by Celtic 8 Replies latest jw friends
Some individuals may find it difficult to give themselves compliments and/or personal praise for their accomplishments. Does this apply to you?
What mechanisms do you employ to pay yourselves individually, the reception, personally of more praise, and compliments?
Do you enjoy giving praise to others?
What are your views on giving out and receiving compliments?
Celty
Some individuals may find it difficult to give themselves compliments and/or personal praise for their accomplishments. Does this apply to you?
Yes. When I know that I'm good, I feel good about it, but don't want to tell people. I rather want them to find out for themselves. If I find some need of improvement, then I would work on it.
Celtic, ...hhhmmm ......interesting that you bring that up. I have been curious about this for a while. As an outsider, I have noticed that Jehovah's Witnesses seem to think that being "humble" is wonderful. It is used as a compliment. What is wrong with pride and joy in accomplishment?? I would find excessive bragging or boastfullness annoying, but certainly not evil in any way. If someone has worked hard at something, and done well as a result, they should be really pleased with themselves....and others should be proud of them for their accomplishment. It acts as positive reinforcement to continue to put the effort in.
I love self gratification!
This very issue has been a top priority in my recovery since leaving the borg.
Growing up I was the oldest daughter of a perfectionist father. He put alot on me as far as my accomplishments. I never told him a lie until I was about 15. He had me being a robot and exactly what he wanted. If he told me to stand in the rain on top of the house, I would without reservation, knowing I might never understand why. If he said to, it was done.
The first time I lied to him it crushed me to the core. I couldnt tell him the truth. I would have been in so much trouble. He said he believed me because he trained me , yes that is the word he used to never lie to him. And he said he bet his life I would never tell a lie to him. Boy talk about a guilty conscious and hurt. What kind of daughter was I. I failed. I hurt him and he didnt even know it. I hung my head down and it was just the beginning of my world going down hill. I was embararrased by mother's drug use, stumbling in front of everyone at the hall, going down the aisle. I tried to be the one to protect her and help her , but it was shameful. I hung my head down more.
Just the years of being a witness enforced the notion that we are not good enough. We never can do enough to please Jehovah. Really that meant the elders. I really let them down in alot of area I felt. More low self esteem.
When I left the borg, others told me I had some wonderful qualities about myself. I thought oh they are so sweet just being kind,knowing I am new to leaving. But then it started to sink in , yeah I am that way. I am a good person, I do have something to offer to a friend. I started watching tv shows that dealt with this issue , reading books. I am still working on building my self esteem. When my husband tells me I am beautiful and he loves me , I thank him, and say I know you do ,and I love you too. Before I would cut myself down, compare myself to others, and wondered how could he love such a mess of a person. Now I can feel it from him , because I feel it myself. I still have along way to go ,but I feel I am a pretty good mother, I admit I am not perfect, but I am a pretty good person and I like myself. Once I got off the perfection or nothing idea, it opened the idea to accept at first the little things I could tell myself that was special about me.
I read , lol in on old AWAKE article about Grown Children of Alcohlics,(drugs use same thing) , how they can be told 1000 times by their mates that they are loved and they never believe it. So I can understand my low self esteem, goes way back to early childhood, before things I can even remember to the things I know happened. This helps to see it is not that you want to hate yourself , you were put in a position to do so, taught to beat yourself up as a mean of control.
Loving yourself is another great gift of FREEDOM...............
Great Post Mark,,,,,,, made me feel good about myself again........ hugs,,,,,,,, Dede
Of course I know how to praise myself. Haven't you read the bible? Don't even get me started on dad............
Sunshine, I feel much like you do. Out in "the world", I am totally embarrassed by "attention". As long as I am satisfied, that's usually enough for me.
Of course, I always enjoy receiving a genuiene compliment for something that I've worked really hard on. And, I like it when hubby says he likes my garment or hair style, or appreciates something I've done.
I have learned to do good things for myself, instead of trying to "punnish" myself. That self-esteem thing had me down for many years. It's difficult trying to be "perfect" when you think that is the only acceptable thing. And, also at the same time, feeling "worthless". Gosh was I ever mixed up.
I give compliments freely and honestly. But, I'm a person who will not "tip" unless the service was at least pleasant. I don't believe tipping should be automatic. Lots of my friends think I'm wrong about that, but, oh well. I'm certainly not going to tip someone who is rude and unpleasant.
Just my 2cents worth.
Sentinel
I wish I was better at it. I'm very hard on myself and not prone to reflect on good things I've done very often. I guess I have the Empire to thank for that. You just can't be happy and self-confident as a dub. When you raise your head above the crowd, someone's always there to take a chop at it.
But I will say this. Self confidence comes easier outside the Empire.
Col. Bendrr, [classified]
That's what they tell me, jjrizo.
