by Nitty-Gritty 204 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
Lisa, the very first post on this thread set the tone:
Nitty-Gritty
Hot topic on Topix seems to be Candace Conti settlement. But it's all quiet here. Are you guys aware that your hero, who was not in it for the money but to change policies, settled without changing anything?
I agree VI. Many throughout this post have condemned her for the OP.
Is it possible for a fundamentalist to have empathy? If it was her daughter or granddaughter that this happened to. The cold and ruthless tone. I would hate to be inside her head. The mental acrobatics one has to go through to live with one self in this cult is truly amazing.
I believe the ones to truly be pitied are people like nitty. I wonder what type of mental conditions she may have because of the acrobatics and CD on display here. So many JW' s suffer from trauma related to how they believe they have to treat outsiders, especially when family becomes the outsider.
At least Candace is free. Those that stay in this mental prison suffer every day from self inflicted wounds. The result is depression, auto immune diseases and so on.
I've never spoken on this subject at all, not that anyone was waiting for me to, but I thought I'd finally chime in.
First, the original post is in bad form. If you're trying to get anyone to actually listen, you might want to change your tactics. Then again, it is reminiscent of the ego driven organization that I was involved in for so long, devoid of empathy and usually either on the attack or playing the victim.
However, that doesn't mean that I don't agree with some of nitty's points. I actually was in a congregation where a convicted molester started studying and coming to meetings. He was related to another family in the congregation. The elders did a good job of letting everyone with children know the concern and he was watched. That's really about all they can do. If he went on to molest someone with everyone aware and on guard, that's not the organization's fault.
I also grew up with a friend in my congregation who I later found out was molested. His parents, both of them as far as I'm aware, perpetrated it and forced the kids to do things to one another. Just absolutely horrible stuff. Was that the organization's fault in some way? Nope.
People do all kinds of messed up things. In my opinion, many here hate the organization and want to see them taken down by any means possible. I've seen posts here lately that make it seem like the entire congregation is nothing but evil people looking to prey upon children. Saying that nobody should answer their door for JW's if they have kids. That kind of hysterical speech just casts doubts when someone really was hurt because it becomes so overblown. People always want to sue and go after the deep pockets feeling that someone should have to pay, particularly in such emotional events as the devastating effects of molestation on kids and their families. I understand why, but you don't necessarily get to sue people that couldn't have prevented something just because they have money and you got hurt. Well, you do get to sue, but not necessarily win. Going around labeling people based on one accusation is a great way to get sued yourself, and in one's honest hope to protect children they may be hurting other people unnecessarily. It is a slippery slope, and I don't believe that there is any way to prevent such things. That doesn't mean that the organization shouldn't try, but they can only do so much.
In the end, there isn't a really great way to handle this. You can't just go around labeling people with such a horrendous tag as a sexual predator without some sort of proof, physical or someone corroborating something. Nobody can really know what goes on behind closed doors. Only the people living there know, and we don't live in a world where we can police everything. With that said, the police do exist, and I'm in favor of every case being sent to them as the authorities. Barring another adult in the family going to them, if elders know about something I think that they should have to report it and let the authorities do a professional investigation, not one performed by untrained general laborers.
For years it seemed that everyone turned a blind eye to what was going on with sexual predators. People didn't seem to understand the depths of the compulsion to do what they do, and often if a person "found God" in some way and appeared to be a fine, upstanding citizen, they were cleared of suspicion. I would be concerned that in the organization this would still be true on some level. People in the organization seem to trust one another implicitly, and often to a fault. They see the organization as a romanticized group of people that are like a fantasy, all good upstanding people with hearts of gold that carry nothing but Jehovah's laws and principles on their hearts. There is an unrealistic view of one another, and of those taking the lead, that does scare me for kids. In the instance that I mentioned above where the elders warned our congregation of the new person that was attending, I shuddered as I watched my own parents let my little sister talk to him. In my opinion, he should have known better and kept great distance, especially as he was new. But like I said before, he was related to others in the congregation, and we know that we have to keep up appearances and look a certain way, even if it means possibly exposing a little girl to someone that could be very bad for her.
dubstepped: "Saying that nobody should answer their door for JW's if they have kids."
I've seen news video of a JW pedophile knocking on doors. If I were an elder in his congregation I would ban him from doing any field service.
My point is, just because someone molests a younger person once (as in the instance you mention) does not automatically mean they become a pedophile or predator. It seems this was the premise the elders were going along with.
That's true, although the odds are not good. I wouldn't ever leave my child alone with a man who had acted out with a child sexually no matter how long ago that was. Why would you risk that?
I am not condoning what happened to your friends child, and it's easy for me to say because it did not involve my children. Heck, if anything like that had happened to my son I would have wanted to scream it from the rooftops, there is no worse wrath than the wrath of a mother. Actually I would have reported it straight to the police...but that's just me. I probably would have warned the sister he was marrying as well.
My friends actions were entirely honorable and appropriate. When did it ever become a sin to tell the truth and be concerned for the welfare of a child? That she did in fact get in trouble says volumes about how this religion handles sex abuse.
Presumably if they are still married and all is well with his step children (as I am sure if it wasn't you would have heard about it) it looks like it was an isolated incidence, and if it was, it would go to prove he was not a pedophile and that if your friend would have told everyone that he was it would have constituted gossip.
You can't know if it was isolated or not. I wouldn't have heard about it if he had, I moved across the state shortly after. Some children are molested their whole lives and it never gets reported. The attitude of the elders seemed to be that since he was getting married he wouldn't be tempted to diddle little boys, but that is ridiculous, men who have a sexual preference for children do not change because they now have an adult woman, that preference is fairly well hard wired.
The problem of pedophilia is very complex, nothing about it is cut and dry as some like to make out...
I agree, it's not impossible for a pedophile to stop acting on their preferences, but my feeling is that you don't risk innocent children, ever.
dubstepped: "Saying that nobody should answer their door for JW's if they have kids."
I've seen news video of a JW pedophile knocking on doors. If I were an elder in his congregation I would ban him from doing any field service.
Sure, if someone is a known pedophile, it would be prudent not to open one's door for them if you have young children. I wasn't referring to posts in reference to one isolated incident with known predators caught on camera, but rather the view that there's just JW pedo's running amok in the streets, knocking on doors to steal everyone's children. I'm sure that it happens, but not at levels to justify the hysteria accompanying these discussions. Otherwise we should all just hide our wives and kids because the world is a dangerous place.
I do agree that there is no reason for a pedophile to be going out in field service. If rigidity and dogmatism demands that literally every individual preach the good news, let him or her write letters or something for others to follow up on. Still, if that person wants to molest kids, nobody is going to stop him/her. They can be managed, but ultimately it is up to them to stop.
