for brwneyedgirl

by LittleOnes 6 Replies latest jw experiences

  • LittleOnes

    Hello Brwneyedgirl,

    I am in a simular situation to yours. Well not exactly.

    Hey, this is also my first post after lurking here for awhile so hello all :)

    I love a young JW girl. Not in the way that you love your guy but as a little sister or even a daughter. I am old enough to be her dad and many times she has told me she wished I was.

    You have no idea how many times this has brought tears to my eyes.

    My wife and I have offered her a place to live a long way from where she is now. She wants to be away from where she is now so badly. Ours is a long distance relationship. Yes I have huge phone bills.

    Her mothers reaction to the idea was not exactly friendly ( she pretty much went nuts ) but my wife has something in common with her mother and they have started talking on the phone. Thats a pretty big step.

    This girl is so much fun. We never had any children but if we had I would have wanted them to be just like her ( except for the dub thing of course ).

    She can keep me up all night either on the phone or in a chat box. Sometimes we watch tv while were on the phone for half the night. She loves to watch stuff she isnt allowed to see.

    She has so many problems that are directly related to her religion. No self esteem, she says no guys will ever want her, her life sucks, it sucks to be me and so on. She has even told me she is such a mess that why would I even bother with her. God, I love her thats why.

    I can talk to her about anything but the few times she has talked about her religion has freaked me out.

    She told me at conventions she gets yelled at by people with bullhorns. I asked her what they were saying but she wasn't sure. When I ask who they are she just says they are apostates and are from the religion that she has no part in. I asked her what religion and she says "the pagan religion"

    She quickly changes the subject. This stuff really scares her. I mean to the point of not being able to even talk, she is so scared of the freaking Watchtower.

    Anytime I bring up meetings she changes the subject. I know when she has meetings and when her family studys are but when it's time for them she just says she will be gone for awhile. It's like she is almost trying to hide it from me. When she went to the memorial she said she was going to be gone for awhile and could she call when she got home. I said "so your going to the memorial ?" She asked me how I knew about it ? She said "did I tell you ?" I told her I read a lot. She said "you read what , where ? Please don't read anything except our official site, anything else will only confuse you, they are all apostate sites." She says every site that has anything to do with JW's on the internet is apostate, every site except our official site. She is so paranoid about everything.

    She even says that others pose as JW's and go door to door passing out counterfeit Watchtowers.

    She says everyone you meet online that says they are JW is an imposter.

    Are these people freaking out or what ? Were Talkin paranoid taken to the extreme.

    She misses a lot of meetings. She says she is sick, but as soon as her parents leave she is on the phone with me :)

    She is such a shy girl and is 18 years old. She hasn't been baptised but has been a JW since she was three years old.

    She also told me that she will never have to do any of the "talks" or speak at any meetings. Maybe someone here could tell me why she doesn't have to do any talks. I read about talks all the time. She says she will never have to participate. She says her parents can do them but she never will. I'm not sure what she means. Maybe i'm confused about the talks.

    My friend is a prime example of a double life. This girl wants to have so much fun and she does late at night after her parents are in bed. This is when I get most of the phone calls :)

    Her and her mother have burned books in the past, she is freaked out by smurfs and so on. It makes me sick to see what this religion has done to such a sweet girl.

    My friend is also a Silent Lamb. She has so much pain in her life from this so called religion.

    It has screwed her up forever.

    You are up against something even more powerfull than love but you never know what might happen. I wish you the best with your guy but I know how much heartache you will and have already gone thru.

    Do you know what I was told about JW's when I was growing up ?

    " stay away from them, they belong to a wierd cult and are sick people "

    That statement from my parents was so wrong, but so true.

    This cult can really mess a person up good.


  • sunshineToo


    I'm sorry to say this, but I think she is in a biiiiiig trouble. If I were you, I would visit her with your wife, and find out what's really going on. I think she needs to see a psychologist.

    Things she is saying to you do not make sense either as a jw or an ex-jw. Low self-esteem, depression and paranoia - it's a very bad combination. And she burned books with her mom? What is this? Do you know what kind of books they were?

