It has been a LONG LOOONG time since I posted on here, but never ceased reading all the posts and keeping up on the changes that have been going on! But it just seems that now I have a need to get something off my chest, and this is the ONE place that will most definitely understand the topic at hand. I have been disfellowshipped for about 8yrs now, and have dealt with the 'consequences' of that decision: all my so-called friends in the org left and I was also abandoned by my own family. Despite this, I have made a good life and continue to be happy with both that and my decision NOT to return to back. I will never go back...not after all that happened to me in the past (the story of my disfellowshipping) and recently, the treatment of both myself and my boyfriend - who is also a disfellowshipped ex-JW (ironically).
So...last weekend was my family reunion. I have purposely avoided these since I was DF'd all in order not to make my parents uncomfortable (as this is my fathers family). But the older I have gotten, the less I care about making others uncomfortable and more about taking my own feelings into account...basically putting myself 1st. This has been very hard for me, as we all know, JWs are not taught to live this way, but after years of therapy I have learned it is a necessity. Anyhow, my bf and I discussed it and decided to attend this years reunion. All of my fathers brothers/sisters, all of my cousins, every single family member has encouraged me to come...to stop staying away from them, as THEY accept me 'as is'. Mind you, my father and mother have not spoken to me in 5yrs. My own sister has chosen to the same - our last convo was her telling me that I was dead to her and my niece. Now the family is made aware of my coming, and I paid my dues, got a hotel room, and contributed by making the official family cake. Before I am ready to leave, I receive a call from my uncle, who tells me that my father forgot all the meat for the 1st day family cookout, and that my DAD asked that I get it from him house - all the while, my dad is in the background giving directions to where this meat is store...yet never actually just gets on the phone and speaks. The reunion location was 2.5hrs away from where my family and I live, and so my dad could not come back to get the meat, but had hoped I could bring it?! My bf was OFFENDED: how can a father who has blatantly ignored his own daughter, NOW ask for her help (minor as it may be)? Either way, bf and I get the meat and bring it to the reunion. Within 30 mins of my arrival, and warm welcome of ALL my extended family, my father pulls up and comes into the kitchen where all the cooking is taking place. Picture this: I am sitting at a table, my aunt right across from me, and my father comes in the room and is standing there talking to his sister (my aunt). She tells him that I kindly brought the meat, just as he asked, and he ignores the statement. She then says to him "...aren't you even going to say HI to your daughter?" This man mumbles under his breath and then walks out of the room! When he leaves, my aunt begins talking about how she is so disgusted by his actions towards me and that he is the last person she expected to be so mean and cold. The family cookout was a success and it was good to see everyone, My mother eventually showed up with my niece, whom I haven't seen since she was 3 - she is now 8yrs old and adorable! But the realization that this little girl doesn't even know who I am hits...and it was a bit emotional for me, but I held it together. Throughout the cookout, my father and mother keep to themselves and don't bother uttering one word, although I am told my mom longingly .stared at me most of the time. This is Day 1.
Day 2 - I am helping cook with all my aunts, and my uncles now come in the room. As we are all sitting there, they proceed to start talking about how my parents are treating me, how disappointed they are in them, and how 'hypocritical' my folks are in that THEY have not (and my father continues not to) live such noble lives as they wish everyone to believe. My aunt called my father 'a crook' as there are dealings he has had with people that were not the most favorable - dealings I have always known about yet never judged him for. So my aunt says to me "I don't understand how it is your parents can deal with your sister (who has an illegitimate child) yet not deal with you - and she is not even a Witness anymore"? NOw this news was 'new' to me, but I explained to them that if my sister decided not to be a JW on her own, that means she walked away but active JW's can still have dealings with her. I, on the other hand, was DF'd and that means no one is to deal with me on any level, this now being extended to my bf who also is DF'd...unfortunately my parents have chosen to follow this procedure. In this convo, I am told that 1) my sister is no longer a JW - but that she admitted to not speaking to me all these years because my parents THREATENED to financially cut her off (she lived with them) if she had any dealings with me at all...so she didn't. 2) my father told his bros/sisters when asked why he won't talk to me, that I am 'playing them' when I tell them the reason why (JW directive)...and that it is not the religion, but his own CHOICE not to deal with me. 3) my father refuses to directly answer WHY he ignores me despite receiving direct questions from family about it. Thankfully, they all continued to extend love to both me and my bf, and told him NOT to let me stay away from the family as they feel my father and mother are wrong in this, and that no God approves of this - and they aren't going to heaven (hahahahaha).
I was devastated! It sounds stupid, by my heart was broken...hearing that my own father - instead of being man enough to own up to his religious beliefs - tried to throw me under the bus by accusing me of being a liar...his own daughter! My own father lied on my name, just so that HE doesn't look like the 'bad guy'. I left that convo, walked outside, and cried my eyes out. My bf was angry at all of this, but he kept his composure...making me very proud. The rest of that day was the same as Day 1...my father and mother avoiding me at all costs, yet being in the same room as me. It was awkward, it was uncomfortable, but I wanted them to feel that way too. I wanted them to see that they can't keep me (or the family) in the dark about what they have done to me...cutting me out of their lives. The fact every single family member that is aware of this situation between my parents and I, commented or talked with bf and I about how terrible this religion treats people and that they cannot believe my folks choose to live this way! That in itself - is a small justice in my eyes. My parents are exposed. I needed that to happen. I needed their hands to be forced, in a sense, and for people to see that the lack of effort is on their part - not mine. And the best part...my one uncle was offended that my dad has the nerve to have me bring the food that he forgot, yet couldn't bring himself to even say 'thank you'...LOL!!!!