I'm afraid about her...

by Zaanieth 8 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Zaanieth


    At first, sorry for my bad English.

    I found this forum in BBC when I was looking for something about JWs because this sect became a big problem in my life 3 or 4 months ago.

    Last 4 years, it began on elementary and now it continues on high school, I was in love with one girl, but I didn't know much about her, because she was entering group B and I was entering group A in the school. I wanted to know more about her so I didn't tell it her and long time I hoped that will be a situation when I will speak with her. But this wasn't happened. I prepared some words and I told her the last day on elementary school and I hoped that one day I'll meet her somewhere and start a friendship. Last 2 years, I did much for this but everything failed so in the end of last school year, I wrote her a letter where I asked to know something abou her. After one complication with Czech post service she sent me an email. After I read it, I was shocked. She told me nothing about her hobbies, interests etc., only that she believes, it is very much for her, she behave as Bible say, that JWs (!!!-this was the first time I knowed it) are known for this and that she think the Biblical hope is the nicest thing in the life. And asked me if she can tell me something from Bible.

    Now overview:
    In the Czech Republic lives more than 10 200 000 people and 23 000 JWs at all. We are one of the most (or the most) atheistic countries in the world. For example, in my group on elementary school nobody from 24 people was practicing christian and possibly 3 people was non-practicing (everything girls). In my group now on high school one girl is practicing catholic and 1 or 2 other girls are non-practicing, from 32 people. My mother is catholic (but not strong), my father, brother and me are atheists. And I'm a really strong atheist, I have much reasons for it, and I don't like religions because I think they did much bad and not much good. I was afraid of she can be a believer, but we was once at church with school and she didn't listening to the priest, so I took it that she isn't. Now I know it had another reason. And if a loved one or a friend of mine is believing, I'm in bad situation, but if she/he is JW, it's really hardcore. I knew JWs before from my childwood. After communists left the government for democratic parts in 1989 (I was 5 and I was on demonstration with my mum:-)), all Czech 15 000 hidden JWs begun the invasion. They were really annoying so everybody know about them. I was afraid of them, they stopped people on the streets, went to their homes (and sometimes it was hard to get them out-my own experience) and stayed with Awake or Watchtower everywhere. But now the situation is good, one can don't know that they exist, because they have enough paying members.

    Back to my story. Whole holidays I didn't nothing, I was only thinking about her and JWs. We changed some opinions in emails and she wrote me we will stop the discussion. I read much articles about they before this. But I read more articles about they after this, I asked some people and I read picks in this forum. I stayed in 3 positions: to let her live as she want, to get her out and now again to let her be. I talked about her with her friend (non-JW), she (the friend) told me that I have no chance to get her (the JW) out, that she (the friend) tried. She (the JW) was JW from her childwood because her mother was and is the JW. Her father isn't but everything indicates he don't care about his children much.

    Now, before I really give it up, I need answers to some questions: how do JWs behave to their children if they don't want to become a JWs ? Are there any ways to get somebody out when he/she don't agree with it and you are out of non-violent means (transfusion-I think it's the past now, other things)? And is there on the forum somebody who was succesfull in getting out another person from the sect?

    Thanks everybody for answer. Everybody who know her told me she is very clever (she had probably the best success on elementary school from both groups) and a good girl, she is now 17 or 18 like me and I'm afraid she will live the life in lies and do bad things for her sect. I know much of the JWs' (and christians') opinions (homosexuals, vegetarians,...) and I don't like them. I like her because I loved her, but if someone else had the same opinions, I'll be angry with him/her.

  • ugg

    life is too short for this kind of a headache...you just have NO IDEA what all is involved here...believe me,,,the turmoil is NOT WORTH IT....your agony will be beyond words should you get involved...


  • wednesday

    you will probably not want to hear this, but ugg is right-it is best u find someone else. she will not leave her religion just because of u, she would face being disassociated or disfellowshiped shuould she take up a relationship with u-whom she considers a worldly person. She is trying to convert u and if she cannot she will not speak to u.

    there is an old rock and roll song form the 50's that in part says"Young love , true love, filled with deep emotion..." I know u must feel this way now, but if she gives up her religion for u, she could grow to hate u and might go back. save yourself a lot of heartache and try and find someone who thinks more like u. If not u could find yourself singing a tune that Meat Loaf sung"It was long ago and far away, and so much better than it is today..." THINK


    Edited by - wednesday on 20 October 2002 17:18:27

  • Gopher

    This girl belongs to a religion that believes everyone else (over 99 percent of the world's population) will soon be destroyed at the final battle of good versus evil called Armageddon. Whether you have heard it or not, she believes anyone outside the faith (including you) is condemned and should be avoided, because otherwise she may hear things from you that will weaken her "faith".

