Got this through one of my e-mail lists:
FEARED APOCALYPSE GONE WITH THE WIND
BROOKLYN -- (AP) "Armageddon wasn't what it was cracked up to be," says
the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, "and, man, are we pissed." Much to the
dismay of Jehovah's Witnesses worldwide it seems the long awaited apocalypse
came and went this past week without most of the world's six billion people
even noticing.
The Brooklyn-based religious sect known as Jehovah's Witnesses has spent
over a hundred years zealously proclaiming what they call "Good News" --
that is, the violent destruction of the planet's entire human population.
Decades of speculation, hype and rumor about a fast approaching "really,
really bad day" has turned into exclamations of shock and
disappointment.
"That was it?" exclaimed a dazed Jimmy Joe Jeeter, an elder in a Queens,
New York, congregation. "I was expecting something dramatic, you know,
earthquakes, fire balls from heaven and billions slaughtered!"
What Jeeter and his estimated six million fellow believers got, says
Watchtower spokesman Eric Von Hussle, was "a really bad smell."
Information referred to as "New Light" is slated to be released in an
upcoming issue of the "Watchtower" magazine. The publication will explain
that Armageddon occurred this past Thursday, and despite dramatic
predictions, was merely an immense methane cloud issuing from a backyard
in Rahway, New Jersey.
"OK, we were expecting lots of dead bodies," Von Hussle admits, "but I
heard that there were lots of people downwind who had to go to emergency
rooms
because their eyes hurt real bad."
Some disgruntled members of the sect briefly picketed the Brooklyn offices
this morning chanting "How come they're not dead!" and "Where's our free
real estate?" But the demonstration quickly ended when protesters
obediently headed for nearby doughnut shops after being organized into car
groups.
In a press release issued today, Von Hussle claims some sect members were
over zealous in their expectations about the magnitude of Armageddon and
had misread Watchtower Bible and Tract Society publications. "Sure, we said
'Armageddon' -- but some people wanna run ahead and think the worst," Von
Hassle said. "It's imperfect human nature -- what ya' gonna do?"