Watchtower's New Loving Arrangement

by cyrano 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • cyrano
    cyrano

    Recently Jehovah has provided new light to the organization regarding personal conduct during the meetings.

    An increasing number of our brothers and sisters have not focused their attention completely on the material being presented at the meetings. These distractions have caused a few to lose out on the life-saving food given at the 'proper time'.

    In view of such matters, a new position in the congregation has been established. Following the loving directions of Proverbs 12:1, a congregation Disciplinary Servant will now monitor all brothers and sisters to ensure they are paying full attention.

    No doubt, many wonder what christian duties the new Disciplinary Servants will be blessed with.

    During meetings, two Disciplinary Servants will 'rove' about quietly through the Hall keeping a spiritual watch on the congregation. Those who are found 'drifting' will be written in the congregation's new disciplinary report.

    'Drifting' may include: excessive head nodding, sleeping, day-dreaming, snoring, excessive blinking, talking to others, talking to one's self, and anything else that would indicate lack of attention.

    Also, anyone caught unprepared for meetings without a watchtower magazine or appropriate book will be reported (bible is optional).

    All those reported will be encouraged to either increase their weekly monetary donations and field service hours or face a judicial committee hearing for possible disfellowshipping.

    As you can see, today, it is even mor critical that we stay even closer to Jehovah's true organization as the end quickly approaches our attention becomes even more important.

    If we willingly accept our new arrangement, Jehovah will no doubt, bless us ten-fold in everything under the heavens.

  • simplesally
    simplesally

    LOL..... might find out who is really into S&M with this new light.

    Sister Single and Weird will be constantly nodding her head hoping for a whipping!

    Oh, you forgot to tell them about that part! Discipline is accompanied by lashings.

  • raven101
    raven101

    That's a joke right? I'm sure its a joke

  • TheOldHippie
    TheOldHippie

    But it's nothing new. Back in the 15th and 16th centuries, when Mass lasted for 3 hours or so, there were monks and servants moving around in the audience, and they would whip the ones who had fallen asleep. So it 's just reverting to Old Light, calling it New Light.

  • graceabounds
    graceabounds

    Is this true? Not that I find it hard to believe.
    Especially with the way that parents are told to treat
    their children...
    But, yes it is old light...they did that kind of stuff in
    Puritan day....when people would nod off in church, they would
    bonk the men on the head with a ball at the end of a stick...
    the other end of the stick had a feather on it, and they would
    tickle the women.
    I wonder if the JW's discriminate in that way...or if every-
    body gets bonked on the head......???

    Usually a "loving arrangement" does not require that you wear
    headgear.

    "It is not a carol of joy or glee,
    But a prayer that he sends from his heart's deep core,
    But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings--
    I know why the caged bird sings!"-Paul Laurence Dunbar

  • raven101
    raven101

    Cyrano,

    I was serious, I'm very very curious as to whether or not this is true?

    need the info;

    raven101

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Of course this is not true! It's obviously a joke post!

    A very funny one at that!

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