seen it all, done it all, and can't remember most of it.
Inside of every old person is a young person who wonders what happened.
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the older you get.
I am very regular. I pee every morning at 6:30. Unfortunately, I don't wake up til 7:00.