Are your mother in law and sister in law still trying to run the show where your husbands treatment is concerned? What is he undergoing now? We are thinking about you guys xoxoxo
Goldengirl hows the MIL saga coming?
(((( Golden Girl ))) sending you good vibes and strenght during this most TRYING of times. I am in AWE of your strength not to kick mommy & sister-in-law out the door. I know you probably have fantasies of doing so... dooonn't go to the dark side. No all kidding aside. You have my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the concern.
Sister in law went back to NY.
Mother in law is about 1 1/2 hours away. She won't drive here by herself...
He talks to his Mom every morning! She got a car phone so she could talk to him cheaper. (Long distace)She quotes scripture to him and they "Talk". She is 80 years old but you wouldn't believe it! When she calls now I just say Hi and hand the phone to hubby. I don't need her criticism right now!
I cut her grass about a week ago and she criticized that. So I figure she can reach into her pocket book (Which is very big!) and PAY someone to cut her grass next time. And hire someone to do all the jobs she had my hubby and I do EVERY weekend! Hubby doesn't feel like driving that long trip anyway. So I have a good excuse...
My kids don't have much to do with her.(3) They are all grown and she has never made an effort to contact them (Or her other non-JW family members). They have made efforts to see her but she always criticizes them and tells them how they should go back to the Hall.also.Now all of a sudden she is asking about our son. He lives about 20 minutes away. Having a sick mind I am putting 2 and 2 together! I bet with hubby sick she is looking for a replacement to do her "chores". She is in for a big surprise! She shunned him to long to get him back now! Let her get her Precious Witnesses to do her chores!
So hubby and I are taking one day at a time. He isn't a fighter and I can see him losing muscle . He is used to letting every one else do his thinking for him. (Except me!). I keep telling him he needs to fight this from inside himself. But he just wants to drink his miracle Noni juice and believe it will cure him. So far I don't see where it is "curing him". His Mom has talked so much about how so many food are "Bad" for you that he is afraid to eat anything. So we have disagreements over that. I don't think he has to worry about getting fat!
Please excuse my bitterness...I can't really vent to hubby ..and I can see a lot of friends shy away when you get emotional! I guess they just don't know what to say. So thanks again. I guess you got more than you asked for!
Edited by - Golden Girl on 4 October 2002 13:3:17
I was glad to see this thread. Been thinking a lot about you today.
So, mommy went home, eh. Gawd, those people make me sick. At least they are out from under your feet - or should I say, don't have their nose quite so far up your arse. Hey, I'd say you have every right to sound bitter or any other way you chose to react at this time. And the part about your son - no shit. But when you talk about bitterness, remember JW's are the bitter one's. Especially when the family doesn't come running to their rescue because of age. Hypocrites, all of them.
Wish I could find the words to express how I really feel about your circumstances, but it's difficult because I detest JW's so much and I'm sure you have enough to deal with, without my added sarcasim.
You're in my thoughts...and give those nonJW children of your's an addaboy for me. You must have some good support from the children.
Keep in touch with us all.
It is all right you have the right to feel angry and a bitter. IT is good to vent and let it out. Voicing your thoughts, hopes and fears helps you sort through it all. I feel a vibe of anger towards the situation of Noni Juice, and the lack of fight within your husband. It is understandable, you want him to do something... fight to stay with you in this world and not leave. Rather than hiding in his own little world in safe ignorance.
My mother was the same way, she believed until the very last couple of days that she would "heal". An there were flashes of acceptance of what would come as the illness progressed. Unfortunately, the cancer was a highly agressive form. In a matter of days and weeks the cancer destroyed, rather than months. I hated how fast it all went down. An was angry at the helplessness I felt. That is what I realized, I was angry not only that didn't my mom fight, but at the down right denial of what was happening. ( then I realized how can you fight some thing your body that is an invading force ?) I wanted her to do something anything, not just accept the norm. I also realized too it was her decision and she was "at peace" with herself. So I had to ask myself some hard questions. The rate of everything going down with her illness, soon took over any time to try to figure all this all out. After her passing, I went for grief counseling.
But at the sense of helplessly watching is horrible. I felt that no matter how much I did, it was not enough. The one thing that my mom told me that made sense and comforted me, was that I was a comfort to her just being there. So that did make a difference.
Some people react to terminal illness in many different ways. I think he hopes by ignoring it, that it will heal and/or he is frightened to open that box up and look inside. Death is a scary thing for many people, the unknown. Snoozy, I know this is painful. Believe me, I would not wish this on anyone. All you can do is, take one day at a time.
As I said above, I attended grief counseling. The reason being was some people could not fathom how I felt. Some said some really.. off centered things like "get over it", "she is no longer in pain" or "she was better off". What they did not understand is that, I was not ready to let it go. I was still grieving and even though yea, it is depressing in subject.I needed to talk about it.
My husband, did not fully understand how I felt. He would get impatient with me when, I would try to talk it out. He felt I was dwelling on it. When in fact, I wasn't, it was to vent the pain I was feeling at the loss of someone dear. It wasn't until 1998 did he truely understand what I was going through when he went through the loss of his mother.
Again people find death a hard subject to deal with. Some are afraid to say something wrong so rather than messing up. They choose to avoid breeching the subject at all costs, causing more pain than they intend to do.
The best thing for anyone to do, is just to show love and support. Even the smallest jester of compassion is appreciated. If you don't know what to do, ask. Is there something I could help with or admit "I don't feel comfortable with death issues, but I want to help, you tell me what I can do ?" Just knowing they care helps.
I had someone who brought casseroles over and help with the cleaning of the home. It gave me the freedom to spend more time with my grandmother when she had cancer and passed in 1997. That is was the best blessing they gave to me. Anyway, Snoozy just know there are people who care and understand. So go ahead and vent, rant and rave.. scream.
Because, we've been there and done that... and survived what I thought would kill me too, with the pain of loss. With the help of someone just listening and offering gentle advise help me. I came away with knowing life is a gift. But, we need to share it with others in love and helping one another. For in that, is fullfillment of the gift~ of life.
Thank you so much Linda! You know it's funny...before hubby got sick I never really hated the witnesses...Now I can't stand to be around them!. When his Mom and sister visit I just grit my teeth!.On the phone they tell him so many Quack remedies! They had his dad taking so many vitamins and herbs ..doing so many other things to his already sick body..I couldn't stand it. Then they wondered what was making him sick to his stomach! His body couldn't process the pills!. They read an article and swear it will "Cure" him. It is usually an advertisment for something they get in the mail from a health food store.. And he believes them!. That is what is so frustrating.
His dad had Prostate cancer. It ended up spreading to his bones.He wouldn't take blood so they were giving him a shot that costs $1,000.00 . I wonder if it had blood fractions in it? They finally got Medicare to pay for it!
Xandria..you bought so many memories back for me. When my parents died it took me at least 2 years to believe they were dead. I even waited in the waiting room after my dad died because his brain still showed activity... even though they had pronounced him dead.They said it took a while for that to stop registering. That really bothered me!
For the longest time I thought people could still think after they were dead. No one could really explain that to me.
You made some very good points in your post. It gave me a lot to think about.I want to thank you!
So again..Thank you both. Your words of wisdom came at a good time!....