    And she doesn't go to the meetings? This sounds like she does not have anyone who can help her in the org. and she is terrified to reach out to outside of the org., even to you.

    Oh, I don't mean to scare you, but I think you should act quickly.

  • LittleOnes

    Thanks SunshineToo,

    Yes I know it's a big problem and her mental state is not good.

    She has seen a psyc and is on meds. Doesn't do much good though when you hide your problems from the doc like being molested for ten years. I don't think the doc knows she is JW either. She no longer visits the doc. She just refills her meds for her. Not good at all.

    She does go to some meetings but gets out of them when she can.

    They have burned some books. The one title I know of is "Lord of the flies" Her mother said it was forbidden. Her mothers mental state is not much better than hers. The stepfather rules the place.

    Can you or someone else tell me about speaking at the meetings and the talks? Does this have something to do with being baptised? She says she will never have to speak or do any talks.

    Thanks, Littleones

  • sunshineToo

    "speaking at the meetings"....hmmm......I don't know whether she meant not talking to anyone or not making any comments.

    At the meeting many times there are question and answer form of group lessons. A good example is the Sunday Watchtower study. If you have seen one of the watchtower magazines, you'd noticed that there are questions at the bottom of the page. The conductor asks questions and the audience ( anyone who are present at the meeting ) raise their hands if they want to make a comment or answer the questions.

    Giving talks is different. For a brother it is preparing a short ( 5min.) sermon. For a sister it is more like a presentation: acting out a setting of ministry. For example she can dramatize a door to door ministry in front of the congregation. It is also limited to 5 mim. For both cases a certain theme or topic is given.

    If your friend is doing none of these, then she is as good as being inactive. That is a notch better than disassociation/disfellowship in the jws' point of view. You said that she is also molested. Have you talked to Bill Bowen? Have you talked to an attorney or police? I don't think it is safe for her to stay at her parents' house. I hope it is not too late.

  • Kingpawn


    I've read "Lord of the Flies" a couple of times. If her mother is going to say it's bad because of the violence, the lawless savagery displayed by the group that hid out on the far side of the island, and so on, I'd point out to her (the daughter) that the Bible contains stories like Ammon raping Tamar, Noah getting drunk and exposing himself, Lot's two daughters getting their dad drunk so they can get pregnant by him and carry on the family line, everything about David and Bathsheba, and...well, you get the idea. Not to mention the "lusty" sentiments of the Song of Solomon!

    I agree with Sunshine that there's already a huge burden on her which needs attention. Why did she stop seeing the therapist? Was that her stepdad's doing? If she's 18, is she legally an adult in her state? If so, she can make the decision to see the therapist again (could you spring for it?). Because if the burden gets too heavy and she takes what she sees as the only way out, by the sound of it the stepdad'll just say she didn't pray enough, or didn't join "God's organization" and consider himself blameless.

    Let Bill Bowen know about it. Maybe he can help.

  • LittleOnes

    Thanks Kingpawn,

    My friend knows that with one phone call I will be at my airport, her airport and then her door to take her out of there. I have made this very clear to her.

    She is an adult and has the resources to leave but she has to make that choice. When she has had enough I will be there.

    Yes I have spoken to Bill about her. She still has to make the choice on her own to leave.


  • Vivamus

    Littleones, welcome on the board.

    You sound like one of the best friends anyone could wish for. Be there for her, like you have. Although she may not show or tell you, a friendship like yours, outside of the Borg, is lifesaving. Have you suggested to her that she could come over and visit? Maybe that would make it a bit easier for her, she wouldn't have to make the dicision to move, just to stay with you for a couple of weeks. It might give her some peace.

    About the talks, as a sister when you want to give talks on the stage, you sign up with an elder and you get told when and what subjected to prepare for. If you don't want to, you don't have to, although offcourse you'll get some raised eyebrows for not doing them.

    Good luck to the both of you!


    Edited by - Vivamus on 11 August 2002 7:58:4

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