it was beyond scarey......i was terrified......i was told,,,,speaking to you,,,,was like speaking to the
devil.....my husband is an elder,,,,and i am still "IN THE TRUTH" but have basically been in hiding
for a year....no meetings,,,,long story as to how i have managed that.....conscience and guilt, guilt
and more guilt are still active....but it is very very slowly getting better....it has been very hard....
i almost took my life......another long story....i think you just reach a point where it becomes a
matter of survival,,,,,,and just say NO MORE....i am lonely.....as you all know,,,,you cannot have
worldily friends....and i don't have any....except where i work.....and i don't socialize with witnesses....i cannot deal with it on a mental level.....although they have been kind,,,,and have tried
to reach me...in every way possible....i do not wish to hurt my family,,,,,i have been in the truth
for 30 years....i know THE HURT,,,THE SHAME,,,,THE GUILT,,,,that results from not being
obedient....it is not an individual punishment,,,,,it affects every one....and so public.....i guess i
am venting.....i worked all night.....and had to put in over time....so i am tired....and trying to
relax.....the thing that has surprized me the most,,,,is that you are PEOPLE.....what i have been
told and taught,,,,is you are all completely evil.......but what i see is that you laugh,,,care,,,,,
and seem to tell the truth.....how odd....from what i expected......i have lived in a dark tunnel....
i have NEVER had worldily friends.....as a result,,,,,i also have no social skills....HICK!!!!!!! i don't
know what the future will hold.....the old saying time will tell.....i do not know how long i will be
allowed to stay in hiding....forever i hope.....as i am doing better.....i have worldily family that i
am close to....they do not live by me,,,,but i talk and write often,,,,i love them all....but how do you
say,,,,i love you,,,,and by the way god is going to kill you because you are not good enough to
save?????? i cannot deal with all of the reasoning any more....and i don't want to....ENOUGH....
OH MY,,,,i have really vented....thought i would write a novel....ha ha ha....time for bed....good night.
