Reaching Out

by jim_bean 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • jim_bean

    Hi all, I'll leave my full story for another time. But briefly: I was born-in, raised by my single JW-mother, baptised at 18, faded less than 18 months later (never DA'd.. or DF'd to my knowledge!), never gone back (though I looked over my shoulder for some time afterwards!) - I still have a little contact my JW-mother and older sister - but have a great relationship with my younger ex-JW sister.

    9 years ago, I celebrated my first birthday in the company of a few good friends; this week I will be celebrating my 9th (30th!) birthday with a much larger group... built up in the time since - I feel closer and happier with them, then I ever felt with JWs growing up.

    I don't know if it's the big birthday or what... but a few weeks ago, I started reading the odd ex-JW website here and there - and then stumbled over here and have spent the time since then reading thread after thread after thread, discussing the same kinds of concerns that I had had once upon a time. It has felt like a weight lifting gently off my shoulders - relief that there are literally thousands of people like me.

    All this has led me to thinking about those "friends" still "in"... or if they were still in or not?! I truly believe that if released from the WT/JW shackles that they were raised in, I would be as close to them as the friends who I have adopted as my "family" in the years since.

    So... I've reached out and sent some friendly messages – to a few folk whose FB profiles look a little non-JW... or who I'd heard rumours that may be out/on the way out – just asking how they’re doing etc. I'm hoping that they get back to me, as it would be good to catch up with these good people; this includes one who I knew as an elder 10 years ago, though I suspect is now out (I'm 85% sure), though I'm not about to just message him out of the blue and say "are you DF/DA'd?? Want to chat???" (I'm still thinking on this one... how to approach it)

    What about all of you? Have you reached out to people you suspect are ex-JWs/on the way out, or waited until they were completely out and in the open? Have you had any success/backlash?

  • ABibleStudent

    Welcome jim_bean, Thanks for relating your story.

    Kuddos to you for reaching out to JWs. You are smart to only reach-out to the "Spiritually Weak" (still thinking) JWs and exJWs, because the "Spiritually Strong" (non-thinking) JWs would feel too much cognitive dissonance to do independent research themselves.

    You have many options to help JWs/exJWs to overcome the WTBTS's BITE control. I would recommend that you read information by reputable cult-exit couselors such as Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs"), visiting his website on, and watching his FREE videos on his website. Just sending them emails with pictures of what you are doing (except for parties) might cause them doubts. If you start talking with them, learning how to overcome them using WTBTS's thought-stopping platitudes might help them to start to critically think for themselves.

    Best of wishes on your upcoming Birthday(s) - may you have many more B'parties.

    Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,


  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    There are few that I've had post-JW contact with. We've gone in different directions so we don't have much in common other than memories.

    Oh, and WELCOME! to the forum!

  • Xanthippe

    Welcome Jim_Bean. Happy Thirtieth Birthday

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