“I have never spoken before in a meeting, and I am nervous. I am one week away from having 6 months clean.”
At Sunday night’s meeting, Millie spoke for the first time, and it made me consider again the merits and pitfalls of belief.
Me, I have been in recovery since the mid 80’s and have recently begun attending NA meetings again, just to feel more sane and to be there for newcomers; I know how great it was to have people at meetings with time when I started going.
Halfway through her sharing, she said:
“I wasn’t raised religious, but since coming into recovery I have been rethinking it.
I work long hours, and fell asleep at the wheel and drove into the river late one night.
I know that I am the only one that was there, I was the one who called 911, and there was only one set of footprints on the beach.
But since that time, I believe I have a guardian angel; I know I remember a brigh light shining in the window, before the police ever were there.”
She smiled as she said this, and it got me again rethinking about the power of belief and myth.
Me, I believe that she got clean, and had the presence of mind after her crash to call 911 and get herself out of the river; to me, her higher self is her higher power (and my own; I used to think that God just reached down and helped me get clean after watching me suffer for a time, but now realize that I made a choice to get clean, and that is why I am clean. It is scarier, because I can always make the opposite choice, but that is the power of choice, no?)
But this new found conviction of hers was giving her purpose and was helping her, and I would be the last one to try to take it away from her.
At what point does belief change over from helping to being detrimental?
What do you think?