Another baby? How do I decide...

by dobby 4 Replies latest social family

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  dobby

  I want another child, it's just that simple. I have one and we are past the rocky early years and now I am thinking of another one.

  However, my heart and my mind are in conflict. How do you decide whether or not it's in the best interest of your family to add another member?

  My angst in making this decision is directly related to growing up a witness. Because I didn't go to college, save for my future and just generally plan my life around a family, I am concerned that financially and emotionally I can not have another child.

  I am afraid I won't be able to afford a second child, including saving for college while I make up for lost years saving for my retirement. I don't think I will be able to afford the daycare for two kids. And I can't quit my job, I need to have a steady paycheck, benefits, 401k. And I am afraid of trying to hold down a job with two kids, double the potential sick leave I may need.

  Emotionally, I am just beginning to live. I am afraid that I will lose myself forever if I have another child. I have not taken the time to discover who I am, to find a job a really love, a true calling in life. And although I am relatively young, I am phyiscally drained from years of working, meetings, field service, etc. I need to heal, become healthy and maybe in 3 or 4 years, (having only one child), I can take the risk of quitting my job and going to school full-time.

  Yet it broke my heart the other day, as I packed away clothes my son has outgrown, I pictured another little boy wearing them, running across the room to me, his chubby arms and hands outstretched and his little voice calling "mommy".

  I am sick over this decision, does anyone have any advice?
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  Naeblis

  If you cannot afford to give your child the things he/she deserves you should not have one. Simple. A child is not a band aid solution to your mid-life crisis.
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  noidea

  {{dobby}}..

  Try and borrow one for a few days..always works for me.

  ~~~Noi~~~
  ***********

  Member of the: I have ~No-Idea~ class.
• 

  dobby

  I should say that I have not reached the "mid-life" point by any means.

  The problem is that we had originally planned to have two children so that our children could have a brother or sister. When the orignal plan was made I thought the end of the world was coming and that my biggest concern in raising them would be their spirituality, not saving for college.

  It is with a new outlook on life and firsthand experience at child raising that I am second guessing my plan. Kids are expensive, true, but they also require alot of time, energy and sacrifice on the part of the parent. The rewards of child raising, however sweet, will not fill a void in your soul - I know that.

  However, any child brought into our family is going to be loved, encouraged and supported. He or she will be getting two loyal and dedicated parents. These are things money can't buy.

  Anyway, my point is that this is not a fleeting thought or a way for me to fill any void in my life. I am too tough mentally for that - which is why I could make the hard decision to not have another child if my mind wins this debate.
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  raven101

  How old is your first child Dobby?

  Raven101