by quellycatface 9 Replies latest jw friends
It gets harder to make friends as you get older and you're children more independent, I feel.
I know it sounds a bit sad but any ideas about how to make some new friends??
I'm not averse to joining a club or starting a new hobby. I just feel a bit out of practice.
Nelly No Mates XX
I know where you're at because as a JW you don't have to put a lot of effort into making friends because you go to the kh and there's always someone to talk to. Now it's harder because you have to meet new people and put effort into getting to know them. I too am nervous about that as I was never really good at making friends before I was a JW.
I think your thinking about joining a club or something is a good start as mutual interests can help form the basis of a friendship. I made a nice friend through a small association of bird enthusiasts I started. One friend, but she's worth ten JW 'friends'. Maybe joining an art class or soomething like that can help you meet new people. Just understand that it takes a lot longer to make a non JW friend. The good thing though is, they don't leave you so easily and like you for you.
I know how you feel. I am Jen1 no mates! Thought was being a good jw by not having any outside friends. Next year I am going to join some club not sure what yet and make some new friends. hey we can be friends!
I was thinking about all the ones in our cong. who have worldly friends, they socialize with work mates. They make friends at the gym and meet them each week, to work out. The go to football games with worldy people. They go to non jw relative functions. And these are elders and their wives. pioneers and the goody publishers who go to all the meetings field service. Anyway I hope it all works out for you. Lets be friends!
What are you interested in? Gardening, cooking, golf, other sports, book clubs, etc.
Make a list and look for opportunities.
If you have a job, try hanging out with people you like at work.
One small step at a time. Book clubs, volunteer roganizations. Have you heard of geocaching? Check out the website and see if it sound like fun to you. Groups form and meet locally and people can have lots of fun.
We have a quilting club locally that is very active.
Just remember, each person takes some time to form a friendship with and you might find one compatible and one not. Friendships need to be cared for and each person needs to want to keep the connections going. I have many many friendships from the past that I still consnder friends, but since we didn't keep up the work of getting together it's been years and we have drifted. Though each one would enjoy getting together and if effort was put into it we would be much closer friends. Sometimes life responsiblties and busy nature can get in the way. I find some of my closest live very nearby because we see one anther frequently just by design of geography.
Real friends will not reject you.
As a child I moved frequently and found making friends very scary because of being painfully shy. Eventuallly by high school I realized I could be whoever I wanted to be and by joning the drama club in school it would help me overcome some shyness. I joind other clubs too and it did help me a lot. Clubs do give you a "built in" set of friends to work with, to filter through to find friends that are not only connectted with the club, but outside the club as well.
Finding friends in an ongoing life process. Some friends you "grow out of" but don't dismiss, they just drift away in time spent due to common life situations changing. But they are still there, just not on a frequent basis.
Goong back to educationnis a great way to do it and self developing ! Xxx
Interesting thread. The wife and I are thinking of trying various "service" clubs. She was unimpressed with the "Moose" club. Thinking of checking out "Elks". We have helped with some community charity fund raisers for sick children. We do the Chamber of Commerce thing. Ideas???????
Service clubs like Rotary and Kiwanis are primarily business people; in fact, there has to be an 'opening' within the local community club for a certain 'profession' or 'service' in order to join, since "doubling up" of professions is discouraged to avoid competitiveness (and you need a sponsor already within the club). Although they do community projects, the idea is to seek out the services of a fellow Rotarian, if possible. Many small communities will have multiple chapters that meet (new branches open in a neighboring area), since the older ones tend to be full.
Chamber of Commerce is all about small businesses, and it's a good way to network within the community to get to know the other small business owners, esp if you your community is small enough to rely on 'business-to-business' sales (rather than everyone going to the big chains (like Costco) for their business needs). They have an ambassadors program, where they'll conduct opening events for the newest members (businesses pay to be members) and their mixers are an opportunity to shmooze with the other members.
So none of those are particularly 'social clubs' per se, where the point is to make friends; for that, you might be better off finding groups that do volunteer community clean-ups ('clean a beach' activities) or even a nature club that has day hikes, etc. Many junior colleges offer night courses for adults who aren't necessarily seeking college degrees, but simply to learn additional skills to expand. Those are always good; in fact, look into the local junior college and sign up for a night course that seems interesting to you, and learn simply for the sake of learning, or to explore a new topic.
It's always hard to get out of your rut and go into something new alone, but go in with a good attitude and wearing a smile, and adopt receptive body language, and be open to meeting people.
Adam
I went to trade school when I left the org., I met a lot of people and made some lasting friendships there.
The university is where I ended up making the most friends...but that still took a couple years out of the borg to nurture new relationships, and now I will face starting over when I enter Grad school somewhere else!
I agree with other posters, find a hobby or an interest and join a club, volunteer at an art museum or zoo, exJW meetups are really nice too
I feel your pain being a shy person myself, but making the effort does eventually produce results!
Best of Luck!
CHG
