POSITION VACANT
Due to the promotion of one of it's governing body to a loftier position, the watchtower publishing corporation has a vacancy on it's board of directors. The person being sought by the company should have at least the following qualifications -
Arrogance. The ability to deaden one's conscience. No sense of moral or social responsibility or obligation. Suffering delusions of grandeur. Lacking any reason of justice. A measure of pride and haughtiness is also considered an asset. The ability to believe you have direct dealings with god and act as his mouthpiece is a requirement. Any history of sexual wrongdoing, criminal activity will be duly overlooked and considered an advantage.
The watchtower corporation, not being an equal opportunity, will not accept applications from females, homosexuals, persons of a non caucasian background (the quota for persons i.e. males, of a coloured nationality has already been filled), or any other watchtower recognised deviates.
RENUMERATION
A lifestyle embued with the overwhelming sense of power awaits the successful candidate. Five star accommodation with unlimited attending servants will be a guarantee. First class travel and adulation in foreign countries is also part of the deal.
RESPONSIBILITIES
Must behave as a pompous religious hypocrite at all times. The abilty to write and talk on outrageous illogical subjects are skills which will be honed at training sessions with watchtower staff. Must be able to interact with lawyers.
All applicants should lodge their applications before the memorial or armageddon (whichever comes first). The successful applicant will be notified by holy spirit.