Dear Mr. Morris,
I am writing this letter to request that you have an immediate meeting with Jehovah regarding the tight pants, Spanx (I think you mean spandex) issues. It it clear from your pants rant that Jehovah has focused his attention away from the billions of people currently suffering on the planet to address this specific issue.
Today I observed a group of witnesses in my neighborhood. It was very clear that the sisters are taking the Spanx, spandex thing quite seriously. There's a disturbing amount of jiggling going on. I think you should ask Jah to clarify if he meant the kind of spandex that is used in the production of brassieres since it appears none of the sisters were sporting any.
They were also accompanied by a young man who was wearing baggy trousers. He is obviously listening to Jah's warning about staying away from homosexual tight pants, but unfortunately his tight pink underwear was visible. Can you also please ask Jah if this includes boot cut or relaxed fit fit trousers or are they fine? Lastly, could you ask for more light on Squarepants?
I am sure this new light will put this debate to rest finally. You may reach me at:
The Pineapple Under The Sea
Bikini Bottom (are those not acceptable as well?)