Perry's Miracles

by Village Idiot 9 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot
    This thread is dedicated to our beloved poster of 13 years – Perry and his parrot.

    For those who are new to JWC Perry is the foremost apologist for Christian Fundamentalism and all its shining truths. He previously posted a thread entitled “Atheist Miracles”. This thread is going to be the mirror image of Perry’s fantabulous thread.

    Miracle number one: It’s the first miracle in the Bible but it’s an evil miracle. It goes something like this:

    A talking snake told a naked lady to eat a fruit and share it with a naked man that had a missing rib. Then all hell broke loose (literally) and all of a sudden lions started gobbling baby lambs instead of eating grass; Tyrannosaurus stopped eating palm trees and started munching on Brontosaurs and galaxies started crashing into each other (with only 6,000 years to travel tens of millions of light years) - Genesis 3.

    No further commentary.

    Miracle number two:

    6 After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. 7 “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.” John 9:6-7 New International Version

    Why didn’t Jesus simply say something like “You can see now” with an instantaneous healing? He did tell a man “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” Plain and simple with no muddy voodoo (John 5:8-9 NIV).

    Perhaps it was a type with the antitype representing the Watchtower who claim to see clearly even though they have mud in their eyes.

    Miracle number three:

    Who doesn’t know that infirmities such as blindness, muteness and epilepsy are caused by demons? I’m sure you can find qualified physicians and scientists who would confirm that:

    "22 Then they brought him a demon-possessed man who was blind and mute, and Jesus healed him, so that he could both talk and see." Matthew 12:22 NIV

    "33 And when the demon was driven out, the man who had been mute spoke." Matthew 9:33a NIV

    "42 Even while the boy was coming, the demon threw him to the ground in a convulsion. But Jesus rebuked the impure spirit, healed the boy and gave him back to his father." Luke 9:42 NIV

    Why aren't those miracles happening now when Jesus said that his disciples would be performing the same miracles (Mark 16:16-18)?

    Miracle number four:

    Jesus casts out demons that are responsible for being a hunchback:

    "10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God. "Luke 13:10-13 NIV

    "16 Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?” Luke 13:16 NIV

    Did anyone really know this woman? Jesus could have given her a shekel or two to pretend she was hunched over. Oh my! I’m going to hell for saying that.

    And finally miracle number five:

    Faithful Mary Magdalene who had not one; not three; but seven demons cast out (Luke 8:2)! It’s a pity we know so little about her. Any woman with so many demons must have had an interesting life.

  • Finkelstein

    Are you suggesting that ancient mythology is inherently fictional ?

    ...... but that would make Perry also fictional !

  • _Morpheus
    No no, we ,KNOW perry is real because he says hes real.
  • John Aquila
    John Aquila

    After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes. 7 “Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing..Why didn’t Jesus simply say something like “You can see now”

    It could have been worse.

    Image result for poking eye pics

  • steve2

    It is an unnerving fact that miracles disappear when they are examined. Examination fills in gaps in knowledge so that what was once unknown and unexplained is now known and explained and, hey presto! the miracle disappears.

    Examination can also lay bare blatant, contrived hocus-pocus that slithers away with the light of day.

    Tribes in New Guinea who saw planes for the first time during World War Two have developed religious cults around the mysterious white men who appeared out of the clouds. Some of those cults continue to this day. The ability to examine miracles needs to be accompanied by a willingness to do so.

    I have sometimes wanted people to disappear, but realistically that would take more than a miracle.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot
    That's a good one John.
  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    How about the hacking off the ear of the soldier and reattaching

    it without surgical tools. Let me just slap that ear back on, oh hell

    it's up side down.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Finkelstein "...... but that would make Perry also fictional !"

    It's a miracle that he's even here.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot
    Come on Perry, I know you're there.

    I like Perry.


Share this