Personal Ads: What Not to Say

by COMF 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  COMF

  Living in Dallas, I've found that personals ads usually list an abundance of folks within reasonable traveling distance... I can turn up about 220 who have posted a picture, don't smoke, and live within 25 miles of me. It's a great resource for a single guy who enjoys female company.

  I've read many hundreds of personal ads. A while back I started compiling a list of things that immediately flip the "No Way" switch. Of course, some are just my own tastes. For example, "Christian woman looking for strong Christian man" would garner instant rejection, but in her case my rejection is exactly what she wants; that's why she posted that. And then there are things like "Cowgirl looking for her cowboy"... that means she goes C&W dancing three or four days out of the week... not my style, but fine if that's what she wants; it's just narrowing down the list.

  The remarks I've clipped are more generic than that, and make you wonder what on earth they were thinking when they wrote them. Here we go:

  Well, here goes.

  Any woman who would start a personal ad with "Well, here goes" is just a little too out of touch with... I don't know, herself? reality? common sense? ...for me.

  For everyone's curiousity,,,, I decided to add my profile and it goes something like this:

  This is a wordier, even more vacuous version of "Well, here goes" above.

  I love to go to the horse races and Las Vegas.

  Men, line up please. Have checkbook or credit card in hand...

  What I'm looking for may not be out there.

  And what we're looking for may not be in you. You don't know til you try, so why are you saying this in your ad? What reaction did you think it would evoke in the readers? You won't be building much of a relationship on a foundation of anticipated inadequacy; nor will your potential suitor be excited at the prospect of climbing your Mt. Everest of expectations.

  I would describe myself as very attractive

  Just post the picture. I'll decide whether or not you're attractive. Lose the egotism, please.

  I insist that you make at least $1 more than me & agree to antinuptuial to protect each other's assets.

  Uh... before our first date? Right. Moving right along...

  Look I am a cute girl, I don't really hurt for a date. All the guys I have been dating seem strange and can't keep up with me.

  Gee, wonder why that is? No, actually, I don't wonder. Keeping right on moving along...

  Well, thought I would give this another try, but I don't know why.

  I don't either, hon. Give up. You're hopeless.

  give me my independance & I'll give you yours; practice monogomy or don't call

  All right, which is it... independence, or monogamy? Tell you what... come back and post another ad after you make up your mind.

  (Post a picture of cat, dog or horse)

  I won't be dating your pet. I really, really, really don't give a damn about it at this point. That's a difficult concept for you, isn't it.

  Special Quote of the Day:

  I'm a layed back kind of girl

  As opposed to the kind of girl who is "layed" forward, sideways, upside down, backward, leaning over the couch arm...?

  Edited by - COMF on 4 August 2002 17:32:34
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  Jesus Christ

  Reminds me of that old Replacements' song "Love Lines" where Paul sings the personal ads. I'm just in a good mood because I get to go see him this week!!!!
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  Bendrr

  give me my independance & I'll give you yours; practice monogomy or don't call

  COMF, I actually like that one line and that's a girl I'd like to meet.

  "Give me my independence and I'll give you yours". Sounds like trust and honesty to me. No possessiveness, jealousy, and insecurity. I could go indepth with that after the last one but I'll spare you the details.

  "Practice monogamy...". Monogamy is just what I'm looking for. Couple that statement with the first one and you've got someone who has firmly stated what kind of relationship she wants.

  What does it sound like to me? No "playing the field", no dating other people while the two of us are dating. A one-on-one relationship with honesty and loyalty first and foremost.

  Who is this girl? I'd like to meet her!

  Mike.
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  Beck_Melbourne

  That's so funny, I read the personal ads for some wild reason, mainly because I'm entertained by the things people say and how outrageous some of their personal appraisals are.

  If I were a guy scouting the columns for a friendship, I would prioritise what I want which would be: 1) Modesty 2) Sense of Humour 3) Wit/intelligence 4) Financially secure (or heading that way) 5) body size and looks

  I would eliminate the christian seeking christian, the younger woman seeking older male with big fat wallet, the vain woman, the slightly wacky woman with SM inclinations, the dry sense of humour woman (which means I eliminate my own kind), the carrier of lots of old baggage woman, and the green card woman.

  All the best COMF.
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  Farkel

  COMF,

  I once had a friend who had tried the classifieds and here was his take on it.

  He said that ad that says something like, "must have long-term stable job, be financially independent, non-smoker, non-drinker, no drugs, no hang-ups, physically fit, emotionally stable, college-educated, handsome, home-owner, blah, blah, blah" in reality translates into "If you are still breathing and wear pants, I'll take you."

  His experience was that any picture he received from a woman was at least 25 years old.

  Everyone who said they like "walks on the beach" were liars since hardly ANYONE actually walks on the beach. I know. I'm a beach person.

  "Full-figured lady" means "whale."

  "Great personality" means "ugly as dirt."

  "Beautiful" means "attractive," "attractive" means "average" and "average" means "butt-ugly."

  Any women who insists that her date be someone who "is not into playing games" is telling you she doesn't want a man playing on her exclusive turf.

  Any man who "must love children" must also love 8 children from 8 different fathers who range in age from infant to 8 years of age and who are not receiving any child support from their fathers.

  Call me simple, and call me naive and old-fashioned if you will, but I prefer to meet women in the traditional and respected way: by cruising sleazy dirt-bag bars right before closing time.

  Farkel
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  COMF

  Bendrr, I do understand your sentiments, believe it or not. But I venture an educated guess, here, that you haven't been doing this as long as I have, or you wouldn't be advocating instant monogamy upon answering the girl's ad. You write back and forth for a week or so, decide you're interested enough to meet, agree on a place, drive there in separate cars, have a nice dinner, agree to go out on a formal date next weekend, she relents and tells you where she lives, you pick her up, you go on the date, you have a nice time, you decide to go on another date, and on this second date you realize there are more than a couple of things that bug you about her. Midweek, you discuss them with her on the phone. Her reactions are not particularly favorable, but you go out again anyway because you've got such an investment in this thing now. It doesn't work. You drag it out for another couple of weeks, and then admit defeat.

  Now, you can do that one person at a time if you wish, meeting an average of one person every two months, if you like. I don't like.

  We don't have the foggiest idea, going in, how much compatibility we're going to find in these people we meet. About all we really know is that we're both looking for companionship of varying degrees. I'm really, strongly interested in meeting people I mesh well with, people with whom there's no work involved in being comfortable. I don't care to tick the possibilities down one at a time spread out over months. I prefer to date three to five at a time until one meshes so well that I'm willing to cut the others out in the interest of cultivating this special one to see where it goes.

  Whatever works for you, man, but I do believe if you start dating around in a scene like the Dallas personals, you're going to find that what I say is true: you don't have the time it takes to devote yourself exclusively to every princess to see whether she turns into a toad.

  What I say is as true of men as it is of women. I don't feel threatened or betrayed by some other guy dating a woman I'm dating. If we're a good match, she'll ditch the other guy in time. In the meantime, it's not like we were virgins when we met...
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  Bendrr

  I didn't mean it the way you took it Comf. I didn't mean for the situation to be that way from the first meeting, I meant that that's the kind of relationship I want.

  Mike.
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  GatoCat

  Mike: she said, "practice monogamy or don't call". I understand that to mean you can't be seeing anyone but her, from the start. That's how she got quoted in this post... unrealistic expectations.