Jephthah's Promise - Oh yeah?

by Matty 3 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • Matty
    Matty

    Occasionally I will vent my spleen about various bible characters I don’t like. I hope I don’t bore all of you who would rather talk about Limp Bizkit or the size of your willies.

    All my life I have had to put up with these seriously flawed individuals being described as “marvellous examples to all JWs”

    I’ve already had a moan about David, now it’s Jephthah’s turn. I was always told as a child that “I should never break a promise, and be just like that wonderful Jephthah, and God will bless you!”

    Jephthah doesn’t like those bad Ammonites – he wants to whoop their asses. Who will help him in this struggle? God will of course. Oh, but God will want something in return. Why not, the old principle is true: I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine.

    Well, not really, in this case it’s more like “You scratch my back and I’ll get some other fool to scratch yours on my behalf!” He says in the book of Judges “If you without fail give the sons of Ammon into my hand, it must also occur that the one coming out, who comes out of the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the sons of Ammon, must also become Jehovah’s, and I must offer that one up as a burnt offering.” Now, if I were God I would say “Look chum, if I sort these Ammonites out for you, it’s YOU that will have do something for me, not some other poor swine!”

    Well, God does the business – like he always does – “if there’s people to slay, I’ll do it today” is his motto. But…

    When Jephthah returns home victorious, the first one to come out to meet him is his daughter - who is his only child. ‘Oh, sh*t, its my daughter!’ Jephthah says. ‘What sadness you are bringing me, oh daughter - But I have made a promise to Jehovah, and I cannot take it back.’

    Ahh… what a shame, Jephthah’s daughter will have to spend the rest of her life working her ass off at the tabernacle in Shiloh. So RELUCTANTLY he chucks his little girl out of the house. And then he works out with his wife what to do with the new spare room.

    What becomes of her? No family, no nookie, only four days off every year - just hard graft for the rest of her life. All because of a promise.

    What a marvellous example.

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine
    Ahh… what a shame, Jephthah’s daughter will have to spend the rest of her life working her ass off at the tabernacle in Shiloh. So RELUCTANTLY he chucks his little girl out of the house. And then he works out with his wife what to do with the new spare room.

    Do you have low reading comprehension? You just posted the scripture that plainly says that "...that the one coming out, who comes out of the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the sons of Ammon, must also become Jehovah’s, and I must offer that one up as a burnt offering."

    You do know the difference between "working your ass off in the temple" and being a "burnt offering" don't you? I'm sure there was no air conditioning at the temple, but still, no comparison.

    Now then, you may think that you have gone "deep" with a dissertation on the idiocy of the Jepthah story, whereas a "size of your willies" discusion is just fluff, but Jehovah disagrees. In fact he indicates that size matters (Ezk. 23:20).

    I'd point out that my response to you is toungue in cheek (although I do take issue with the apologetics of the burnt offering), but that would just lead into a discussion of the Song of Solomon.

  • Matty
    Matty

    I could never work that out either, yes the burnt offering was indeed promised - charming! But it seems that a concession was made - what a lucky girl. Who says that God isn't your flexible friend?

  • accuracy
    accuracy
    Now then, you may think that you have gone "deep" with a dissertation on the idiocy of the Jepthah story, whereas a "size of your willies" discusion is just fluff, but Jehovah disagrees. In fact he indicates that size matters (Ezk. 23:20)

    Finally!!! Indisputable proof that the ancient Egyptians were Black! (See verse 19, also Eze. 16:26, footnote)

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