"You can't use both ends of the stick"

by DazedAndConfused 3 Replies latest jw experiences

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  DazedAndConfused

  I am so frustrated. I don't know what to do/feel/think. On one hand I want my parents "out of the truth" and then on the other hand...I wonder if it were to really harm them if they stayed.

  I know that for me...to be out is the best thing to ever happen to me. But...???

  I have talked to my parents, devout JW's...mom is an ex-pioneer (disabled now) and dad is a MS (pushing for Eldership).

  For years I have tried to reason with them. To no avail...lik that is a surprise to anyone.

  I was disfellowshipped...this did not add to my crdibility with them. But recently I am reinstated and I would have thought that they listened to me a bit more than they did before. Considering that they come and stay in my home now for District Assemblies.

  This time that they were here...I tried pushed...under duress...regarding the Dateline story and numberous other doctrines. I tried very hard not to approach any of the subjects that bothered me but my mom seemed to push a bit more than I did. It seems that the more I push the closer mom gets to the Org. and (possibly?) the farther dad gets from it.

  It came down to...me asking..."How can the Society, on one hand state that they are "spirit directed by God"...yet claim to be imperfect humans so we must understand the indescrepencies. I was talking to "mom" at this point, she did not understand how I felt...so I turned to my (soon to be Elder father) and said..."The Society claims on one hand to say they are spirit directed by God and yet then claim to be imperfect humans with imperfect problems. I don't see how they can claim both ends of the stick. Do you understand what I am saying?" He said "Yes, to an extent I do." He did not clarify further...but I think I am getting somewhere with him. For my mom, I think I am pushing her closer to this cult.

  How do I balance all of this?
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  Scully

  When I speak with my parents, I feel like I make more headway if I don't directly attack the JWs or the Organization.

  For example, my last visit with them was in April, before Dateline aired. They were all jazzed up from just returning from service, apparently a lot of people were interested in talking about the Catholic church's problems with pedophile priests.

  So I let them have a few minutes of gloating about how superior the JWs are to the Catholic church (as you'd expect), and then asked my dad - who was an elder for many years, but is now serving as a MS: "Can you explain how the two eyewitness thing works where pedophiles or other sex offenders are concerned? Child molesters seldom invite an audience, I'm sure you realize that. What would happen if (my 10 yr old daughter) said to you 'Brother So-and-so touched me under my panties'?"

  My dad said "Well, you know how that works, Scully. Two elders would go to him and ask him if what she said was true."

  So I asked "What if he simply denied doing anything? Even if he were guilty? What then? How do the elders help my daughter (his grand-daughter) who's been traumatized and is the victim of a crime?"

  He got a shocked look on his face and then stomped away. The conversation was over. But I had made my point, and he realized something was not right with the Org, and he was unable to defend it.

  It was a small step in the right direction. I think it was probably the first one in five years, that's how hard-core of a dub he is.

  Love, Scully

  Edited by - Scully on 18 June 2002 6:32:16
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  Navigator

  I can tell you from many years of experience that it is unproductive and damaging to family relationships to try to lead your loved ones out of the "borg". It often has the opposite effect as you have experienced with your Mom. They have to come to that point on their own. A minister friend of mine who had considerable experience in this area once told me, "you just have to out-love them. Besides, it confounds the heck out of them when you don't fit the pattern they have been led to expect." Dubs thrive on persecution. It is validation that they are serving Jehovah. You would get more "mileage" toward your goal by demonstrating unconditional love. Five of my six children are out now. The other would leave, but it would mean a divorce as he is married to a JW. Three of the five have divorced their JW spouses in order to reestablish relations with their DF'd brothers and sisters. Three of the five who are out have gone on to college which was discouraged when they were in. Their mother (my wife) is a full time Pioneer and one of the 144,000. The youngest was able to get out without being formally DF'd. I make it very clear to the Elders, some of whom are good friends, that Jehovah made me the head of this family and most have respected my headship. The ones who don't get a phone call. I am a retired Air Force Lt. Col. and am not accustomed to taking any "crap". I did not encourage any of them to leave, but was very supportive when they did.
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  BluesBrother

  The points in the original post are of course quite right, they do clam to have it both ways , but then

  "Dubs thrive on persecution. It is validation that they are serving Jehovah

  thank you Navigator . I try to just be reasonable and ask searching questions. No luck yet though.