by LucidSky 9 Replies latest social family
Do you know any couples that were miserable together? Or maybe just not married to the right persons? Yet they stay together anyway because it was a 'grave sin against Jehovah's arrangement'?
Two couples in one hall I knew, married and divorced. Then one of each of them got married. They were never disfellowshipped. I thought that the Society viewed this the same as adultery because they were to remain only 'seperated' or 'get back together'?
Lucid
Maybe one of the partners DID sin, confessed, cried enough crocodile tears and got a private reproof.
Hence, the cong doesn't know that the sin was committed.
The parties are free to re-marry.
You might be right about that, Prisca. But I seem to recall that the ones who remarried (or at least one of them) was put on reproof. I was too young though to remember if it was private or not. (You know how gossip travels even on "private" reproof, though!)
Hi Lucidsky
I know of many couples who stayed together for years because of the 'troof'. I also knew some couples who chose to got divorced but still went to meetings, remained unmarried and spent the rest of their lives convinced that their ex wasn't going to make it into the new system.
One older couple used to provide us with plenty of entertainment...as you would see the ex wife scowling and sneering during the ex husband's talks LOL...bunch of hypocrites if ya ask me!!
Beck
ps..what happened to your feet?
Do you know any couples that were miserable together?
yes, i do. besides myself, i know MANY who were miserable together.
Or maybe just not married to the right persons?
yes, again, like the miserable ones, there are many.
Yet they stay together anyway because it was a 'grave sin against Jehovah's arrangement'?
and there you have the reason i stayed so long, and put up with the abuse i did for so many years, 18.5.
at one point i had gotten male p.m.s., (pack my schtuffs) and was ready to leave, but i had step children at home, and the guilts over breaking "gods arraingement". however once i made that peace within myself, and with God, i walked away.
God wants us to be happy. The jw way of dating and marriage, makes for many unhappy unions. seen it over and over again. very sad.
Beck and zev: Sorry to hear that, zev. I agree with you. I always used to have the notion that if Jehovah was first, that the marriage would always work out... It does seem sad that persons should have to spend the rest of their lives either alone or in "torture", just because the first marriage isn't working out. You don't really get to practice actually living together as a couple when you are a JW. That was basically akin to "fornication".
I'm sure a lot make the mistake of getting married early just so they can have "legalized" sex. It happened to a close friend of mine and eventually they separated. She was convinced that she couldn't get a divorce, however, unless he cheated. So, guess what? He cheated to get the divorce and then got reinstated. Meanwhile, many avoided her because she was an outsider to that congregation.
Sorry, Beck. Haven't gotten your foot fetish for the day?
Lucid
Edited by - LucidSky on 25 June 2002 9:15:47
Hi, Donnie--long time, no see--your FEET!
Just got to say, I love the pun of your homepage www.osmond.com
I was in the same boat. My ex and I were miserable for 23 years. In retrospect, I think we stayed together more because of our daughter than for organizational reasons. In my case, I also felt the need to honor the vow I had taken, completely apart from Watchtower teaching. I continued to stay with her long after I ceased believing in the Borg, and would likely still be with her had she not walked out on me for not being theocratic enough, then divorced me based on HER adultery.
This is the first time I have had a look at anything related to the witnesses in almost 12 months since my marriage broke up and will also probably be my last, as I look on all 28 years of being a witness as a complete waste of my life and it is still influencing my decisions today which bugs me even more than anything else. I will never join any religious group ever again as I do not want to ever be controlled in the way I was by the witnesses. In answer to the orginal posters questions:
>> Do you know any couples that were miserable together?
Yes, have seen many, most couples in my experience hide there unhappiness. I would not say my own was miserable but there were very long unhappy periods.
>>Or maybe just not married to the right person?
I definately married the wrong person and know of others that did the same. Most of those marriages did not last.
>>Yet they stay together anyway because it was a "grave sin against Jehovah's arrangement"
Dead right, and I stuck with it for 28years. Ended when my ex-wife decided she could not live with a disfellowshipped person (never happened anyway). I know of many who stay together today out of fear including marriages of elders and there wives
Jim,
I do hope that things are resolved for you and the one you love. You seem like a very nice guy who's had so much to go through.
Remember, I read your whole story? And what a story it is. Sometimes, when "tragedies" occur, from outside sources, the marriage is hard hit. So many emotions involved. So much hurt and pain. And, the mates trying to "fix" it for each other, when there is nothing that can be done.
Acceptance is the key. Perhaps she will allow you to come back into her heart. It's obvious that she is still very much in yours.
Sentinel/Karen
