Thinking of Going Full Disclosure With Wife. Sorta

by freemindfade 69 Replies latest jw friends

  • FayeDunaway

    Oh my, those last 4 posts were quite discouraging. This religion tears apart families. I think I'm the first woman to contribute here, and I just want to tell you what to say through my perspective.

    Assure her you love her and you want to stay strong together and she is the only one for you. She might be somewhat insecure about that, because you are an attractive man. Also assure her you do not want to be the master of her faith, that is up to her. If she started seeing things your way eventually, that would be fantastic, but you won't push her and you will let her decide on her own, but no matter what you will be by her side. Let her know that even though you have decided you don't believe in any of it, you are still a moral person and you're going to be a faithful husband. Let her know you know how hard this is for her, and you are the one who changed, and it's not what she was expecting when she married you. But remind her you married for love, and that has not changed.

    I didn't read the Gerber story yet. It sounds great. But just wanted to tell you what a female would want to hear. (Edit, it took forever to write that, and I do think clarity who posted meanwhile is female!)

  • leaving_quietly

    I finally told my wife about a year ago. Same reaction as most here have had from their wives. I let it drop for awhile, but it kept coming up every few months. Apparently, she did go to the elders, but they told her that as long as I wasn't spreading anything, there wasn't anything they could do about it. Of course, she couldn't be specific with them as she never let me divulge to her things I discovered.

    Our marriage is terrible. Not much fighting or arguing anymore. But the eye rolls, the inability to even make eye contact, the look of disgust when I walk into the room, the not sleeping in the same room... it's all terrible. I cannot help but feel that the storm is approaching.

    Having read Daniel Genser's story, I have a feeling of shock and awe. I know Daniel and Devon personally, as acquaintences. I worked with them on an RBC project a few years back and even visited them in their home. It's been a few years, though. For them to go from full-blown JWs to out in a matter of less than a year is nothing more than incredible. I wish I had the chance to talk with them both before they moved to the other side of the planet.

  • Nitty-Gritty
    @ freemindfade "To give an example, in the watchtower yesterday there was a non-sourced idiotic statement by the watchtower. About "the majority of people who lost their virginity". I circled it and wrote next to it "Source"?
    The above feelings are expressed by "worldly" people. The WT article doesn't specify whether it's talking about those "in the truth" or those outside, but I would say it is talking about those "in the truth" according to the context. So how much more regretful would young people "in the truth" be, who are supposed to know better. The majority of those have evidently later said they regret having sex outside marriage.
    The thing is, you are "allergic" to anything JW, and so anything will spark a negative reaction in you even though in reality it is unfounded.

  • bradford


    I guess it really comes down to how close you and your wife are, how open you are with each other, and all that. I kind of planted some seeds with my wife to let her know what I was thinking and what I was discovering. She recommended that I talk to the elders, which I did. After I told her how the conversation went and it only reaffirmed my lingering doubts we both shed many tears knowing what it would mean.

    I actually told her I would stick it out and fake it for the sake of her staying in touch with her brothers. She said she would rather me make a decision one way or the other and just deal with what would come, so I did, and she respected me more for that than anything I ever did as a witness.

    About 8 months later we are both free of the mind control.

    On the other hand..she could turn on you. I think you would know better than anyone how she would react if you went full disclosure. Maybe inch out onto the ice to see if you hear any cracks and keep going if it is still safe.

  • Oubliette

    On the other hand..she could turn on you.

    Nothing screams cult like family members turning on each other!


    Ist gut, ja?


  • StrongHaiku

    FayeDunaway - Oh my, those last 4 posts were quite discouraging.

    Maybe my post came across as discouraging. Sorry about that. But, sometimes it is necessary and useful to contemplate the "worst case scenario" and the reality of what could happen. The stoics had a technique called the "premeditatio malorum", or the technique of contemplating potential misfortunes in advance. The exercise was to take a fear and imagine (sometimes live it temporarily) to put it into perspective. (If you like sci-fi, think about this like the "Gom Jabbar" exercise in "Dune" if that helps.)

    Ultimately, the exercise was meant to convey that regardless of the outcome you still had yourself. This is reality and there are no guarantees. Only you can decide what is best. But, like I said, I do not regret a single minute. I still have me.

  • freemindfade


    the only thing I am allergic to is dip shits, and you are giving me a huge rash, lets breakdown your stupidity:


    To quote your first article:

    Studies in the United States and Britain have shown that significant proportions of sexually experienced youth wished they had waited longer to have sex for the first time, or had some other negative feelings about having started too soon.

    I guess what they meant to say is what the watchtower said.

    The second

    The top three most common regrets in women's top five lists of regret were in descending order: Lost virginity to 'wrong' partner - 24% of women cite this as a top five regret, in contrast to only 10% of men. Then came 'Cheated on past or present partner' - 23% of women put this as a top five regret in comparison to 18% of men. Third was - 'Relationship progressed ''too fast'' sexually' - 20% of women put this as a top five regret, while this only applied to 10% of men.

    Your third article:

    The median age of the girls was 17, while the age of their first experience of intercourse ranged from 11 to 17 years, with a median age of 14.

    Dr. Skinner says if they have sex at a young age, before they are ready, it is reflected on as an unpleasant experience which they regret and this in itself is an undesirable outcome.

    Your brilliant google searching has not produced a single article that reinforces the watchtards statement that "the MAJORITY of not waiting for MARRIAGE REGRET it.

    And the watchtower article doesn't specify ANYTHING. Thats the point I am making.

    take the stupidity to another discussion please, this one is not about premarital sex, thanks bbye

  • cappytan
    the only thing I am allergic to is dip sh!ts, and you are giving me a huge rash

  • freemindfade

    *drops apostate mic and walks away*

  • FayeDunaway
    Loved the Daniel Genser story!! If anyone here hasn't read it, click on oubliette's link above. It is beautiful.

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