A "believing" mate vs. "UNbelieving" mate

by Terry 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • Terry

    The scene is familiar.

    A Jehovah's Witness family with one member who has awakened from the LIE.

    The split comes down to an interesting wrong terminology:

    UNbelieving mate vs Believing mate.

    The context of the entire Family is as a JEHOVAH'S WITNESS FAMILY.

    Damage has already been done. The individuality was sucked out. The drones remain.

    But, one mate awakens. What then?

    The awakened mate sees the lies. They become an INDIVIDUAL again simply by thinking for themselves: "What's going on here? Can this be true?"

    Thinking for yourself?
    Individuals are an endangered species in controlling religions such as the Watchtower Society.

    Once you begin to think for yourself an avalanche of things happen almost immediately!

    Investigation begins (usually online or by asking questions of other JW's) innocently unaware that your "brothers" and "sisters" are NOT your friends.

    Your marriage mate is NOT an ally. Your intellectual thirst is quarantined as though plague were about to break out.

    The internal "gasp" of fright seizes you with panic, guilt and total confusion!

    Once smiling faces tighten into speculative scrutiny of your every word and move.

    Your marriage mate treats you like your mind is gone.

    Nothing you say is heard. Nothing you feel is important to THEM.

    Suddenly you are surrounded by very attentive voices urging you to do this and DON'T do that; trust Jehovah, pray more, go out in Field Service more, don't miss meetings, stop going on the Internet...blah..blah...blah

    Your HONEST questions have become mental illness, spiritual sickness, demon possession and possible grounds for disfellowshipping!!

    Your entire life comes down to the drum beat of one repeated question: YOUR LOYALTY TO THE GOVERNING BODY.

    What is wrong with this picture?

    For one thing, a person is guilty until proved innocent. No benefit of the doubt allowed.

    There is no FREE EXCHANGE of ideas permitted. A flurry of bible page-flipping will ensue.

    Watchtower articles are cited. CAUTION: HAZARD!

    Are you TRAPPED by your believing mate into a hellish life of "pretend"?

    Are you driven to sneaky peeks at websites that report and reveal Watchtower lies and inconsistencies?

    Does the sense of overwhelming guilt cause you to ACT like the APOSTATE everyone is expecting you to become?


    However....it takes moral courage and intellectual honesty and a fearless and searching personal inventory.


    Who is on the side of Truth? I mean, really...authentically...realistically?

    Is it a group that cheats its own doctrines by constant adjustment for error? (Old Light=bad guesses)

    Or, is it the fresh air of open inquiry?

    Who truly is acting guilty if one party will NOT ALLOW questions from the other party? Who is hiding from the truth?

    Once you answer THAT question---you know which side YOU are on.

    At that point, if you see the JW side as duplicitous and sneaky control freaks---you are ready to move into ACTION.

    If you have children, their future is in danger. Not from Armageddon, but, from having their minds snuffed out like candles.

    This toxic religion will make freaks out of them with tragets on their back. They'll be oddballs and self-made martyrs just because

    some old men in a brick building declare it necessary!

    Unless......you act with COURAGE.

    You are NOT GUILITY so don't act guilty. You are COURAGEOUS. Act courageous.

    When you stand up for right you are bold. When you protect your children you are majestic!

    Look the JW's in the eye (especially your own mate) and say it straight!

    "Something weird is going on with this religion and I demand answers for my own sake and for my children's sake!"

    Don't be cowed by condescension and trick questions.

    Wave it off----politely.

    Modestly refuse to be GANGED UP ON.

    Tell the "group" of elders you will NOT sit down with more than ONE at a time because it is UNnecessary.

    Smile and repeat (as often as necessary) "No, thank you."

    Have a heart to heart talk with the Mate with GROUND RULES established before hand.

    Both of you agree that it will be one question followed by one answer and no topic hopping.

