Expatbrit – I think I’m gonna upset some more fundies here! King David, what a lovely guy! Polygamist of course – but that was “accepted” in those days. Adultery and murder… deceitful lying… hmm, but he was soooooooo sorry! God forgave him – nice of God, eh? God killed his son who did nothing wrong though - shame. Now I’m not saying that David shouldn’t have been forgiven – but lets have a bit of consistency here!
Uzzah – what kind of guy was he? Well, he was guiding the cart with the Ark of the Covenant on it. David at the time was celebrating with his harps and cymbals and stuff – he liked to party – well don’t we all?
Whoops, the oxen stumbled, the cart wobbled, the precious Ark was in serious danger of being a smashed up ex-Ark! Uzzah reached out and took hold of the ark to stop it falling over.
ZAP! Bye bye Uzzah. God was in a bit of a mood that day, too bad he didn’t touch the Ark on the same day that King David was feeling a little horny with someone else’s wife… - “He must have had a bad heart, though”. Quite. David was cross with God – didn’t like what God had done to Uzzah. ZAP! Erm...No zap this time, God forgave David for being cross at him. Nice.