Fun with the Bible Highlights

by HowTheBibleWasCreated 2 Replies latest jw friends

  • HowTheBibleWasCreated
    HowTheBibleWasCreated

    Over the next five years we will be reading through the book again and commenting at the highlights. Here are some jewels to comment on in the next few years:

    This year:

    Leviticus 17: 14 For the life* of every sort of flesh is its blood, because the life* is in it. Consequently, I said to the Israelites: “You must not eat the blood of any sort of flesh because the life* of every sort of flesh is its blood. Anyone eating it will be cut off.”*+ 15 If anyone,* whether a native or a foreigner, eats an animal found dead or one torn by a wild animal,+ he must then wash his garments and bathe in water and be unclean until the evening;+ then he will be clean. 16 But if he does not wash them and does not bathe himself,* he will answer for his error.’”+

    Make and off comment on blood transfusions that is contrary to th WT but agrees with this scripture. Like for instance taking a shower after receiving blood lol.

    Numbers 22 (Use the 1984 version for this)

    27 When the ass got to see Jehovah’s angel she now lay down under Ba′laam; so that Ba′laam’s anger blazed,+ and he kept beating the ass with his staff.

    Make a comment about how this means we should spank our childrens butts!

    Next year:

    Switch the jw library program to the KJV for this:

    1 Kings 14: 10 Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.

    Here are your comments>>

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vgE1vKAWaY&list=PLfbxB0kKayCT7OvEV38fSPAFjlPHBdq0w&index=19

    2 Kings 2: 23 He went up from there to Beth′el. As he was going along the way, some young boys came out from the city and began to jeer at him,+ and they kept saying to him: “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” 24 Finally he turned around and looked at them and cursed them in the name of Jehovah. Then two she-bears+ came out of the forest and tore 42 of the children to pieces.+ 25 He kept going from there to Mount Car′mel,+ and from there he returned to Sa·mar′i·a.

    Mention how Jehovah LOVINGLY protects bald people from insults.

    Nehemiah 13: 23 In those days I also saw Jews who had married* Ash′dod·ite,+ Am′mon·ite, and Mo′ab·ite+ women.+24 Half of their sons were speaking Ash′dod·ite and the language of the different peoples, but none of them knew how to speak the language of the Jews. 25 So I reprimanded them and called down a curse on them and struck some of the men+ and pulled out their hair and made them swear by God: “You should not give your daughters to their sons, and you should not accept any of their daughters for your sons or yourselves.+ 26 Was it not because of these that King Sol′o·mon of Israel sinned?

    Mention what a FINE example Nehemiah was for elders lol

    Year 3

    Psalm 137: 9 Happy will be the one who seizes your children
    And dashes them against the rocks.+

    Mention that it is not wrong to pray for worldly children to die.

    Ecclesiaties 3: 12 I have concluded that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good during their life,+ 13 also that everyone should eat and drink and find enjoyment for all his hard work. It is the gift of God.+

    Use this highlight to announce you upcoming superbowl party!

    Year 4

    Ezekiel 23: 18 “When she went on brazenly engaging in prostitution and exposing her nakedness,+ I turned away from her in disgust, just as I* had turned away from her sister in disgust.+ 19 And she kept increasing her acts of prostitution,+ calling to mind the days of her youth when she prostituted herself in the land of Egypt.+ 20 She lusted after them like the concubines of men whose male members are like those of a donkey and whose genitals are like those of a horse. 21 You yearned for the obscene conduct of your youth in Egypt+ when they fondled your bosom, the breasts of your youth.+

    Feel free to make your own comment up about why the bible contains ponography.

    Micah 7:5 Do not put faith in your companion
    Or trust a close friend.+Guard what you say to the one who lies in your embrace.

    Mention your marriage problems to the whole congregation

    Malachi 2:3 “Look! I will ruin* your sown seed because of you,+and I will scatter dung on your faces, the dung of your festivals; and you will be carried away to it

    Mention how you wish you could poop on Christmas presents.

    Last year:

    All of John 2: (After Jesus turns water into wine) 13 Now the Passover+ of the Jews was near, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14 He found in the temple those selling cattle and sheep and doves,+ and the money brokers in their seats. 15 So after making a whip of ropes, he drove all those with the sheep and cattle out of the temple, and he poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables.+ 16 And he said to those selling the doves: “Take these things away from here! Stop making the house of my Father a house of commerce!”*+ 17 His disciples recalled that it is written: “The zeal for your house will consume me.”+18 Therefore, in response the Jews said to him: “What sign can you show us,+ since you are doing these things?”19 Jesus replied to them: “Tear down this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.”+ 20 The Jews then said: “This temple was built in 46 years, and will you raise it up in three days?”

    Mention how We should not drink too much wine bacause after Jesus made so much wine he went into the temple spoke really weird things and caused damage and havoc.

    Acts 23: Looking intently at the San′he·drin, Paul said: “Men, brothers, I have behaved before God with a perfectly clear conscience+ down to this day.” 2 At this the high priest An·a·ni′as ordered those standing by him to strike him on the mouth. 3 Then Paul said to him: “God is going to strike you, you whitewashed wall. Do you sit to judge me according to the Law and at the same time violate the Law by commanding me to be struck?” 4 Those standing by said: “Are you insulting the high priest of God?” 5 And Paul said: “Brothers, I did not know he was high priest. For it is written, ‘You must not speak injuriously of a ruler of your people.’”+ 6 Now Paul, knowing that the one part was made up of Sadducees but the other of Pharisees, cried out in the San′he·drin: “Men, brothers, I am a Pharisee,+ a son of Pharisees. Over the hope of the resurrection of the dead I am being judged.” 7 Because he said this, a dissension arose between the Pharisees and the Sadducees, and the assembly was split. 8 For the Sadducees say that there is neither resurrection nor angel nor spirit, but the Pharisees accept* them all.+ 9 So a great uproar broke out, and some of the scribes of the party of the Pharisees rose and began arguing fiercely, saying: “We find nothing wrong in this man, but if a spirit or an angel spoke to him+—.” 10 Now when the dissension grew great, the military commander feared that Paul would be torn apart by them, and he commanded the soldiers to go down and snatch him from their midst and bring him into the soldiers’ quarters.

    Use this account to mention that in court cases it is okay to insult the judge offhandedly and cause dicvision between paries and distirbences to get off free.

    1 Corinthains 9: 26 Therefore, the way I am running is not aimlessly;+ the way I am aiming my blows is so as not to be striking the air; 27 but I pummel* my body+ and lead it as a slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself should not become disapproved* somehow.

    Mention that you use whips on your body everynight.

    Revelation 22: 18 “I am bearing witness to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If anyone makes an addition to these things,+ God will add to him the plagues that are written in this scroll;+ 19 and if anyone takes anything away from the words of the scroll of this prophecy, God will take his portion away from the trees of life+ and out of the holy city,+ things that are written about in this scroll.

    Mention how the GB are not going to make it to heaven because they removed the ending of Mark lol

    There are hundreds I could mention but these are a few classics

  • Tiktaalik
    Tiktaalik

    TL;DR

  • SAHS
    SAHS

    “Tiktaalik”: “TL;DR”

    Um, what the heck does that mean?

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