I read very carefully ISP and Farkels's comments regarding why people stay/leave the Organisation. In writing that sentence, Im very aware of the influence of being a member from childhood....41 years worth, behind me.
Both contributors made excellent informative points from their singular perspective, although opposite in view, the parallel was on the same axis, therefore just extremes of the same understanding, sort of left and right of the same line so to speak....but it made sense to me and gave me time to think about reasons....
I am STILL a Jehovahs Witness. No, I dont go to meetings, No I dont go out in the ministry, no I dont associate with other JW's....but the upbringing, the regimentation, the responsibilities, the mental regulating of 41 years has coded me to think, react and do in accordance with the actions of being a JW....
This is something that will take a long time, if ever to remove, and its a hard job deciding what needs to be removed, not all of the training was bad.
I still believe in Jehovah. I still believe in an earthly paradise, I still believe in biblical standards regarding morals, I still believe in a people for his name....
Im not sure about when, Im less than convinced about the anointed, it would seem unlikely that so many false hopes, so many misleadings over the past 100 years would have been allowed by a creator....so much lack of humility collectively by the GB....so much power play....the change in direction re generation in '95 blew me away...but it wasnt unexpected...lots of other things too, but we all have our private thoughts on certain matters...
I stayed for such a long time because of the book of Jude...I believed it wholeheartedly, I saw evidence of it, and consequently TOTALLY DISMISSED all negative thoughts for 38 years re: whether it all made sense or not...and I would not have left even now except for circumstances....and taking advantage of that circumstance, I made a decision to dissapear from the scene.
Im on my own now..away from the influence and conscience of JW's...but not free from my upbringing...I still pray to Jehovah, daily for guidance as to what to do..I pray for direction as to where to go for spiritual sustenance, I still worry about the future..armageddon and all that...I still feel that the moral code has to be applied, but I no longer have an opinion on others consciences about it...
I cant sit here and use terms like "the borg" comfortably...I have respect for the integrity of the people and the beliefs they hold...but I dont have to agree or fight them.
I no longer am sure as to the biblical interpretion of blood tranfusions...but Im fairly comfortable that what I decide to do would be done with a God oriented conscience...be it right or wrong in others eyes....he has to judge me on that anyway...
And finally...it would be true to say that I dont know if Ive made the right decision in leaving.....my faith is that he will direct me...forward...or back...either way, there doesnt seem to be a wrong choice for where Im at....