Thought I would pass along this news item from the morning paper since Fred was on the subject of Armageddon. -- r.
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FEARED APOCALYPSE GONE WITH THE WIND
BROOKLYN -- (AP) "Armageddon wasn’t what it was cracked up to be," says the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, "and, man, are we pissed." Much to the dismay of Jehovah’s Witnesses worldwide it seems the long awaited apocalypse came and went this past week without most of the world’s six billion people even noticing.
The Brooklyn-based religious sect known as Jehovah’s Witnesses has spent over a hundred years zealously proclaiming what they call "Good News" -- that is, the violent destruction of the planet’s entire human population . Decades of speculation , hype and rumor about a fast approaching "really, really shitty day" has turned into exclamations of shock and disappointment.
"That was it?" exclaimed a dazed Jimmy Joe Jeeter, an elder in a Queens, New York, congregation. "I was expecting something dramatic, you know, earthquakes, fire balls from heaven and billions slaughtered!"
What Jeeter and his estimated six million fellow believers got, says Watchtower spokesman Eric Von Hussle, was "a really bad smell."
Information referred to as "New Light" is slated to be released in an upcoming issue of the "Watchtower" magazine. The publication will explain that Armageddon occurred this past Thursday, and despite dramatic predictions, was merely an immense methane cloud issuing from a backyard in Rahway, New Jersey.
"OK, we were expecting lots of dead bodies," Von Hussle admits, "but I heard that there were lots of people downwind who had to go to emergency rooms because their eyes hurt real bad."
Some disgruntled members of the sect briefly picketed the Brooklyn offices this morning chanting "How come they’re not dead!" and "Where’s our free real estate?" But the demonstration quickly ended when protesters obediently headed for nearby doughnut shops after being organized into car groups.
In a press release issued today, Von Hussle claims some sect members were over zealous in their expectations about the magnitude of Armageddon and had misread Watchtower Bible and Tract Society publications. "Sure, we said ‘Armageddon’ -- but some people wanna run ahead and think the worst," Von Hassle said. "It’s imperfect human nature -- what ya‘ gonna do?"
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Edited by - rabotnik on 24 March 2001 3:9:41
Edited by - rabotnik on 24 March 2001 4:58:58