For years I was in a state of depression that was so intense I attempted suicide a number of times and grew dependent on crystal Meth. I blamed this entirely on my family particulary my mother for shunning me for leaving the org. You can only hear "you will die in the end" so many times. But through my haze of drug induced insomnia I did a lot of research, went to college and picked up many "liberal" ideas at least "liberal" in the eyes of J.W.'s. Such as Women are equal, How the hell is adultery worse than child abuse and sexual battery? For years I related these feelings to my mother and now she has left and finally is happy and living an exciting life. But somehow I feel resentfull towards my mother for acquiring such a happy life so fricken fast. Here I am 8 years out of the loop unable to cope with my insecurities for leaving. I am an absolute social outcast because of my upbringing. I mean shit I am 26 and still cant hold a relationship for more than 2 weeks, I don't look people in the eye, I tear out all of my body hairs, I am an alcoholic, and I am unbearably shy when it comes to approaching women. And in the span of 1 month after leaving my mother who for years told me of my imminent death, gets an exciting life, has a great relationship, and feels absolutely no guilt!!!!!!
How did she do that? And why am I so mad at her? Should I be? Anyone else with similar situations?