Hey everyone,
I popped in today after quite a few months. I hope everyone's well and looking forward to spring! Me, I have been busy with work and personal life that I haven't had the time to check in here and so this email is like 4 months over due so it might become long and apologies for that.
In October I had a major convo with my mom. Last year has been a demanding year for me so haven't been able to keep up with the regular contact that I have with my JW parents which usually is a text or phone call every 3-4 weeks. In addition to that the previous year which is when I discovered this website and TTATT I was so under shock that I had a brief conversation with my mom begging her to do some research on things like the UN issue.
Yes, I know text is not the right way to address such a delicate matter but I was under shock and I was really acting out of that plus we live in different countries and getting my parents to use skype is like asking a farmer to drive a space shuttle! Because of her silly reaction well the JW indocrinated reaction it kind of put me off contacting her again for a while. A few months passed. Summer came and I texted her and so I found out that she had 7 months of depression and had been to see a therapist and had not gone to meetings.
First of all I was shocked. My mom was the most zealous of the whole family, so for her not to be active for that long must of been something really major.
First thing I did was commending her for seeking professional help instead of trying to solve it "spiritually" as well as telling her that she should of called before and tell me, at least I could have gone to visit and be with her a little, but she said after she completed the therapy she was feeling a bit better. Again this was via text message.
Around the time of this conversation, I was addressing some issues in my own life and I did some hypnotherapy in the mean time and one of the things I addressed during that was my relationship with my parents, or rather how I feel about them because of the beliefs they have. It made me feel better to deal with it even though I felt I would still need some day to have the conversation.
Then in October I phoned her and we had probably the longest and most heart felt conversation we have had in years. My mom told me that she had not been going to the meetings for 8 or 9 months...however I got there too late as she had just started to go back! :( She said she didn't want to see no body for a long time and she had asked the elders not to pay her visits or ask her anything. She is lucky that they actually have quite decent elders in their congregation, I mean as human beings. Two of them being my uncles and others, being people they know for 40 years.
We got into the conversation of the JW and I told her quite a few of the things I found out and how she has been programmed and I have to say even though she still reacted as expected she wasn't so argumentative as I know her to be. She also apologized for a lot of behaviours that she had when I was growing up. She apologized for threatening me when I was a child with things like "If you lie the crows will come and dig your eyes from your sockets" or whatever things the Bible says with those drammatic terms.
I actually said I didn't really remember her saying things like that. She was surprised because she remembered it vividly and she said those are not things to tell to a young kid, that she was sorry and she hoped I would forgive her. Then went on saying how she loves me and how I was a wanted child, and I have been the best things that's happened to her. She asked me to say back to her that I loved her, which for me is a major issue because although I do love my parents, and I have no problem showing it with a hug or doing something nice for them but I find it extremely hard to say I love you. But between a breath and the next I managed.
As you can immagine it was quite emotional for the both of us, but for the first time I found it within me to come straight about what I found out. We touched on many things of the WT doctrines. I pushed strongly on how child abuse is handled, because my mother has 1st hand experience, and 1 of the things that triggered her depression. She didn't become a JW until she was an adult but having been through it as a child I asked her how could she support an organization that was covering for abusers?!
We went over other things like how they end up serving the organization and not God or Jesus etc showed her how the baptism questions changed. She said: "But I follow God. I even said this in a sermon last year I specificately said I don't follow an organization." So I was like...that what they have you believing.
We touched on the kingdom hall building funds and lending. She couldn't understand how the trick worked even if I explained it 4 times and said to her: When you and dad bought our house, you did a mortgage. The bank gave you money in advance to buy the house and you paid that loan back in 15 years. After those years, the house is yours. Is it not? She agreed. Did you give the house back to the bank? Did you put the bank name on the deed?
No she replied. Right, so you paid the loan and the house is yours, but the WT give you (the congregation) the money, you put free hours of work to build it, then pay the loan back. So...once the loan is paid shouldn't the KH be of property of the witnesses of YOUR congregation? No instead it belongs to the WT. So if it was always going to be of their property why make you pay for it? You had already given free labor...
This scam she was not getting it. That's when I saw the resonance at work...she was dismissing what her brain was telling her was right. It is a scam yet she dismissed it...noooo you are wrong she said....and what is the WT gonna do with KH's anyway? There is no value. I said: Mom!! You are so naive! NO VALUE?? IN REAL ESTATE?? Where do you live? In another planet? Do you know how many KH they own around the world that's a capital!
Anyway I saw that denial was strong so I dropped it. As a conclusion she said to me what many have said: I have been following this for over 40 years it's kept me straight and honest, can't be that bad.
I just kept quiet. We haven't touched the subject since october. Part of me would want for them to come out but at the same time she also has a point that her life is all about their beliefs. They have long term friends with whom have gone through thick and thin. They are blessed that they do have good elders and as a culture isn't so cut through as in other countries. There is also the fact that I have noticed a change in my mom since she did the therapy and has become way more welcoming of others opinions. Usually I wouldn't share with her my opinions on morality or doctrines even before I discovered TTATT, because I felt judged by her. She would have that patronizing tone or that look of pity for me for having different ideas or values to hers. I am sure many of you will have experienced what I am talking about.
This time I really didn't feel the judged. I feel that she has grown emotionally. So, now I am wondering if in future if the conversation comes up again, maybe some day when we are face to face, should I bother unmasking more about the WT or just leave it alone? At this point I am in a good place with my parents. I don't know whether them leaving or not (if that would ever happen) would make a difference on our relationship and I think it wouldn't.
Let me know your thoughts.