    If anybody pulls rank on you with "headship" stand up straight and say---"Hold on a minute! This is a free country and I am equal. I will NOT

    be spoken DOWN to. Treat me with respect and do NOT prejudge me".

    Take the initiative. Don't be passive. Truth is NOT on their side.

    The JW's only have two bullets and 2 bullets ONLY.

    1. Their corkscrew interpretation of Bible verses

    2.The mighty hand of the GB (all bow down)

    Your position is a DEMAND for HONESTY and not a POWER-STRUCTURE rigged kangaroo court.

    You don't have to be sucked into challenges for LOYALTY STATEMENTS. Refuse to positioned that way.

    "Do you believe that Jehovah's Organization is guided by His Faithful and Discreet slave, or not?"

    "I'm sorry but it offends me to have to pledge allegience in this way TO YOU. Jehovah is well aware of what I believe in my heart."

    The power dynamics of this religion is a minefield IF YOU PLAY IT THEIR WAY.

    Simply politely refuse to be man-handled into uncomfortable tests, private meetings with several elders, confrontations, etc.

    "I'm sorry but you are making me feel uncomfortable and I don't appreciate it." Simple and irrefutable.

    Avoid doctrine talk. You can't win. Avoid bible cherry-picking verses. You can't win.

    "I am a free person in a free society who CHOOSES what I believe according to the honesty and truth that I see in it."

    "If I don't see that I am being treated with fairness and respect rather than morbid suspicion--why would I submit myself

    to being interrogated?"

    "I'm not attacking anybody or threatening anyone in Jehovah's organization. I would appreciate it if you would return the favor

    by not threatening me or my children with Armageddon or the judgement of God." Spoken with calm self-assurance and not emotion.

    You are not TRAPPED by your unbelieving mate.

    You are burdened with the collar around their neck. Yours has come loose.

    You are FREE to go about as you so choose and your mate has a short leash.

    The real problem belongs to that mate. Don't misread the situation!

    They aren't unequally yoked to an unbeliever. You are unequally yoked to a Non-thinker

    The JW mate is acting out of fear. You are acting out of a sense of honest inquiry.

    Remember that phrase: "Honest inquiry". Like those Boereans. (More noble-minded than the rest.)

    Your mind belongs to YOU. The JW's don't own it. You have to turn it over to them first.

    You can take it back at any time.

    Your mate didn't keep the receipt when they pawned theirs!

    The interest on that loan is piling up.

    The bottom line is you cannot be Guilty if you are honestly asking ANYTHING about ANYTHING.

    You can't be convicted unless you confess to crimes.

    The job of the JW storm troopers is to badger and provoke that confession.

    Failing that, an attitude of disrespect. You can avoid that by your tone and word choice.

    It is a Game. You can win.

    Be strong. Be honest. Assert dispassionately your right to inquiry. Insist that you be respected.

    Announce when you feel they are intimidating you and call them on it---without being emotional or challenging.

    Just state the bland fact of it.

    Gather facts and stick to them.

    Secret facts that others are unaware of throw them off guard.

    If you are asked, "Where did you get that; some Apostate site on the Internet?"

    Respond: "This is either a Fact or it is Not---which is it?"

    "Answer me. Where did you get this information?"

    "I don't appreciate your demanding tone! I specifically asked if this is a FACT or not. Let's stick to the issue."

    "Do you refuse to answer?"

    "Are you saying that this is an Interrogation or an informal conversation? Because, if you are an Interrogator I will

    be entitled to the presence of an attorney. So, which is it? Conversation or Interrogation?"

    Stay in control by being on the right side of simple human rights.

    Remember: the only way you can be trapped is IN YOUR OWN MIND.

  • rip van winkle
    rip van winkle

    Terry, this method is also useful for single jw's under suspiscion of thinking!!!

  • Terry

    Thinking really is a crime in the WTS. Thought crimes in a free country is a violation of Human Rights.

  • sparrowdown

    Excellent reasoning Terry, even suspected murderers are entitled to a defence, or the right to remain silent.

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