Anyone else realize they are still "waiting"??

by bafh 8 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  bafh

  I have been gone for about 5 years now. And am making good progress towards building a network of friends, and outside activities. It takes time though, and it has been harder than I expected. Part of that is realizing how superficial the relationships with JWs are, and how most of the social skills that work inside that closed group do not work outside of it. In analyzing myself, I realized that on some level, I am still "waiting" - by that I mean - as a JW we are taught to be in anticipation of Armegeddon, and the New World - and to wait or put off anything else you might want to pursue until later. It put me in a purpetual state of waiting. I was very depressed and suicidal most of the time I was attending so I was keeping myself busy waiting for everything to be over.

  Well, now that I am out, and got on meds for my ADD, I am not depressed or suicidal, but I did realize that I still had that sense of waiting. So very strange. Part of me realizing that I think is that I've finally come to the conclusion that I will likely never go back, and am not sure Armegeddon is coming, so there is nothing for me to wait for and I don't have to hold myself back in case I decide to return to being a JW. It is not a likely outcome.

  Anyway...I just thought I would check and see if anyone else had this same experience. I think it is sort of fascinating how deeply a belief system alters a person's reality.

  bafh
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  talesin

  Hi, and yes, this is familiar. :))

  Looking at this from a psychological point of view (which is my way), it's very natural. As a JW (were you 'born-in'? that would make this even more relevant), you were taught that there is no future.

  In a relatively healthy home, kids are taught to plan their futures. As JWs, we were taught, and indoctrinated, to believe that the only 'future' was the paradise lie, so we had no need to plan. Planning, in the REAL WORLD way, was frowned upon.

  So, neural pathways were formed in our brain. This means that when we think of the 'future', we authomatically shut down. Other friends have 'plans' for how their life path will go - we find it hard to make those plans. It's okay, you can change that.

  Practically speaking, I would say here's one way to go about it.

  Picture where you want to be in 5 years. SEE, in your mind's eye, how you will look. Take a big sheet of paper, and tape it on the back of your bedroom door, or some other private place.

  On that piece of paper, make a bullet-point list of, for example,

  - where you would like to be in 5 years.

  - what you can do (smaller milestones) to get there

  - alternate goals (the long-term goals, I call 'fuzzy', because life happens, they may change)

  - short-term milestones

  - rewards that will be gained/achieved - both long and short -term

  Does that make sense? Depending on how much you 'get into' this stuff, you can chart and plan things out ......... or just do the basic. :))

  Have it somewhere you can see it (that's why I suggest the back of your b/r door), so that you are reminded that hey, you are learning to live in the NOW but still, it's important to think about and make plans for the future.

  xo

  tal
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  bafh

  Yes, I was born-in. Your suggestion is great. I realize that I do plan for my business, but not for myself. And you are right, when I think ahead about my personal life, it is pretty fuzzy. You gave me something good to consider. Interesting.

  Do you think this is a common experience for a born-in?
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  sparrowdown

  Yeah, I know what you mean, this vague feeling of waiting for something that never comes.

  Puts me in mid of that proverb that says "expectation postponed is making the heart sick".

  I have it most days and figure it will wear off as I get further away from cult-life.
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  stuckinarut2

  Very good thread!

  I too have had to teach myself that this life is it...and it is a good life with opportunities to explore and things to do!

  Live life, enjoy it....Dont live with a fantasy in mind, but "own" your life and fulfil it now!
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  Phizzy

  I still experience that feeling, but then we are all waiting for the future, so perhaps some of that feeling is natural ?

  Not planning for the future is a silly mistake that I and many JW's have made. Do it now.

  Talesin's wonderful suggestions ( thanks Tal) will keep us on track !
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  DesirousOfChange

  TALESIN:In a relatively healthy home, kids are taught to plan their futures. As JWs, we were taught, and indoctrinated, to believe that the only 'future' was the paradise lie, so we had no need to plan. Planning, in the REAL WORLD way, was frowned upon.

  So, neural pathways were formed in our brain. This means that when we think of the 'future', we authomatically shut down. Other friends have 'plans' for how their life path will go - we find it hard to make those plans. It's okay, you can change that.

  Tal, that was eye-opening for me. I've always had a problem with long-term planning. A FIVE YEAR committment for a car??? A THIRTY YEAR mortgage??? The fear of the future was always there. Now I get it. I'm still trying what I want to be when I grow up (despite the fact that I'm nearing retirement).

  Doc
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  Vidiot

  bafh - "I think it is sort of fascinating how deeply a belief system alters a person's reality."

  A deeply-held belief system can, in fact, do more than just alter a person's reality.

  It can go so far as to create an alternate reality (to the believer).
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  NewYork44M

  Waiting to live is such a waste of time. I quit doing that years ago. We are on earth for a limited time wasting any minute is a minute that will never return.