Disfellowshipped at 18

by asensier 52 Replies latest social relationships

  • asensier
    asensier

    You can probably guess how this story goes.

    I began dating a non-witness boy. He knew I was a baptised witness and understood the consequences I faced for dating him. We agreed to keep our relationship secret, which was easy considering our 200 mile distance. However, a witness friend thought it was his right to inform my parents. This led to a blazing argument, including two elders being called to my house in an attempt to help change mind.

    Baptised at 16, everyone expected me to agree with the Bible verses being read to me. That didn't happen and a long story short is that I have now been living with my boyfriend for four months. 200 miles away from my home.

    Tomorrow, it's being announced that I am no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses. Tonight I have received several messages from once very close friends saying goodbye.

    What I'm struggling with is how I'm being disfellowshipped as 'an act of love.' I'm 18, and not even my own parents will talk to me, let alone my closest friends. I feel completely abandoned. My boyfriend, despite his misconceptions about the religion, has been the only person to give me full support. He never made me leave the religion as my family think he did. In fact, he said he'd still be with me even if I decided to return home and continue as a witness.

    I left the religion of my own accord. I'd been having doubts after getting baptised too young and I guess when I began dating my boyfriend, I found the courage to leave the faith. Even if it wasn't my original intension.

    I'm here looking for some support.

    Take a look at my new blog: xparadiselostx.wordpress.com

    Thanks all x

  • TheListener
    TheListener

    Asensier, I offer you a warm welcome and a listening ear. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation with your family. I am glad that you have someone in your life offering support. Please don't let this situation derail your future. Research your witness beliefs, if you have them any longer and then do your best to move on with your life making sure to surround yourself with supportive positive people.

  • FayeDunaway
    FayeDunaway

    I have a daughter who is 18. I can not IMAGINE disowning her because of her falling in love with someone who isn't our religion or following the rules. What it takes for witnesses to do this is serious mind control. Please know that your parents are being controlled and they don't know what they're doing. They can not think for themselves anymore. Try not to take this too personally but know that you are still a person worthy of love. This happens every day in that religion. Heartbreaking.

    p.s. You are completely adorable together!! Please pursue your education, at least you have a great college application essay to write now.

  • brandnew
    brandnew

    You...have just began....your life....free of having a chain made of 7 links........gb members telling you how to live your life....

    Live for the day...

    Be free......

    Much love...

  • sparrowdown
    sparrowdown
    In the words of an eighties pop song - Welcome to your life, there's no turning back.
  • John Aquila
    John Aquila

    What I'm struggling with is how I'm being disfellowshipped as 'an act of love.' I'm 18, and not even my own parents will talk to me, let alone my closest friends. I feel completely abandoned.

    It is not an act of love.

    Now that you are away, it is time to start doing research on the Watchtower. It will take some time and effort but it will help you understand why they act that way. You can start by going to JWFACTS.COM

    Welcome by the way.

  • cofty
    cofty

    Welcome.

    It is a harmful ideology that pressures young people to consent to a set of rules and beliefs that they can't ever challenge and then cuts them off from their closest family and friends when they do.

    I wish I could tell you that your friends or parents will probably relent but the chances are they won't. I'm sorry.

    You are young and have lots of potential. You have somebody special in your life. Please forget all about religion and put any fear of deities and judgment days out of your mind. Focus on building a new life and a career. Plan for a lifetime, the end is not nigh. You will have a great life and your JW past will fade but the loss of parents will always hurt.

    If you need factual information to combat the psychological influence of the Watchtower please spend some time as JWFacts.com

    I wish you and your boyfriend lots of happiness.

  • asensier
    asensier
    It's a difficult concept to come to terms with. I know everyone thinks they're doing the right thing for me but I can't help but feel alone. I've been putting up a brave front for months but with the announcement tomorrow casting shadows over me tonight, I feel a bit overwhelmed with loss.
  • FayeDunaway
    FayeDunaway

    It's completely understandable you feel overwhelmed right now. This is a biggie. You may go into mourning for a while.

    You never know what may happen in the future and how many friends or family you will get back, but it does take patience. No this is NOT loving and it's not biblical.

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    As difficult as it is for you now, you're worlds ahead by leaving at such a young age. At least you're not saddled with a jw husband and kids that would be in the middle of you leaving a cult. And a cult is what the Watch Tower is. Google Lifton's criteria of thought reform and the BITE model.

    As loving as your boyfriend sounds, he can't be your whole life. It's not healthy for either of you. So live your life. Get a job, go to school, make friends, explore the world! If you're careful about who you choose, you can build a family of very good friends. And if you have non-jw relatives, reach out to them. I'm certain that most of them will be glad to hear that you're out of the cult and will want to get to now you.

    There will always be a listening ear on this site. So use it when you need to.

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