How was it growing up dealing with over bearing parents being a born in? Right now I'm being guilt tripped about relationships and friendships with normal people. It makes no sense to me, how can you tell someone who is grown not to hang out with certain individuals? That's not prejudice at all. It's really sad that she can't see this. Or how brainwashing a person is without realizing it. Right now I just want to vent, it's so sad and it makes me angry. I just don't know what to do about the situation. It seems like the best option would be to just go ahead and move out because I'm tired of butting heads with her on this topic. But what's the worst that your parents ever said in regards to wrong behavior that you know is outlandish?
Dealing with overbearing parent?
by make yourself 8 Replies latest jw experiences
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What is Truth?
Yes moving out is an excellent idea. When it is your house it is your rules to play by. I hate guilt tripping, one of the most unsavory forms of manipulation. Loss of privileges was used often, affected me back when I cared.
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sarahsmile
I never let my mom know too much of my adult business. I learned to separate family and friends.
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talesin
This is all *after* she kicked me out at 18 for saying I didn't believe the Lie. And we were still in touch. :)
"Oh, you were out with the turkey last night, were you?" (that was my boyfriend, then fiancee, then husband - the turkey)
"Thanks, dear, but he is worldly. No, we couldn't trust him with our finances." (my financial advisor, former regional head of loans for an international bank, and a friend of more than 10 years) (and by the way, my BIL - an MS, JW - was an accountant who embezzled a bunch of $$ and went to prison)
"Oh, you have a 4.0 grade point average? That's nice. Did you know that Angie P. is a DOCTOR! Isn't that wonderful?" (this, after she denied me a scholarship and exchange program at the Sorbonne, I needed parental approval as I was only 16 - go to university? the horror!)
So, yes, I understand completely. All the while, tellng you how much they love you. It breaks their heart that you have left Jehovah. Everyone is always asking about you at the KH/is he coming out in FS this week?
Yes, move. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. Your bright (like the SUN bright) life of freedom.
xo
tal
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bobert
Wow. Going through the same thing. EXACT same thing. This may be the same in your case, but since I've always felt isolated and that I'm not normal, I really just put myselft down, instead of moving forward with my social life. This is my second year of highschool, and man, have I ever moved forward. After put negative thoughts behind me, I made tons of friends and I guess you could say I'm popular (classical sense of the word. there aren't really classes in my school). Really, you can do what you want with your life, and be who you want. Trust me, I've been depressed and suicidal, but now I'm really having the time of my life. Hope you feel better man!
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Band on the Run
The question brings up very painful memories. So many times I have to teach a JW course to explain motivation. My father was obsessed with me. I graduated from a woman's college. A lot of the alumnae would visit and teach their field and prove that women with brains could marry and bear children. A psychoanalyst addressed women's issues in my Psych class. She described my father to a T yet she never met him. All the little details were included. The WT was an excuse to lust after your daughter. A few years later I am sitting in another class and the prof. discusses my father. It was a co-ed class. The prof. did not get far making his point b/c all the males started making noises to hoot after a father lusting for daughters. There was such revulsion from the males.
I notice that I would preface "you will not believe me but I saw x with my own eyes. " They responded that of course, they would believe me. The same type of incident happened during their college days. My JW family never believed me. I discovered that public officials and police believe me. Born-ins always have to have an elevator speech ready explaining JW culture. I can give a good example from my own life. My teachers assumed my parents wanted the best for me. Most families would be so proud to have a child accepted at the Sorbonne. It is an extraordinary honor. How do you explain parents who would deny a free education to a child. You can't bribe your way into the Sorbonne.
I was into the teenage nurse culture. If I volunteered for so many hours, I would meet other girls who wanted to be nurses and also qualify for a scholarship. I had to explain why I had to quit immediately. The director wanted more details b/c she was concerned for me. I was so embarassed. Every field trip permission was hell. He would pretend I never told him any details of the trip. The details were on the permission slip. He made me enter high school during a serious riot. There was a big fight over a knife. My father was only 3 feet away. A teacher saw me in the hallway. There were about five students at the school. Parents were demanding safety before their children went back to school. My father and mother were fine if I received knife wounds. My French teacher was not happy that I was in the school. I just cried and cried that I did not want to go to school. My parents forced me.
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LisaRose
That sounds horrid Band On the Run, I just don't get parents like that.
Yesterday we went to see a friend graduate from a Registered Nurse program. It was great seeing all these young people who worked so hard to get through the course, which was obviously very difficult. The parents and family were so happy, knowing how hard they worked. It was very moving, the call it a pinning ceremony, each graduate had their parent or spouse put their pin on for the first time. They each got to have a statement read where they thanked their family for helping them get through, parents and/or spouses had to help with child care, cooking and cleaning, it's a very intensive program.
All families should be like that. It made me sad for the JW kids who would be denied an opportunity like that if they wanted it. An RN averages 60K a year in salary and more importantly has a challenging and rewarding career.
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LisaRose
Double post