    Like the two previous writers said, this is very deep and really isn't worth all your trouble. Find someone who isn't trapped in a "sect" that controls their people so deeply. You will be so much happier.

  • jurs


    Your english is quite good!!

    There isn't really much you can do to make this friend leave this religion. I remember what it is like to be in love at 18 but believe me you don't want to be involved with a Jehovah witness no matter how much your heart is drawn towards her. The religion will always come first and you second. If , lets say ,you get married, your children would be raised this way no matter how you may feel. You won't celebrate holidays and time will be taken away because she and your kids will be at meetings and out in service. Everything is affected. If one day the 2 of you should marry you will also be marrying the organization. Its hard to explain but even if you are not a witness it will still affect YOUR life in a big way. Why fall more in love with someone whom later will make your life more unhappy. Find a diffrent girl! Thats not what you probably want to hear but later you'll be glad.


  • A Paduan
    A Paduan

    Go out with her - make it plain that you will never be a jw, because they are in such error they can't be God's org. - then you'll see how she really feels.

    You want to know, so find out. If she would explain the full truth of her position, tell her you can wait and see what she thinks later if you want.

    It's difficult - I mean, do you know who she is? Does she?


    Edited by - a paduan on 20 October 2002 19:3:0

  • Zaanieth

    I don't think she'll leave her religion because of me, she don't know me much and it's impossible. I only want to know, what do JWs with their children if they don't want to became JWs. If they use physical or psychical terror or something like this. Because if they really do them bad things, I'm decided to get her out to take freedom to her children if she's planning to have some. I think I know some methods (well, not so friendly) to do it. I really don't like groups like JWs because they do much bad in this world.
    And something about her. I told in my first pick she has a friend. It's girl too and they were the best friends on elementary school and now, when they both visiting another schools, they are good friends too. Her friend isn't a JW and she often tried to get she (the JW) out. And she (non-JW):
    -drink alcohol
    -have often pre-marriage sex (once with a married man)
    -visiting discoteques.
    She (the JW) know it all. But they are still good friends! Her mother knows much of it too and of course don't allow her daugter to do these things with her friend, but she (mother) allows her (the JW) to have a friendhip with her friend (non-JW) and they (the JW and the non-JW) have relative freedom.
    And she had more non-JW friends but she (the JW) never tried to involve them to the JW group (only me now:-)). So I think she isn't too corrupted by JWs' religion as many others, so it could be sufferable to her if I get her out. And if you can help me, please type me some kinds of getting JW out of the organisation contra his/her opinion.

    -and, for everybody, I don't want to became a JW, of course!

  • Buster

    A witness girl is just not worth the effort. You will never have a relatioship with her. The most you will get is a relationship with her and her religion. They will insinuate themselves into your most basic life. You won't be having a conversaiotn with her, you'll be having a conversation with someeone who will go back and check to see if her reactions/answers were in 'harmony with book-this, chapter-that.'

    Imagine how marginalized you'll feel when she tells you how the children are to be disciplined. How would you feel when you are all enthusiastic about a birthday, and then find that there will be no party - unless you sneak one in somehow.

    She will expect her children to become JWs. If she thinks it will help encourage them, she will isolate them completely from 'worldly kids'. She'll get in the way of your children interacting with other relatives (non-JW).

    But to answer your question, how she treats resistant children can vary. First off, if she hooked up with you, she's breaking some pretty basic rules. But even among the most avid, the answer still varies. But I have seen mothers disown their children. I've seen mothers manipulate a situation just so they can try to get the grandchildren into the coven. But I have seen devout mothers acting normally too - save the occasional 'when are you coming back?' question.

  • Jayson

    Buster that is such an honest answer. I have seen everything that you attest to I.R.L.

    And I agree, it is just not worth it. It's not just one person. There is massive excess baggage that goes with the relationship.

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