JWs and their views on Sex

campaign of hate

In the past i have read on this forum that the WT have a say in the "bedroom" of couples. I thought that was a bit overkill at first, but recently i have come to conclusion that this is true.

The control administered by the WT cooperation on ones sex life is not on only intrusive, its damaging. They control every aspect of ones thought and action, thus leading most down a path that said corporation wants them to tread.

This path is to get married young, and then eternal loyalty the the organisation.

So how can an organisation force you to get married young?

By restricting masturbation, porn, displays of affection whilst dating, forces young JWs into a corner where the only way to relieve any sexual tension is to get married. Everyone lives happily ever after right? WRONG!

After you married there are yet more restrictions to apply. No oral sex, No Anal sex, and the thought of having a regular daily sex life is discouraged, albeit in loaded language from the WT society. Sex within a marriage is usually pushed down to the bottom of the pile importance to have a successful happy marriage, forgetting (or not forgetting) that this is why youths got married in the first place.

Then theirs the problem of finding the wrong lifelong sexual partner, and if your getting married at 18-20, this is a high probability. Which then can lead to whole other range of problems. Infidelity, unwanted children (although they keep them anyway) and sometimes an unhealthy addiction to Porn. Which if they used hand in hand with masturbation they could have had a fighting chance to avoid the mess that is, youth marriage.

Your damned if you do, and your damned if you don't. Its a web of epic proportions, which on both angles can leave you with feelings of guilt, depression and in some cases suicidal thoughts.

OneEyedJoe

Sex within a marriage is usually pushed down to the bottom of the pile importance to have a successful happy marriage

Aside from maybe 3-4 references to the scripture that says that wives and husbands must render each other their due, I don't think I've ever heard sex listed as something that was a part of a happy marriage in my entire life in the cult.

Essentially everything said about sex in the cult is negative - STDs, unwanted pregnancy, ruined relationships/friendships, your marriage won't last if you have sex first, even if you do get married after you have sex you'll always regret not saving yourself, and on and on and on. In such an environment, is it surprising that there's rarely a healthy view of sex to be found?

Another way that they lead the youth into the trap of early marriage is by restricting dating to only those who are actively seeking marriage. For one thing, this immediately puts marriage in the discussion at the very beginning of a relationship - it's always in the mind and it seems inevitable. For another, when you're feeling those feelings of giddiness and everything that comes with new love for the first time when you're 18-20, it seems inevitable that you're going to think that it's more significant than it is. What's more is that you're going to be less trained in controlling yourself in that situation. If children are allowed to date in a more casual environment from an earlier age where they don't have nearly decade-old pent up sexual urges, it seems like they'd be more likely to have a healthy view of the life cycle of a relationship and not jump in with both feet just because they're horny and it's nice to be liked by another person.

Witness My Fury

It's what cults do: https://www.freedomofmind.com/Info/BITE/bitemodel.php

I hated being a youth (another watchtoweresque term) I was highly sexed from 11 and the guilt and shame were a huge drain on my psyche.

DesirousOfChange

Which if they used hand in hand with masturbation they could have had a fighting chance to avoid the mess

I see the seriousness and sincerity of your post, and agree with much of it, but this line just made me chuckle.

I guess it's one of those days.

Doc

freemindfade

you nailed it (no pun intended).

Even in areas where they don't get specific, the overall obsession with SEX=BAD screws your mind up, it sexually stunts people from a regular course of discovery and self knowledge. So you get people who lived unfulfilled (prudish) sex lives, and you have people who crack and go off the deep end.

The WTBTS has convinced that anything other than what you described WILL lead to the following:

Irreparable heartbreak and guilt that will last your entire life
Sexually transmitted disease
Unwanted pregnancy

All those things are implied guaranteed by the "society" if you don't follow the sex rules

Sofia Lose

By my experience in the Spanish JW community I can honestly say this is pure bs. I have been married for decades and have never experienced this type of intrusion in mine or any other couple's private intimate life. Lies, lies, lies in this regard.

One has to keep intimate stuff private. The Org has no business in mine or anybody else's bedroom.

Outside of adultery or fornication, enjoy sexual pleasures so that marriage is as much fun as possible!

SL

hardtobeme

I know of an elder that prays before having sex with his wife. That is what he told his student once when we went to conduct a book study. Always pray, any moment, even before sex.

Brock Talon

This topic has always been of interest to me because it affected me in so many ways as a "youth", but even more than that, it affected my marriage.

I discussed this issue of sex and the Watch Tower in detail in my book Escape from Paradise in a chapter entitled "Oral's fair in love and war". Here is an excerpt from that chapter:

---

I became very nervous about the oral sex issue after we were married, mainly because my wife was a very social person. She was given to speaking her mind about things without thinking, especially with people she trusted. This was a dangerous situation for us though, because if Jessica spoke to the wrong person in the congregation about the details of our love life, we could be done for. We could be disfellowshipped just for having loving, mutually consenting married sex in a way that a couple of geezers in New York had decided was perverted. I worried about this the entire time I was married to Jessica, and at the end of the day, it had a negative effect on our otherwise healthy sex life.

Thinking back on it now, I am incensed at the idea of a few old men deciding for the entire world how married couples love lives should be practiced. Who the heck are those old coots anyway to declare that giving my wife an orgasm orally was "perverted"? On what grounds do they claim it "deviant behavior"? Do they have any scripture to back up that assertion? Please don't quote me the Bible verse about homosexuals doing acts against nature. Homosexuals kiss, so does that mean heterosexuals can't kiss? Just because a homosexual does something, doesn't preclude heterosexuals from doing it as well. That's a false and stupid argument.

On the other hand, I can show you Bible scriptures that say I should "dwell with my wife according to knowledge," and that I should "render unto my wife her due." I can tell you that I had the knowledge of my wife's needs enough to understand that sometimes she enjoyed herself the most from cunnilingus. My dwelling with her included giving her due in that way. As a married man, why should I have had to feel fear or guilt about pleasing my own wife?

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised by this married sex guilt trip stuff from the Watch Tower prudes. After all, this is the same religion that teaches masturbation is sinful and will destroy you...

- Brock Talon

FayeDunaway

I think tons of witness married couples enjoy oral sex without even thinking it's bad or having any guilt about it. The watchtower comments about it were few and far between enough to not be taken seriously (at least by us) and truly, I had guilt my whole life, about everything else that I had ever done, but never about that!

ShirleyW

I've heard that prayer thing before sex, a brother gave a talk and included the wedding night, he said that perhaps you should offer a prayer since this will be your first time . . . . oh brother. .

JWs and their views on Sex

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